Speed Dating - Terrified

deathstarkiller

Ok, first things I know that my issue is very trivial compared to most of the others here but I'm going to put it out there anyway.
I'm a 34 year old man and when it comes to women I'm not too good. I have a fairly good job, lots of great friends and hobbies. I'm told I'm not too bad looking and I try to stay in shape. I do still live at home which doesn't really bother me as I'm at the stage where I know there's no way I'll afford a home on my own. I do have a fear that women will think I'm a failure because of this. Half of my friends are of a similar age and in the same situation but it doesn't seem to affect them at all.
I can be very shy/quiet around people I don't know and it takes me ages before I'm comfortable talking to anyone, like weeks so I'm terrible at meeting anyone in pubs and clubs. Any relationships I've been in I was 100% sure they would say yes before I asked them out or they made the first move. I have a hard time handling rejection. I have never had a female friend and wish that I had. I just don't understand why at this stage I'm still so quiet around women. Yet if I know they have a boyfriend I have no problems around them. It's like my personality shuts off and I'm afraid anything I say or do will make me look like a muppet so I say and do nothing until they're gone. I just always feel 'out of place' in social settings. I suppose I've always been a bit nervous of it even though my mates say I don't seem that way. I used to be so bad about ten years ago that I'd get panic attacks at the thoughts of going out but I got over that.
Most of my friends don't go out anymore so I'm not out that much. They've never understood why I get like this as I seem to have confidence in everything else I do. I'm in a drama society and I'm in a few plays a year. You can't keep me away if there's a karaoke on. I've done a parachute jump and I'm planning on doing another. I love to travel and try to go to at least one country I haven't been to before per year. None of that scares me because I'm always in control in all those activities. Acting, even in front of a few hundred people doesn't scare me cause I've a script and I know what everyone is going to do but there's no script in life. I've had situations where a woman has tried to speak to me and the most inane of answers have come out of me in a mess, I've actually mixed words up a few times I'm so nervous. I mean I'm more afraid of talking to women and looking a fool than I am of jumping out of a plane!! I haven't been on a date since me last relationship ended which was 3 and a half years ago and I ended that because we just weren't getting on that well and she was talking marriage.??? Funny thing is I ended it with the idea that I was finally comfortable with women and would start playing the field. It didn't happen, I did get to see a lot of movies and play video games though but not one date, the only kiss I've had in 3 and a half years has been on stage in a play so it goes to say there's been no sex.
I know what you're thinking. 'Where is he going with this?' I'll get to it now, I didn't even know where all that came from. I decided in December that I had to do something this year so one of my friends suggested Speed Dating would be good because whether I liked it or not I'd have to speak to women and even if the first one was a train wreck of a night that if we did one every month or two maybe I'd get comfortable speaking to women again. So we're going this Thursday and I am terrified. I mean I'm thinking of trying to find a way out of it. I'm scared I'm just gonna look like a rabbit in headlights for the whole thing and not know what to say. Eh, any tips?
PS.
Sorry that ended up so long.
I don't think I'm as pathetic as I've just made myself sound.

Blisterman

Just relax, have a drink or two beforehand, but not too many, and do it, is all I say.

It'll get easier the more you do it.

deathstarkiller

Thanks, I wrote everything else about me but I forgot to add I don't really drink as I get drunk really easy. Like two pints and I'm flying. I also find that unlike other people, drink just amplifies everything that scares me. I actually think more when I've drink in me so I kinda stopped altogether over Crimbo.

Beruthiel

deathstarkiller wrote: »

So we're going this Thursday and I am terrified. I mean I'm thinking of trying to find a way out of it. I'm scared I'm just gonna look like a rabbit in headlights for the whole thing and not know what to say. Eh, any tips?.

Wow. You think waaay too much, switch it around a bit.
Will you die if you go?
Will you die if a woman talks to you?
You need to relax, don't drink, go to the speed dating and tell the woman you're a tad nervous as it's your first time to do this. Then pretend you're talking to a mate. Relax and be yourself. Seriously, it's not rocket science, these women are probably a tad nervous too and as I said, you won't die from it.
You get to live once, don't let fear hold you back on having a fantastic life!

the_syco

deathstarkiller wrote: »

I do still live at home which doesn't really bother me as I'm at the stage where I know there's no way I'll afford a home on my own. I do have a fear that women will think I'm a failure because of this.

<snip>

I'm afraid anything I say or do will make me look like a muppet

<snip>

I love to travel and try to go to at least one country I haven't been to before per year.

OK, in a nut shell you hold back cos you want to look respectable, and I can understand that.

But here's the deal: when you go abroad, I take it you go alone? If not, do so. Go somewhere that you know no-one, where you can let loose, act the complete f**king tool, the charmer, fall down drunk, and no-one at home will know. You pull a girl, and you'll be taking her back to your hotel room, not back to your parents house.

Rattlehead_ie

Will you die if a woman talks to you?

I have actually know this to happen.......... although coulda been what the guys actually said to the woman.

OP: As Miss Beruthiel said, relax be yourself and just chat to them as if they were a mate. Remember with all these kinda things, dating website, speed dating and others like it, the people that your going ot meet are probably in the same situation as you. They're nervous, maybe there is a girl at this thing on Thursday that ahs never had a guy friend and gets really nervous around guys.