Called me by another name

Unaware

Was kissing my girlfriend last night, we've been going out a year now, and, all very serious. I'm madly in love with her, and she's in love with me.

She's nearing the end of her period, and last night we were kissing, and it was getting a bit intense, and she had to go home, up early for work so she needed to get home, and get ready for this morning. We were in her car when we were kissing, and as i said, was getting quite intense, she pulled away, and was about to say 'xxxxxxx stop it' in a teasing, humorous way you know... except the 'xxxxxx' was the first half of my friends name....

I said imediately 'you were about to say xxxxxx's name, and laughed, i thought nothing of it, we hugged, talked a bit (not about what just happened) and had a smoke, then she went home.

I thought nothing of it, it was funny, bit wierd, but funny.
She text me saying 'you hate me, don't you?' to which a big discussion over
it ensued.

Basically she's really freaked out, told me how, much she loves me, can't lose me etc etc but feels so bad as she obviously hurt me terribly by nearly saying his name instead of mine, said she felt like she cheated on me.

I kept trying to reasure her that this was not the case, i still love her, more than ever, and would not hold something trivial like this against her.

She came to my house at 7.30am this morning, and i just happened to be up early, and went down to get a cup of coffee, she tapped on the front window. and she came in, we talked and i tried to reasure her, she thinks she's really ****ed up... i don't.

But has she ? anyone any ideas of what she could possibly be thinking, she says she has no feelings for my friend at all, and dont know why she said it. (we had been talking about him before we were kissing to, about plans for the weekend etc).. we're both 22.

Thanks for reading.

Dave!

Any chance that she is actually cheating on you with this bloke?

It's easy to just have a slip of the tongue, especially when you've just been talking about someone. But at the same time, maybe she was thinking about him while kissing you... and that's how his name came out.

Her reaction and the fact that she's making a big deal about it could be a manifestation of some latent guilt she has over an affair with this bloke.

Or it could be just that she's afraid you'll think that, when in reality it was just an innocent slip of the tongue.

Hard to say really.

adsgirl

My ex called me by his girlfriends' name(new girlfriend) he tried to convince me i had misheard and laughed it off, but your girlfriend seems genuine and really annoyed so maybe it was just a slip of the tounge.

Unaware

No, impossible for her to have a full blown affair with him, the most would have been a kiss, but even still, they're very very rarely alone. And yes, a manafestation of guilt also sprung to mind at her reaction to, basically stayed awake the whole night going over it. Although nothing is impossible.

Donegal Lass

Probably a slip of the tongue unless it becomes a regular occurance. She could have been thinking of ANYTHING at that point when you were kissing. Its happened to me before and i most certainly AM NOT cheating. ust tell her to forget about it and settle back down to your normal selves again!

Cathmandooo

Oh dear her over reaction is speaking volumes if it was just a slip of the tongue there would be no issue. She's acting like a very guilty person with something to hide.

You must be suspicious if you're writing this up on here?? Play it cool though cos I could be totally wrong and you dont wanna ruin your relationship over nothing. Keep an eye out when her and your friend are together. If she goes on about it again then maybe ask her why she's protesting her innocence so much when you were never blaming her of anything in the first place.

Mellor

I've done it, have called my sister by my girlfriends name, and my girlfriend by my sisters name. But never when kissing, mostly when giving out/messing

But her reaction is a little strange.

Unaware

Yes cathoo, a bit suspicious alright, as she has been very flirty with him before.. but also flirty with alot of other guys.. its really just her way, nothing over the top or anything, just jokingly. She ALWAYS over reacts to things when she feels she may have hurt me or whatever, she thinks i'll always think the worst of her, which i don't, i'm just so confused, i'm adore this girl, more than anyone, or anything, she has also shown me the same affection, we're head over heels really, so this has just shaken me to the core and shown me how much losing her would kill me.

Cathmandooo

well if she always over reacts then it would be her normal behaviour, tell her how much you love her and forget the whole thing!

Unaware

Well i have done, many times, she's still stressing out over it, rang me in tears during her lunch, i don't really know what else to say, i say its ok.. she says its not ok.. i ask why.. she says 'i don't know, i've hurt you'.. just can't seem to get my head around it, and now i'm getting quite paranoid.

Wacker

I called a girlfriend by her best friend's name once, at a very inopportune time too! Honestly, it was just a slip of the tongue, and I didn't even have feelings for the friend. It was the end of the relationship though, not that there was much there anyway.

Cathmandooo

Unaware wrote: »

Well i have done, many times, she's still stressing out over it, rang me in tears during her lunch, i don't really know what else to say, i say its ok.. she says its not ok.. i ask why.. she says 'i don't know, i've hurt you'.. just can't seem to get my head around it, and now i'm getting quite paranoid.

I'd be paranoid if I were you. I've called people the wrong names before but never got upset about it and it was all blown over within a minute.

togster

I doubt she is cheating on you but perhaps she fancies your friend and feels guilty for doing so. Both can be equaly hurtful so i would suggest actually sitting her down to discuss why she is protesting so much. The lady does protest too much methinks....

