My girlfriend is going to propose...

LegacyUser · 07-01-2008 9:14pm #1

Well as its a leap year I've heard a pretty disturbing rumour from my soon to be sister in law! My Gf is going to propose! Frankly I am a little disturbed. We are both hitting 30 and marriage has been on my mind for the last 6 months or so and I had been thinking of maybe proposing at the end of this year. But no my Gf is going to beat me to it, I want to marry her but I don't want to her to ask me but from what I have heard she has bought a symbol (i.e. a male version of an engagement ring!)

She wouldnt be a normal girl she's pretty headstrong and opinionated but this has even shocked me! As i said I was thinking of proposing at the end of the year how do turn her off the idea I would like to be traditional in some regards! Also I dont have a spare 3 or 4K lying around to go by a ring.

Any ideas?

MagicMarker · 07-01-2008 9:36pm

Well, if she asked would you say yes? If you say yes why not ask her first NOW!?

You don't need to spend so much on an engagement ring. Just buy a cheapo ring and then when you have the money both of you go shopping for the real deal.

Seraphina · 07-01-2008 9:37pm

you could try and subtley ask her about what kind of rings she might like, or speak a little more definitely about marraige plans, like the kind of wedding you two might like.

maybe highlight that you like certain 'traditions' or that you're quite traditional, and she'll either hopefully get the hint that you're planning to propose, or get the hint that you dont want her to!

but if she's already bought a ring that could be a bit tricky. perhaps consider planning a very typically romantic holiday to somewhere like paris or venice at the end of the year, somewhere that it'll be obvious that you're going to propose?

other than that i dont really have any suggestions. you haven't got long to try and dissuade her!

why would you have a problem with her proposing?

hussey · 07-01-2008 9:40pm

Get over it ...

Just make sure the date is when you can afford it. In my opinion the wedding day is the biggy rather than who asked who.

It means something to alot of girls to be engaged/married before they are 30

embee · 07-01-2008 9:40pm

You have almost 2 months to get in there before her. If you were going to propose at the end of the year, why wait? You might as well do it now. You don't have to buy the ring immediately - she will more than likely want to choose one with you. I know a couple who got engaged and didn't pick out the ring until 6 months afterwards. If you want it to be uber-traditional, then yes, you technically should propose with a ring, but you could get her a cheaper ring and just tell her its an engagement "present" but not her actual ring, perhaps a ring with no stone in it, maybe engraved with a personal message, or maybe a ruby, emerald or sapphire?

I don't think her nose is going to be too out of joint - she'll be delighted that ye are engaged.

LegacyUser · 07-01-2008 9:40pm

If she asked i would say yes but I would prefer to ask her!

I would like to get a proper ring as i'm sure she'd probably want to be showing it off to everyone.

Jack B. Badd · 07-01-2008 9:46pm

marriageman wrote: »

But no my Gf is going to beat me to it

Is your girlfriend aware that your prospective engagement is a competition, OP?
Maybe if you sit her down and explain that it is, she'll "throw the game" as it were and let you get in there first... That wouldn't be half as emasculating, would it?

ollyk1 · 07-01-2008 9:50pm

It'd be worse if she was going to dump you. Get some perspective its about living your lives together not about putting a ring on a finger.

ztoical · 07-01-2008 9:50pm

it sounds like you both want to get married - who cares who asks or how much the ring cost [never understood people spending so much on engagement rings anyway] Why are you worried shes going to ask you? Is it cus you think your mates would make fun?

I would assume one of the reasons you love your gf and want to marry her is because she is headstrong and opinionated. You said you'd like to be traditional in some regardes implying that your not really traditional - if your not your gf prob doesn't think you'd have any issue with her asking.

