Always an outsider

LegacyUser

Hi. Dunno really what I expect from posting this. I guess I just need to vent a little. I’m a 26 year old male. I’ve a good job, just bought somewhere to live, and all in all, that side of my life is very solid and I really like that. The one thing I’m sort of unhappy about though, is when it comes to friends. I’ve never really had a core group of friends for most of my life. You know when you’ve got maybe 3 or 4 close mates who you can rely on for anything, they stick by you through thick and thin, the kind of guys you could ask to be your best man! But I’ve never really had that and sometimes it makes me really sad.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I do have friends. It’s just that the friends I have all have groups of core mates, and I always seem to be on the peripheral of the group, a floater as I’ve come to call it! I lived in 7 different housing estates before I was 18, and as such, I was never around long enough to fall into a group of mates. After college, everyone went their separate ways, and while I’m still in close contact with 2 of the people from there (one I work with, the other, I keep in contact over email) the outsider thing still bothers me.

Up until about two years ago, I did have a sort of stand-offish attitude towards people and I was very closed off, afraid of letting or getting close to people. It came from bullying in school and that kind of thing. Believe me, it’s not a sob story, as I went into counselling, got it sorted out, and I’m a whole lot better about it and more grounded a person. But I may have burned a few bridges in my time, including my college mates and I really really regret that. I made some silly choices and backed the wrong people in certain situations. One group I did hang out with until a year ago gave me a hiding one night over something silly, and after that, I walked away from them. They were into drugs and getting messed up every weekend, and that’s just not my thing. It was tough and after hanging around with them for so long and then walking away, it kind of left me in a bit of a void.

The college guy I work with, who I sort of turned my back on (silly mistake) had me over the other night and seeing how well he got on with his house mate (who he’s known since about 15) sort of confirmed my thoughts of screwing up. They’re really close mates and have travelled and all sorts of things together and seeing that I realise I made some terrible choices. I am going to try and be a better friend, but the thought of burning my bridges makes me think it’ll be a bit too late. And I wouldn’t blame the guy.

Anyway, after all this rambling, let me get to the point. At 26, is it too late to make close friends with new people? I am under no illusion that the world owes me something or anything like that, and I certainly hope I don’t come off that way in this. I will do the work. This year, I’m signing up to a few courses, like drama and what have you, and I’m thinking of volunteering, all part of meeting new people. Is this a good idea? Has this worked for other people? Thanks for reading!

Esel

It's not too late. Sounds like you have sorted yourself out really. Be friendly with people and they will be friendly back. Your plans sound good. There are probably other people in work you could become good friends with? The guy from college you work with must like you if he invited you over. Maybe reciprocate - invite him and his housemate over to yours, get some beers in, and order take-out later? Or organise to go to the pub with them?

Karen_*

You sound like a well balanced guy with a positive outlook on life and the things you suggest sound like great ideas! Get out there and meet new people, its never too late!

sunnyjim

It's far from too late.

You've gotten sorted with counselling, got yourself grounded ( physically and mentally ) and now you realise how the game is to be played. If you're still being invited over to peoples houses, maybe your being a pessimist and a tad hard on yourself?

Good luck man, don't be looking for instant results, play the long game.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies! I guess I just needed to see if I'd left it too late in life to do forge new friendships. Hopefully with a bit of work I can do so and all will be well. I’m probably analysing things too much and should just relax into things a bit more!