Hrududu

I wouldnt worry about the slip of the tongue at all. I would worry about her reaction however.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Sounds like she has a thing for him. If she was cheating on you with him she wouldn't be dragging it up over & over.

Unaware

Thats what i think, i can't see her cheating on me, (although we never can until its too late right? ) And when she first met this guy, she explicitly pointed out that he wasn't her type... and to be honest, i don't think he is for obvious reasons really.. he's quite a disgusting person, and has pissed her off on several occasions. But maybe she does have a crush.. or whatever for him, i'd rather hope she dosn't, but even if she did, i think i would do everything in my power to save our relationship.

Cathmandooo

It could actually be innocent enough, maybe she had a naughty dream about your mate (I know you dont really wanna know that though) and feels guilty and calling you by his name freaked her out. It's possible, we cant control our dreams!

Sleepy

Honestly I've done it a few times - called girlfriends by ex's names, called friends other friends names etc. It doesn't mean anything other than whatever part of my mind that deals with names is pretty crap!

tbh

many moons ago I was seeing an American girl, and in the middle of things, I whispered "Sinead" - problem was, that wasn't her name, and the funny thing was, I didn't even know a Sinead at that point. I honestly don't know where it came from. She sat bolt upright and said "what did you just call me?" I was thinking on my feet and said "I said Sin E - Irish for "that's it", as in, I liked what you were doing". It worked. But for ages after I was wondering "who the hell is Sinead?"

Mazeire

I'm for the three strikes and you're out rule. I'd let it go this time, but if it happens again then yes, i'd be worried. If that happens, then you really need to sit down with both her and your friend and talk it out.

Just one more thing that i'm curious about:

Unaware wrote: »

She's nearing the end of her period, .

Um....why did you feel that we needed to know that exactly?

How Strange

Unaware, the fact that she called you by the wrong name is nothing too serious really. It happens to us all at some stage and usually at the worst time. I called my bf by his brothers name once :eek: granted we weren't snogging at the time but still. We had a laugh about it.

It's her reaction which would worry me. I think she may very well fancy him and now feels very guilty because she's let it slip out.

If she only fancies him then its ok; there is no crime in that but you should ask her why she is acting so guilty. That way you can clear the air.

Mazeire

Mmmm, OP, I'm wondering how honest you are being about your initial reaction. You are saying that you were very calm about it, but your girlfriends reactions strike me as those of someone who was shouted at and yelled at and thinks that sje is going to lose her partner, not those of someone who was gently reassured. If she had something to hide, or had been caught out, i would have thoufght it would make more sense for her to bolt straight away and avoid you, not to hang around for a smoke and to come over at 7.30 in the morning.

Also, you say you told her that it was a "trivial matter". If that's truly how you feel then why did you start this thread?

Unaware

Mazeire wrote: »

Just one more thing that i'm curious about:
Um....why did you feel that we needed to know that exactly?

I said that as because things were getting quite intense, kissing heavily etc, we both knew we couldn't have sex, not that i'm saying that kissing should lead to sex or anything, but you know, when you're both turned on, and want things to go further, and they can't it can be a bit stressfull... and then it was like an 'ok stop, sort of moment' and she said his name not mine, so i felt it related to what was going on.

Yeah, i'm all for second chances, i don't want to jump to conclusions and end everything we've built up together over just a little mistake like this, but if it did turn out they kissed / slept together, then thats it, i draw the line there, and she knows that... which is worrying, but i'm hoping that the fact she knows how i feel about cheating she just freaked out so much because she thinks that maybe i would jump to conclusions and end things.

Mazeire wrote: »

Mmmm, OP, I'm wondering how honest you are being about your initial reaction. You are saying that you were very calm about it, but your girlfriends reactions strike me as those of someone who was shouted at and yelled at and thinks that sje is going to lose her partner, not those of someone who was gently reassured. If she had something to hide, or had been caught out, i would have thoufght it would make more sense for her to bolt straight away and avoid you, not to hang around for a smoke and to come over at 7.30 in the morning.

Also, you say you told her that it was a "trivial matter". If that's truly how you feel then why did you start this thread?

No, i assure you, i was very calm, as i said, i just laughed about it, thought absolutely nothing of it until she got home and started texting me about it, i just thought it was one of those things, she says 'yeah but its one of those things that should never happen'.

I posted here because i am really confused, i don't know what to think anymore, i love her, always will.

DubLegs

I won't worry too much about it - probably just a slip of the tongue! if that guy is always around you.
I was forever doing it with my current and ex (who's still a friend) when i first got together and it was always done when i was messing about. Though now a days i'm doing it the other way around calling the ex the current. It's amazing how easily it's done.
I do know how ur gf is feeling though - no amount of reasurrance will make her feel better, if u trust her and feel she is not cheating on you then try not make a huge thing out of it.

adsgirl

Next time she brings the subject up, tell her it is over and forgotten, and you don't want to discuss it any longer, if she persists in aplogising then maybe you should tell her you are concerned by her reaction.

