Losing his erection...

LegacyUser

Hi boardies,

Okay, I'll get straight to it.

I've a new bf and almost everything is going great...except, yup he loses his erection

Okay, I've never been with a guy who lost his erection like this. I mean maybe the guys I've been with lost it very very rarely but if they did I didn't notice as it would come back quickly...I dunno.

I don't understand it. It's happening all the time. I thought at first it was because he was nervous (he's not very experienced and he liked me for ages before we got together which I imagine made the nerves worse). However it's still happening.

We still manage to have penetrative sex but it might take an attempt or two. What seems to happen is, he's rock hard when we're kissing or when I'm touching him or he's touching me but as he manoveurs himself to enter me and doesn't "get in" straight away he panics and the "wind goes out of the sails"...

I'm terrified that maybe he's not turned on enough by me. Okay we have had some very good sex but the many misattempts worry me and him. We've talked about it and he doesn't understand it either. His sex drive isn't that high I think - he doesn't masterbate often. He can go over a week without it at a time. He does really enjoy the sex we have though and is always keen to stay over and initiate sex.

I'm always very VERY reassuring as I understand this is much more difficult on him. He's gotten upset about this and it breaks my heart seeing him get down about it. The truth is i've enjoyed our "bedtime" more than with any other of my previous partners even though they didn't lose their erections and could go for much longer. I always tell him how much I'm enjoying what he does!

I need advice on how to improve things. How to help him keep his erection and not cum quick so quickly! Also some reassurance for me... I looked this problem up online and keep getting "maybe he's not that into you" and "he's gay"... :O

Help...

Carrigart Exile

Its absolutely nothing to do with you; he fancies you like mad. Its the big sex organ between his ears that's causing the problem.

Overheal

Is he directing the penetration? You could try doing it for him - kinda like a kid get a flu shot keep his mind elsewhere like your eyes or something.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies so far guys.

Overheal, yup I've taken the initiative with many a time! I ain't shy I've helped "direct" him in - this working best obviously with "girl on top". He likes this position anyway though so yay!

It's obvious to me though that he wants to get over this. I often resort to doggie style because it's easier for him to enter me quickly without fuss. He's dead keen for more missionary though.

A tactic that works best so far is - me giving him a bj THEN we'll try to have penetrative sex. I think it's because his mind isn't as focussed on whats to come. He doesn't have time!

Ok, and um, sometimes he'll lose it during sex as well...

Zillah

he loses it why wrote: »

We still manage to have penetrative sex but it might take an attempt or two. What seems to happen is, he's rock hard when we're kissing or when I'm touching him or he's touching me but as he manoveurs himself to enter me and doesn't "get in" straight away he panics and the "wind goes out of the sails"...

Thats the answer right there. He panics and loses it. Just keep at it, he should relax and get used to it.

I'm terrified that maybe he's not turned on enough by me.

Thats stupid.

Overheal

He's probably thinking too much. wheres marksie when you need him? Man always has good sex advice.

He probably gets into it and then he'd be thinking about things like 'is she enjoying this?' 'can i make her orgasm?' and that kind of thinking will most definitely make you soft. Try to keep constant eye contact during the intercourse and see if that helps.

Terrlock

A quick question,

Is the problem a more physical one that he hasn't told you about ?

Is his foreskin to tight. Guys sometimes can experience extreme pain when entering as there foreskin is too tight and it hurts like crazy when pulled back. If he is inexperienced he might think there is something wrong with him and too embarrassed to say. There is many ways to fix this, I'm just wondering could this be the problem....It would cause guys to panic and get small instantly when just trying too penetrate that don't know how to deal with it correctly

PeakOutput

one thing that struck me here is there is no mention of a rubber. when your kissing etc(probably bj too) im sure he is not wearing a condom. then when you psychicly decide your both ready for penetration out comes the nightmare of getting the condom on? im filling in the gaps here and i dont want to judge and say i assume as he is a new bf your using a johnny but you know what i mean.

the odd time(usually with drink involved) iv had trouble getting from foreplay were i have been completely up for it so to speak to still be hard after getting the johnny on and getting it back with it on(for me) is difficult t say the least

just a thought


edit; i really need to go unreg for some of these replies

PeakOutput

Overheal wrote: »

Try to keep constant eye contact during the intercourse and see if that helps.

i have to say that if a girl i wasnt very comfortable with in the first place did that(a conscious effort now not just random eye contact) i think id be even more intimidated. eye contact implies confidence and if he is lacking it already this "challenging" look could put him off more. dont get me wrong i love eye contact and i could be reading too much into it but thats just what came into my head as i read it

LegacyUser

he loses it why wrote: »

.. What seems to happen is, he's rock hard when we're kissing or when I'm touching him or he's touching me but as he manoveurs himself to enter me and doesn't "get in" straight away he panics and the "wind goes out of the sails"...

Well there you go, you know the problem already, just make it easier for the manoeuvering to be successful (try D*rex Play), and keep practicing!

Don't read anything more meaningful in to it, or make it into a big deal, it will gradually resolve itself once both of you are more familiar with each other.

Terrlock

I think the problem is his foreskin...it has the hallmarks of it. Especially when sometimes it just happens while your doing it...all of a sudden it gets small and he panics or stops. And it would also cause the guy to panic just on penetration if he isn't doing it very very slowly and carefully.

He is probably very embarrased about it and hasn't told you or doesn't realise that this is the problem.

Overheal

I would find the eye contact reaffirming personally. Lets him know hes doing good I'd be bothered if she was off reading a poster on the wall or something.

EDIT: assuming he has a foreskin..

j0e

if u want to keep his willy hard and stop him from cumming so quick get him to wear a cock ring

davyjose

Nerves

Give it time, DO NOT make a big deal of it, and in a few weeks he'll be Mr. Diamondcutter to you. It happened me with my first 2/3 girlfriends and kept my 1 night stand quota mercifully low over the years. It all depends on how you react to it though.

Dave!

It's obvious that he is turned on by you, otherwise he wouldn't be getting an erection in the first place... Sounds like nerves. Dunno how to remedy it though, sorry.

LegacyUser

I'm a lad and have recently started going out with a girl I really like. The exact same thing was happening to me, except it happened at the putting on the condom stage and trying to remain erect after it (as Peakoutput mentioned). I was mad for her before putting it on, even fully clothed but just the thoughts of condoms and penetration seemed to make me anxious...and very disheartened afterwards.

But she understood so we took things handy for awhile and got over it just by spending more days hanging around each other just kissing and getting naked together. We both became a lot more relaxed with eachother's company and our bodies. Try having showers together and being naked with eachother just foreplaying it up for a few hours a day, should help.

LegacyUser

OP, are you using condoms or the pill? Does it happen when he tries to put a condom on, or does it happen even when not using a condom? I think that it could be easier if he didn't have to put on a condom..?