How to "celebrate"?

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

I am really looking for a bit of advice here. Last year in February, a very close family member attempted suicide. Thankfully, with the help of doctors, nurses, family, friends......things are getting better. There is still a long way to go, but we were thinking of marking the past year of life in some way, but how? Or should we just let is go a treat it just like another day? We are just so unsure of how to treat it. It’s not like hallmark have a card for occasions like this!

I would really appreciate you help on this, reading the thread in AH, I know there are people on here who have very strong opinions on the matter.

Thanks again!

Maple

how does the family member in question feel about it?would they be on for it?

i think its a great idea to celebrate life, mark the progress he/she has made and to acknowledge your closeness as a family. maybe a meal in a nice restaurant, just in case emotions get too high and alcohol is involved at least in public people would rein it in a little.

i think even a card would be nice, just to tell the person that you're proud of them for getting through it. so many people just think it and never say anything, imo i think it would mean alot to be said.

best of luck with whatever ye decide.

King of Kings

you should clear this with the person involved cos i think you should in noway celebrate this - it will mortify them.

although i've never had suicide in my family or friends - i can imagine they only want to put this behind them.

Jack B. Badd

King of Kings wrote: »

it will mortify them.
...
i can imagine they only want to put this behind them.

+1. Seriously, at best you're going to be reminding them of their failure to end their own life. At worse you'll dig up painful memories and make it much more difficult for them to deal with their issues. I'm not saying to forget about the action they took (that would be ridiculously foolish) but I don't think a celebration would be the way to go.

xebec

Celebrating a year would be the wrong thing to do imo. How about making a special day for the person, just to show them how happy you all are that they are around? But steer clear of that particular anniversary, at least a few weeks before or after.

While there is much need for celebration, bringing up specific memories of a very bad time for the person certainly won't help them feel better.

galactus

Would very much agree with previous posters.

Why not make an extra fuss on their next birthday instead?

Electric

I kinda agree with the other posters the person in question may not be comfortable with the idea of celebration. You should mention it to them first.

So how bout something low key like just going out for dinner or a movie/concert? Maybe try something normal and everyday but which is fun and means spending time and enjoying each others company

Webmonkey

Don't do anything! - That would be awful for him/her.

Like say, just throw a bit of a birthday party or something but don't bring them back to the the day they tried to kill themselves!

LegacyUser

Thanks you all so much for the advice. I think celebrate was the wrong word to use!! I would just love to make it in some way, even just a phone call, or a cup of coffee but will put the "feelers" ot first and see what the story is.

Thanks again, its just not know what to do!!!

Electric

Maybe just tell them how glad you are that they are still here and should they ever need you, you are only a phonecall away.

It's nice to be reassured from time to time

johnnyskeleton

Unreg_Celebrate wrote: »

Or should we just let is go a treat it just like another day?

I think this is obvious.

Unreg_Celebrate wrote:

would just love to make it in some way, even just a phone call, or a cup of coffee but will put the "feelers" ot first and see what the story is.

This may sound harsh but it doesn't matter a damn what you would love, don't risk hurting someone's feelings because of your own curiosity, even if your heart is in the right place.

nocal

Electric wrote: »

Maybe just tell them how glad you are that they are still here and should they ever need you, you are only a phonecall away.

It's nice to be reassured from time to time

I would just tell them that if they need you, then you are just a phonecall away.

And a question - with Christmas and the New year - did they mention/appreciate the support that you gave them over the year?

I would definitely not mark the day itself in any manner whatsoever.
But I do agree that it is nice to be re-assured. If as you say the person involved is making progress then they probably feel embarrassed about the whole affair and certainly do not want to be reminded of it. So re-assurance and genuine friendship are the way to go (in my humble opinion).

Quality

why dont you do up a photo album of the person in question start with when they were young to where they are at now. Put in lots of family and friends pictures, Get people to write little messages on the album.

Get friends and family to root out some good pictures.

It will make the person in question feel loved and important...

Quality

I think depression is something that is not talked about enough in this country...Mental health issues have been swept under the carpet for too long.

I dont think it is good enough to ignore what has happened. I think you do need to celebrate this persons life, let them know how much you love them and thank god that they are still with you.

csm

I've some experience of depression although I have never attempted suicide. I would be mortified if a close family member marked the occasion in some way. Of course, that's just me. Everyone is different.

Taking them out for a meal or a coffee is fine but I would say don't make it because of that. If they are that close to you do you not do that pretty regularly anyway? Making sure they are not alone on the day is probably a good idea.

To be honest, you and your family are the people that are in the best position to judge the mood, and if you're not sure then just talk to the person in question and ask their opinion

j0e

depends what kinda group it is, but for me id do it with all my close friends and go to a mellow event gig/pub or chilling at a mates house and just simply say "well man its been a year, how are you?"

LegacyUser

j0e wrote: »

depends what kinda group it is, but for me id do it with all my close friends and go to a mellow event gig/pub or chilling at a mates house and just simply say "well man its been a year, how are you?"

Why on earth would you do that? Would you want everyone turning to look at the person in question while they think of an answer to your question? Do you think they'd appreciate the attention and focus on what happened a year ago?

Somehow I think the person in that situation would be happiest getting on with things and not being reminded of it, least of all in a group situation!

j0e

I would not make it the focus of the night, I would just bring them out around the time it was last year I would just say it in conversation, and to the person not to the group. Prehaps your relationship is different with your friends but with me and my close friends its straight down the line and no beating around the bush. The whole thing would be that its a year later and be surrounded by the people who s/he matters to and hopeful who matter to them.

Reku

Whether or not to mark the event really depends on your family member and whether they see their getting better as an achievement or whether they see their letting it get to them that much as a failing.
If they see it from the point of achievement then celebrate their success, if they see it as a failing don't remind them of their weakness.
If you do go ahead I'd also make sure to give them the chance to vet the guest list, there may be people who you think they may have told but have tried to ensure did not find out.