Your pretty sure shes going to ask you so I'd ask her now [sod the ring] as it would be a surprise and at least you know shes not going to say no

telecaster · 07-01-2008 9:52pm

You don't need to spend 3 grand on an engagement ring or anything like it.

ambman · 07-01-2008 9:56pm

I say why dont you get up before her on the day in question make her a nice brekkie and a big bunch of roses to go with it and propose to her and then let her propose to you.

now your both winners:D

but if you want my honest answer!!!!

i would say run. like you have never run before. your life will never be the same again:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

Teddi · 07-01-2008 10:06pm

ah here look, If you had planned on proposing at the end of the year you obviously are willing to spend the rest of your life with her....what is a Year or so going to mean in the grand scheme of things?

If I loved and adored my g/f as much as im sure you do, I'd be chuffed that she'd propose to me, its the ultimate compliment anyone can give to someone, Embrace it......

good luck

Cathmandooo · 07-01-2008 10:19pm

Let your girlfriend do it. It'll make her happy. Have a nice ring ready on Feb 29th, let her propose and then surprise her with the ring. Tell her you've been planning to propose and that she's made it all so perfect because you know you're both singing from the same hymn sheet.

Get some perspective here, this is a brilliant time in your life, you've found the girl of your dreams, you want to marry her and she wants to marry you, you should be thrilled!

Liam Byrne · 07-01-2008 10:54pm

Jaysus, if I felt that way about someone I'd be damn grateful that they would not only feel the same way but would be prepared to come out and show it!

Count yourself lucky man, and get ready to say YESSSSS!!!!!

PeakOutput · 07-01-2008 11:16pm

buy a relatively cheap ring....wait until the night when your sur she is going to ask you and then jsut before she is about to build up the courage to do it interupt her and do it yourself with your ring.

it would either really piss her off or she would think you were great

giddyup · 08-01-2008 12:00am

marriageman wrote: »

She wouldnt be a normal girl she's pretty headstrong and opinionated

Maybe this is just a sisterly plan to spur you to action. I'm a little surprised that your GFs sister would break this confidence if there wasn't a hidden agenda.

And maybe you're a little too traditional anyway. I could be misintepreting here but if I made the statement above in earshot of most females I know I'd probably get a slap.

Overheal · 08-01-2008 1:16am

I cannot stress this enough times: Homer Simpson proposed with an Onion Ring and they have the best marriage ever. Who needs to go bankrupt proposing?!

It doesnt have to be a ring either - some symbol important to your relationship could mean more than any ring..

CodeMonkey · 08-01-2008 2:24am

Get the ring. Wait for her to propose. Then say no. Before she starts crying, pull out the ring and you propose. Hmmm, she might still cry after that.

LegacyUser · 08-01-2008 9:08am

CodeMonkey wrote: »

Get the ring. Wait for her to propose. Then say no. Before she starts crying, pull out the ring and you propose. Hmmm, she might still cry after that.

Codemoneky I like that plan hopefully without the crying part!

I am going to buy something small tomorrow to propose and once i do i will take her shopping for a real engagement ring!

Thanks for the advice!

seamus · 08-01-2008 9:11am

giddyup wrote: »

Maybe this is just a sisterly plan to spur you to action. I'm a little surprised that your GFs sister would break this confidence if there wasn't a hidden agenda.

Yeah, I'm a little suspicious too. Unless your future sister-in-law is a total loadmouth or you're extremely close I couldn't imagine her pre-informing you of this.
Perhaps your girlfriend is planning to do this but really really wants you to get in there first.

If you want to do the honours, I recommend that you book a nice restaurant for Valentine's night, now. Preferably somewhere that you've been before and had a particularly good night in. Many places will have been booked for 6 months or more, so best to book as soon as you can.

The most important thing - how you propose is far more important that what type of ring you have and whether you have a ring or not. Make a big deal of her, treat her like a princess for a night, then pop the question. As others have said, you don't need to bankrupt yourself on a ring. Unless she has stated that she wants you to get the ring, you don't need one. You can go shopping for a ring together afterwards. If you really want to have one, buy a (relatively) cheap ring that she could wear as normal jewellery after ye have picked out the real ring.
She has to wear this ring for the rest of her life so it's best to get something she wants.

[Edit: Just saw your last part. Best of luck. The hardest part is eating your dinner without throwing up.