LegacyUser

I wouldn't worry about it, my gfs regularly calling me by the wrong name, even her dogs name if she's been talking about him! And we're going out years. She's even called me by her dad's name once or twice.

Her reaction is a bit odd, but it could just be that she'd be really insulted if you did it to her, hence she thinks you're insulted now.

Unaware

We've spoken, i've reasurred her everything is fine, and that she knows how much i love and care for her, and it would be silly for me to jump to conclusions about it, it's never happened before, and i doubt it'll happen again, its in the past. I'll admit there are still lingering feelings of jealousy, which in tern makes me feel a bit crap about myself, but its human nature i feel.
Thank you all for your input, greatly appreciated.
Unaware.

Balmed Out

i kept calling an ex by the name of an older ex. nothing meant by it. at the time i thought it annoyed me more then her now im wondering.

adsgirl

Unaware wrote: »

We've spoken, i've reasurred her everything is fine, and that she knows how much i love and care for her, and it would be silly for me to jump to conclusions about it, it's never happened before, and i doubt it'll happen again, its in the past. I'll admit there are still lingering feelings of jealousy, which in tern makes me feel a bit crap about myself, but its human nature i feel.
Thank you all for your input, greatly appreciated.
Unaware.

Only understandable you would have feelings of jealousy, but maybe she has picked up on this and that could explain why she is behaving as she is, hope all works out for you both.

MIN2511

Has you thought that she's freaking out because you haven’t? Maybe she wants you to get mad, or say something... Like sometimes we women like to know that our bf/partners would be jealous of other male attention..
I think that’s the case for ye

vorbis

I don't think she's cheating OP but that type of reaction could get tiring after a while. She sounds a bit high strung. I mean you've ended up with all this drama over something trivial. And amazingly you've ended up having to reassure her??!! If you're fond of the drama yourself then there's no problem. Otherwise you might want to talk to her about why she has such strong reactions to small situations.

Fwaggle

Unaware wrote: »

rang me in tears during her lunch, .. she says 'i don't know, i've hurt you'..

Drama queen tbh

davyjose

Unaware wrote: »

Well i have done, many times, she's still stressing out over it, rang me in tears during her lunch, i don't really know what else to say, i say its ok.. she says its not ok.. i ask why.. she says 'i don't know, i've hurt you'.. just can't seem to get my head around it, and now i'm getting quite paranoid.

She is exhibiting signs of a guilty conscience, Unaware. And to be honest, unless she's a bit of a weirdo, it's unlikely to be over the slip of a tongue. If I were you I'd confront her on this. It seems like she's about to cave in with guilt anyway.

I feel bad for you man.

Caliden

Sounds like a freudian slip to me since she didn't try to deny it.

sunnyjim

Why are you the one coming off as apologetic?

Confront her damnit!!

Liam Byrne

A "slip of the tongue"......while kissing, eh ?

Seriously, though - it can be a major piss-off, and rightly so.....Mazeire is probably right, though - if you're mad about her and are sure of her feelings to you and it's just the once, then let it go.....

Of course, if you're less sure you could also get "revenge" by calling out one of her friends' names the next time you're having sex, and see if she's as forgiving as you're trying to be

hf4z6sqo7vjngi

Unaware wrote: »

Well i have done, many times, she's still stressing out over it, rang me in tears during her lunch, i don't really know what else to say, i say its ok.. she says its not ok.. i ask why.. she says 'i don't know, i've hurt you'.. just can't seem to get my head around it, and now i'm getting quite paranoid.

Something does not seem right here with the over reaction, why dont you ask her outright if there is something going on with your mate.

LegacyUser

I've called my teacher "MOM" twice, and I've also called a load of people by my long-term ex's name , there's nothing in it really apart from a slight glitch in the matrix.

If she's still coming to you for kissing and all the rest then there's no problem, not that there was one to begin with.

Can I add that her reaction did seem ott by a blokes point of view, but if the shoe was on the other foot perhaps thats how she'd like you to react but in the mean time nominate her for a golden globe.

you seem so level headed as far as original posters go, I'd recommend continue to be cool and laid back.

have a good one,

Cionnfhaolaidh

tbh wrote: »

"I said Sin E - Irish for "that's it",

LOL, Gaeilge to the rescue!

Overheal

Ask yourself would this be the same problem if she screamed out "Justin Timberlake" or something? Or whoever women find hot these days. I donfukkinknow.

I'd ask her straight out personally but dont make it an accusation: just a chance for her to say whats on her mind.

dirtydress

It sounds like this girl is incredibly insecure and this is why she's acting so over the top. I dont think its right that everyone is coming to the conclusion that she "must have a guilty conscience..." etc. This is a really easy thing to happen, she could have been (no offense) thinking about a situation with your friend (NOT necessarily sexual)...sometimes the mind can wander you know! and then she came back to reality and said his name...nothing in that says she might be guilty about something.

If you want to talk to her about anything, explain to her theres no need to get so upset. As you say you adore her, and sounds like she feels the same, dont ruin a good thing with suspicion.