raising a mixed child

rosarosa

hi everyone....

I thought I might get some feedback from other parents on how best to make sure my child learns to be proud of himself and to be strong enough to deal with other schoolkids when he goes to school later this year. he is mixed race and I have a lot of anxiety over bullies and such as we live in a pretty small town and as far as I can tell, he is the only bi-racial child. my husband says I shouldn't worry, but I am! and it's really making me upset. I understand Ireland has only recently been exposed to other "cultures"- for lack of a better word- and at first it was hard going for me to face that, but now that I'm ok, I'm really worried that my son will have a hard time.

maybe I'm worried about nothing, but I don't know if we should maybe just move to a bigger, more integrated town.

Quality

I dont think you should worry...

However maybe you could have a chat with the principal of the school and ask to see their policy on bullying and harrasment.

Best of luck, I am sure everything will be ok.

dame

Hi rosarosa,

I have no experience of this but I would think that if anything he's better off going to school in the small town where he has grown up until now. Small kids don't have prejudices (unless someone teaches them those prejudices) and when he starts school he will just mix with all the other kids in his class, the same as the other kids will. After, you and your husband been accepted where you are and don't have any problems of that kind, so your child surely will have the same experience. People are used to seeing him around town and the other parents will know you and your husband and that you are decent, nice people. I think moving will only upset your son and yourselves. Just calm down, don't make a big deal out of it and let him start school with his neighbours and the kids he already knows. Perhaps you could start introducing yourselves and him to more and more people in the town. Get involved in community activities that you normally wouldn't, bring him community games, concerts in the local hall, anything at all that's going on. Best of luck!

AckwelFoley

You are going to worry anyway because your his mother, but i think Ireland is a different place than 10 or 20 years ago so i dont think it should be too much of an issue. Im sure it will crop up at some stage of the childs life but probably not until hes in his early teens, thats when kids start getting nasty. Its important that the kid is with good friends for support and its imoirtant that you make that happen as early as you can by encouraging him to have friends over to the house etc

ex_infantry man

you,ll be grand as was said small kids don,t have predjudice in them unless taught it, your worrying about nothing, i,ve seen how people adjusted to having foreign people in there towns and schools like,russian polish and african as i,m from tramore co waterford and they were all welcomed with open arms to our town when they started arriving 8 yrs ago

luckat

A friend of mine was bringing up her half-Caribbean, half-Irish daughter in England, and on the ferry back from a visit home to Ireland, a little boy came up to the little girl, aged about five.

"Why do you have funny hair?" he asked her. (She has a glorious cotton-candy-like cloud of beautiful hair.)

She looked at him. "Dunno. Why do you have a fat bottom?"

Collapse of stout party.

embee

luckat wrote: »

A friend of mine was bringing up her half-Caribbean, half-Irish daughter in England, and on the ferry back from a visit home to Ireland, a little boy came up to the little girl, aged about five.

"Why do you have funny hair?" he asked her. (She has a glorious cotton-candy-like cloud of beautiful hair.)

She looked at him. "Dunno. Why do you have a fat bottom?"

Collapse of stout party.

lol

OP, I know it is natural to worry about such things as a Mother, we all do it, but I think that in 21st century Ireland your little boy is going to be in school with a diverse range of kids (every child is different than the next, no matter where they come from) that I think that you shouldn't allow yourself to worry. Naturally, he should be proud of his heritage (we all should be) and it is a good idea to instill that in him, but I wouldn't go down the road of telling him he should be proud to be different in anyway. I am proud of my 100% Irish blood. I'd be proud of who I was no matter where I am or who I am mixing with, because I was brought up to believe that everyones the same... as my Mam said to me once :

"Everyone in this world has the same colour poo"

That made me laugh as a child and it stuck with me

Quality made a good suggestion there in suggesting you speak to the principal and get an idea of their bullying and harrassment policy. People say all the time that bullying is rampant in schools... I don't know that it is. I asked my 10 year old cousin about 3 months ago if anyone was being bullied in her class. She said that 1 girl was being bullied, because she likes to wear brightly coloured odd socks (as a fashion statement - the bully in the class makes up stories that she wears odd socks because she's poor etc). I think that bullies will find things to pick on and run with it. Apparently this little girl in my cousins class isn't bothered by the name-calling in any way, she stands up for herself but isn't aggressive and doesn't name-call back... good parenting!!

di11on

Quality wrote: »

... However maybe you could have a chat with the principal of the school and ask to see their policy on bullying and harrasment.

I'm not sure... my gut feeling is that the last thing you want to do is make an issue of this before it ever becomes an issue, if it ever does at all and other posters have rightly said that Ireland is a very very different place than 10/20 years ago.

I would be wary of paranoia in this regard also. It's obviously perfectly natural to worry for your child, but the last thing you want to do is convey, subconsiously, to your child that there is something to worry about where there isn't, necessarily.

The best way for your child to be confident in himself is by you and those around you demonstrating your confidence in him. Excessive worrying may have an undermining infuence in this regard. Constantly affirm him. Believe in him and he'll believe in himself.

rosarosa

well, thank you for the replies....
I had an idea about talking to the principle about things,but yes, I didn't want to introduce a situation that might never happen. AND I didn't want the school to feel that they have to keep an "eye" on him. that would single him out from the start.

I never experienced bullying myself growing up and I went to pretty integrated schools. In fact, I only ever thought about it when I lived in England for a while and was apalled at the amount of stress young children endure!!

Maybe I am just being worried for nothing, but it's eating away at the back of my brain. My husband is from Dublin and he had suggested (probably after all my moaning) about going to live there, but I don't think that I could live in Dublin after all the peace down here.

I am Catholic but as we had a civil marriage, I haven't yet had the baby baptised. Do you thin that the baptismal certificate will be needed here as well?

dame

rosarosa wrote: »

Do you thin that the baptismal certificate will be needed here as well?

For what, securing him a place in the nearest school? The only way to find that out is to ask the school.

Relax, things will be fine. Be positive about starting school and tell him how much fun he'll have. He'll be happy as larry going in and everybody likes talking/playing with someone who is happy and positive.