NextSteps · 08-01-2008 11:15am

seamus wrote: »

[Edit: Just saw your last part. Best of luck. The hardest part is eating your dinner without throwing up.

Aww, that's sweet!

AlanD · 08-01-2008 11:45am

Don't worry about the ring....i proposed with a cubic zirconia ring I paid 30 euro for. She LOVED it and it's holds huge meaning for her now. I didn't buy a real ring cos I know she'd like to pick her own, so that's what we did after I proposed, went ring shopping.

But if you think your g/f is going to propose, don't take it away from her. Don't make it a competition. Don't do anything to cause resentment. Relationships are hard work, so you don't want to do anything you'll regret.

Talk to her.

Oh, and don't buy your ring in ireland.....try some of those US websites. You'll get great value there. If diamonds mean nothing to you, start doing your research so you'll know what you are talking about. You could save thousands and the big companies are mostly legit.

neuro-praxis · 08-01-2008 12:03pm

You can buy a real gold (white gold or regular gold) and diamond ring for a few hundred euros, if that makes any difference to you. My engagement ring was only a few hundred euros and I couldn't love it more than I do.

greenkittie · 08-01-2008 12:14pm

On this website people are always advising to let the girl pick her own ring. To me this seems like the most unromantic thing ever! I'd feel really dissapointed if i was proposed to without a proper ring, if the guy you are going to marry dosn't know you well enough to pick a ring you would like then he dosn't know you well enough to marry you.

Cathmandooo · 08-01-2008 12:22pm

greenkittie wrote: »

On this website people are always advising to let the girl pick her own ring. To me this seems like the most unromantic thing ever! I'd feel really dissapointed if i was proposed to without a proper ring, if the guy you are going to marry dosn't know you well enough to pick a ring you would like then he dosn't know you well enough to marry you.

Personally I agree, I'd love for a guy to pick out a ring for me that he's sure I'd love. But practically I have no clue myself what sort of ring I would want so in fairness I dunno how a guy I love would suddenly know!! To me cost means nothing and I don't want a massive rock to show off but I would like to help choose the ring.

seamus · 08-01-2008 1:12pm

greenkittie wrote: »

On this website people are always advising to let the girl pick her own ring. To me this seems like the most unromantic thing ever! I'd feel really dissapointed if i was proposed to without a proper ring, if the guy you are going to marry dosn't know you well enough to pick a ring you would like then he dosn't know you well enough to marry you.

You'll find that very few women themselves actually know what kind of ring they'd like. And plenty would never communicate their preference to their better half. So for that small minority of men who've either had "the one" pointed out to them, or who are gifted with telepathy, they can go buy that ring.
For the rest, I think it's best to let her pick it - I know I wouldn't like to spend the rest of my life with a big minging sovereign on my hand so if the roles were reversed I'd want to have some say.

It's all well to say that he "should know", but that's romantic bull tbh. He may get it in the ballpark, but there's no way he'd get the right one. It would be like sending him clothes shopping for you without telling him what you want. The size would be close and the colours would be more-or-less what you wear, but you'd probably only ever be happy to wear the underwear.

The girl's preference should probably be something the he knows in advance anyway. She should say that she'd like to pick it or admit that she'd be happy with whatever godawful piece of crap he comes up with.

Many women I've spoken to have said that they always thought they knew what kind of ring they wanted, but when they tried on just that, they hated it and went for something completely different.

FagFury · 08-01-2008 1:33pm

Cathooo wrote: »

Let your girlfriend do it. It'll make her happy. Have a nice ring ready on Feb 29th, let her propose and then surprise her with the ring. Tell her you've been planning to propose and that she's made it all so perfect because you know you're both singing from the same hymn sheet.

This is a very good idea. If she proposes you can counter propose, if she doesn't, you can wait for later in the year and do as you were originally planning anyway.

Another option is to beat her to it and propose on Valentine's Day.

Zombrex · 08-01-2008 1:37pm

marriageman wrote: »

Any ideas?

Let her. Saves you doing it.

Plus it proves she really wants to marry you. I would imagine the worst part about asking a girl is not being 100% sure she wants to say yes.

