uh oh. office romance gone bad

LegacyUser

I've never been able to be friends with the exs. They usually mostly disappear out of my life instantly or come crawling back for sex at which point I just flick them away. They've never been an issue.

There's a guy at work who just broke up with me 3 months ago. I know I know - office romance is a bad idea. I was very shocked and hurt at first. Now I feel angry and violent when I think about him. When I see him my blood literally boils and it takes all my strength to not go postal. We aren't on speaking terms and I really don't see it happening (the silence doesn't interefere with work). Am I emotionally unhinged or is there hope of progressing towards tolerence/indifference?

I like my job, I like my workplace, I like my colleagues - I'm not planning to uproot everything I've worked for over him. I'd appreciate advice from people who've been in a similar situation.

Esel

Why do you feel angry and violent?

Cathmandooo

Sounds like you just have to ride the storm as they say. If you like your job and colleagues that much then you're gonna have to just keep ignoring this guy til he doesnt bother you anymore. I don't see what else you can do other than giving it time. If you have issues with him that you want to discuss then do it, but dont say things that would make it worse and dont make yourself vunerable to him.

Does he mean anything to you now? were you in love with him? It's really hard to be friends with an ex and I'd warn anyone off even attempting it as it can be a huge waste of time. If you can learn to be civil to each other and work together then I'd be happy with that.

Overheal

How did the relationship breakup? Why are you so angry 3 months later? How long did it go on for? Details!

Oryx

Your comment about flicking away exs (like bugs crawling back) made you sound like you fancy yourself something rotten.

That said, this ex broke up with you, and you dont give reasons, but am I safe to assume it was just a natural thing, he didnt do anything other than end things with you when it wasnt working for you both?*

If thats the case then yes you are overreacting bigtime and need to give your ego a kick up the ass. Breakups happen and how we deal with them shows how adult we are (or are not). Thankfully for now the only one who is being damaged by your anger is you. Act on it and you will appear to your colleages as quite messed up. Every time you feel it well up exhale deeply and go make a cup of tea till it passes. Your feelings are no-ones fault r responsiblity but yours and only you can deal with them.

*if this guy has been the biggest asshole to you since Adolf Hilter, of course I retract the above and humbly apologise.

spinandscribble

tbh if exs came back just for sex when it clearly was never going to be on the cards thats pretty buggy behaviour lol

maybe you do have anger issues. three months on to still feel so mad is a bit much and slightly scary unless he did something terribly inhuman or something.

write him a letter explaining why you are angry. DONT give it to him.

imagine a ex gave you the letter and you did what he did. if he acted like you are now what would you think? its clear from your post you're aware somethings wrong with your reaction. if you feel like this alot regarding exs i'd consider getting help.

Jack B. Badd

deretsigernU wrote: »

Am I emotionally unhinged

It sounds like a distinct possibility... Could you not act civilised with the guy? You don't have to be friends but surely you can talk to him without acting bitchy, yes? Silence can't be the only non-violent option.

PeakOutput

get over it before you stop just sounding like a psycho and actually go psycho at him or some innocent bystander

barbiegirl

If you are going to have an office romance you have to be prepared for the break-up. If you're not DO NOT GO THERE.
Work it all out in a letter then burn the letter and make your feeling burn with it. Do it as many times as you need to til it starts to feel better.
Your feelings, your responsibility, your need to deal with it.

Suave

As people have mentioned earlier: what happened? It's not very clear from your post. Did he hurt you? Did he just randomly end it?

Either way, we all know how hurtful it can be when someone breaks up with you out of the blue. I think the key - whether it's an office romance or an affair of any kind - is to keep in mind that the irritation and grudge will pass with time. I doubt that you're actually feeling truly violent toward anyone; it's just the frustration of working in the same place as a malevolent ex (god forbid!). Try and live with it and it'll pass eventually, I'm sure of it - it'd be a huge waste to lose your job over something like this.

Good luck!

Gyalist

He who angers you, controls you.