Embarrasing Office problem (girl-girl)....

lalabelle

Hi guys

Basically this is the problem... I'm in love with a girl at work and its causing huge problems.

Shes a lot younger than me.... (Im early 30s shes mid 20s) and I've known her for a year.

I'm bi and always have been.... except Ive always been able to keep it under control but not with this girl. A few weeks ago we had a few to many drinks and we ended up sharing a bed and I came onto her ...... she didn't really say anything... just pushed me away. The next morning she seemed fine but then went realy wierd later in the day and for the next week or so....

I though things were fine but then we had a big row....(seperate issue, very embarrasing, i got too drunk and did something stupid that led everyone in the office to be angry at me, but its unrelated to my feeling s for her).....

after this She reported me to the boss... (for my own good)... who said that I had an unhealthy closeness with her. Ive never been so embarrasses.....

At christmas she gave me a really thoughtful present though, and she doesn't seem to realy like her bf..... my friends think she might be bi or confused too. She seems to really like me sometimes.

Ive lost a lot of friends at work over this whole issue.... what shoud I do?

Sorry if this isn't very cohernt.... I just don't know what to do.

LegacyUser

If she pushed you away and reported you for something (Regardless), i think its pretty safe to assume she's not interested.

Leave her alone, don't persue it.

seamus

lalabelle wrote: »

The next morning she seemed fine but then went realy wierd later in the day and for the next week or so....

She probably was fine. When you're embarrassed and confused your mind can play tricks on you and make you think things that aren't true - that people are avoiding you or acting weird and such.

after this She reported me to the boss... (for my own good)... who said that I had an unhealthy closeness with her. Ive never been so embarrasses.....

I'm curious why your boss would say this when the second incident had nothing to do with your feelings for the girl.

At christmas she gave me a really thoughtful present though, and she doesn't seem to realy like her bf..... my friends think she might be bi or confused too. She seems to really like me sometimes.

You may be seeing things that aren't there. Even if she is bi or lesbian, you can't force it. It would be up to her to figure that out. You may just end up hurting a lot of people and losing friends if you try to turn this into anything more than a friendship.

Do this girl and your work colleagues know that you're bisexual?

Given that you say you've made things horrible for yourself at work, would it make sense to leave now while you still have a good reference and start afresh elsewhere?

Marksie

While the same sex aspect perhaps complicates the issue in terms of whether she is or isn't bisexual. Break this down into the particular dynamic but accept that it may be amplified by the above.

You came on to her and she did not respond. You say she was Ok with it in the morning but later began acting weird. My guess is she got thinking and it worried her for whatever reason.

The incident where you got drunk and the subsequent response and reporting to the boss is a strong indication that things should not progress.
The fact he used the term "unhealthy interest" would to my mind indicate that she has told him about possible sexual overto9nes towards her. It also indicates that she isnt happy with it.

If we look at the dynamic it is not different than what would happen if someone gives unwanted sexual advances to anyone in the workplace.
Her subsequent present may be simply a placatory gesture. I personally do not believe that the argument was "unconnected", on the surface yes maybe, but it may have been the excuse she needed to drive a wedge into wat you were trying to develop.

THe basic bottom line is this is adversely affecting you at work. You have to take a step back and look at this as if you were a third person looking at the situation.
She is not comfortable with it, you are reading things into actions that you want to see.
It is a disaster in the offing. and you run as much risk of making a fool of yourself as any other failed attempt at an office romance.

Take stock and dedcide if this is worth pursuing, you simply muts separate out your feelings from the work situation.
If necessary apoloigise for your behaviour and limit contact to what is necessary for work.

It is now damage limitation. If you continue with this I believe you will leabve work as it will become unbearable for you. Or she will leave then your colleagues will turn on you as the casue of it.

lalabelle

Thanks for the advice.... I think Ive been a total wench about all this...

I've been trying for the last few days to get it under control and stop being weird around her. Its tough tho.

I really tried not to fall for this girl but theres just something about her. But Ill put it out of my head. Or try to at least.

McGinty

Best of luck with it Op, but I think Marksie gives really excellent advice there

Gumbyman

Hi lallabelle,

Sorry for your situation. Unrequited love is the horrible. But I'm afraid that Marksie hit the nail on the head.

Things will work out for you in the end. Just not here.

All the best,
G

vandermeyde

I'd go easy on the gargle when out with work colleagues as well...

drink and workmates are a bad combo.

paul_ire57

Hi Lalabelle,

I think Marksie has covered a lot of key points in what he says and makes an awful lot of sense.

Mixing relationships and work is messy to say the least and probably the last thing you want now is for more pressure from other work colleagues clouding the situation. Working in a stressful environment is very difficult and i think if you were to continue and pursuit of this girl will only end up causing you more hassle and grief.

Paul