AlanD · 08-01-2008 1:49pm

greenkittie wrote: »

On this website people are always advising to let the girl pick her own ring. To me this seems like the most unromantic thing ever! I'd feel really dissapointed if i was proposed to without a proper ring, if the guy you are going to marry dosn't know you well enough to pick a ring you would like then he dosn't know you well enough to marry you.

I knew before I was going to propose that she wanted to pick the ring out herself and go through that whole process. She loved it all. But then for me, I knew the score and didn't have to guess. As you rightly said, some girls just want to be presented with the ring, which is cool too.

greenkittie · 08-01-2008 3:59pm

Yea im not particularly picky really which i suppose helps. I would be happy with any ring as long as its small and dainty. The boyfriend who would be proposing would by that point know i only like dainty jewlery and that i have small hands so anything big would look stupid. Really i love the idea of my man picking me something he wants to see me wear. Suppose im just old fashioned :rolleyes:

ztoical · 08-01-2008 4:06pm

greenkittie wrote: »

On this website people are always advising to let the girl pick her own ring. To me this seems like the most unromantic thing ever! I'd feel really dissapointed if i was proposed to without a proper ring, if the guy you are going to marry dosn't know you well enough to pick a ring you would like then he dosn't know you well enough to marry you.

really you'd be dssapointed? I don't think I'd even notice I'd be to focused on the "hey I'm engaged" thing

NextSteps · 08-01-2008 4:06pm

seamus wrote: »

It's all well to say that he "should know", but that's romantic bull tbh. He may get it in the ballpark, but there's no way he'd get the right one. It would be like sending him clothes shopping for you without telling him what you want. The size would be close and the colours would be more-or-less what you wear, but you'd probably only ever be happy to wear the underwear.

Never were truer words spoken.

I like Cathoo's idea of a counter-proposal - would keep both of you happy!

dirtydress · 08-01-2008 7:14pm

AlanD wrote: »

But if you think your g/f is going to propose, don't take it away from her. Don't make it a competition. Don't do anything to cause resentment. Relationships are hard work, so you don't want to do anything you'll regret.

Agreed, this is obviously something she's excited about if she's got the day all planned out...dont take that away from her because you want to be manly or whatever just enjoy the moment.

Murtinho · 08-01-2008 7:19pm

There'll be a lot of lads sweating parsnips this february

estar · 08-01-2008 7:40pm

to spur you on!!! get her a ticket to dubai and buy a nice ring over there for half the price. dont buy her a ring. girls like to choose. if you must, just buy a diamond and let her choose the setting herself. princess cut are nicest. imo.

greenkittie · 09-01-2008 11:21am

ztoical wrote: »

really you'd be dssapointed? I don't think I'd even notice I'd be to focused on the "hey I'm engaged" thing

heh yea ok dissapointed was the wrong word! I just think it would detract from the romance of the moment.

I find the idea of a girl going to choose her own ring very materialistic.

Hitchhiker's Guide to... · 09-01-2008 12:27pm

Would you not let her propose? You talked about tradition, but isn't it traditional for a girl to propose in a leap year?

Anyway, that's beside the point. It sounds like a great and happy time in your life - good luck!

ztoical · 09-01-2008 1:52pm

greenkittie wrote: »

heh yea ok dissapointed was the wrong word! I just think it would detract from the romance of the moment.

I find the idea of a girl going to choose her own ring very materialistic.

I think it would depend on each case. Some people have rings from family, like their great grannies ring, that they want to use. I know some guys who've used a promise ring or stand in ring for the big question so they've something to use but then go and chose a ring together afterwards. Me, I'm an artists and I've made alot of my own jewelery so I'd prob want to make my own or better yet help him make it, wouldn't care how badly he did it as it would be the thought that counted.

greenkittie · 10-01-2008 10:30am

ztoical wrote: »

Me, I'm an artists and I've made alot of my own jewelery so I'd prob want to make my own or better yet help him make it, wouldn't care how badly he did it as it would be the thought that counted.

Thata really sweet!

My girlfriend is going to propose...

Comments