Giving up drinking

LegacyUser

Warning: This will be long

I am 22, love going out with my friends having fun, I tend to make the most of my nights and dont like going for "one or two" as it makes me want to stay out.

This new years ever was a new awakening for me, i picked a fight with my fiance over the stupidest thing imaginable when i was drunk and made a holy show of myself in front of my friends and their parents(it was a new years eve party we had been iinvited to).

The next day i sat down and thought of the past year and reliased every time i went out i did something that made me say the next morning "oh my god i cant believe i did that" This ranges from falling and busting my knee, to flirting with everyone, to fighting with a bouncer.

I know it doesnt sound like a lot but i feel the alcohol brings out a horrible side to me, I am an angry person anyway everyone who knows me knows that ive an awful temper, but when im drinking i seem to be happy , but when something happens to piss me off i go into full scale temper mode.

I have spoken to my sisters(who i go out with a lot) and my friends and they have ALL said to me "We love going out with you cos you never know whats gonna happen with you" They also said i very rarley get mad when im out that i just think i do.

I know the drinks not the proplem and that i am. I told my fiance im giving up drink for a while and try to go out and not drink. And he said the same thing as my friends that "drink doesnt make me mad and even so i rarley lose my temper when im out"

It seems everyone i ask about it is telling me that its all in my head and my friend asked me last night to go out and i said no cos she knew i was off the drink and she said "Ah it wont be any fun without ya"

I want to try this but everywhere i look people are telling me its all in my head and that everyone gets a lil mad when they drink. I have also made a pledge to calm down temper wise and so far i have not lost my temper since new years(bear in mind id lose my temper at least once a day even for stupid things like dropping a cup)

All i know is i felt mortified after the show i made of myself new years eve, and after apoligising to my friends and their parents i feel better, but my friends words are still ringing in my ears.

What am i supposed to believe when my friends/family/partner say one thing and i think another?

LegacyUser

It's your choice, so say a big firm "NO" when asked out for a drink. I think your friends should be more supportive towards your decision to stop drinking, even if it's for a while.

Sometimes I get mad at little things too and it makes me feel terribly irritated. I'd go to my room and read a book or something while listening to some music and that makes me feel better.

Tell your friends, family and partner firmly that you've set your mind to stop drinking for the time being.

Good luck!

LegacyUser

drink does funny things to you. when your happy it makes u even happier but when your feeling angry it can make that feeling 10 x worse.

ive done some stupid things in the past to drink. infact i think my last relationshiip went belly up due to drink. we both drunk far too much and had so many silly arguments through it.

now im with my new g/f drink isnt a big part of my life anymore she doesnt drink much and neither do i. i feel loads better for it!

theres loads more you can do like going out to the cinema go for a meal or even a cosy night in with a dvd etc without boozing yourself silly. if your happy not drinking you stick with it

JuliusCaesar

do you want to be the entertainment for other people or do you want to lead the life you're happy with? I think yuo know the answer to this one....

the dee

It sounds a bit like the problem is not so much the drink but your temper. Maybe drinking makes the problem with your temper worse?

That said there's no harm in giving up the drink for a while - even if it's not the root of the problem, only makes it worse. If you think it would help then go for it.

Also, it's more important to change something that YOU think is a problem than it is to please your friends. Even if they say you seem fine, if it bothers you then that's the main reason to change.

CamillaRhodes

Do n t say, if you think you have issues with anger (rather than alcohol, per se) maybe you should consider trying something like meditation? Doesn't have to be buddhist meditation particularly, just any form of calming mindfulness which helps to keep your temper in check - I found that, when practicing meditation, I was so much calmer and less likely to lose my temper than usual (I used to have a fierce temper too). I also discovered, through a bit of minor psychotherapy (in uni, I never actually went to a therapist, kinda wish I had) some of the reasons why I was so angry, that I had this little ball of anger inside me about supposed injustices which I had experienced when younger. Once I was aware of this, it was suddenly like these subconscious issues suddenly didn't have such a strong hold over me.

These days, I wouldn't say I never lose my temper, I do - it's healthy to be able to get angry now and then - but I usually only do so when it's actually justified, rather than (as you suggest) just when drunk or if I drop a cup or something.

Part of studying meditation will involve not drinking so much (some would advocate not drinking at all) and I think cutting down isn't a bad idea for most of us - could you go out with your friends and alternate your drinks with soft drinks? or drink shandies or something like that? Or the good old reliable trick of making sure you always have a substantial, carb-laden dinner before you go out, to keep you a bit more sober?

Either way, I think taking steps to try to address your issues with your temper will really help you, and you may find yourself compelled to cut down on the booze at the same time.