sick of playing 'the game'

LegacyUser

After realising I'm sick of playing 'the game'. I decided to take some initiative and contact a guy I met new years.

I sent a pretty light breezy message no mention of meeting up and got a similar light breezy message back (an hour or two later). It was sort of an open message so I just replied with a one liner.

Now I have not heard anything back so I'm wondering if I should wait a few days and suggest a casual meet up (like going for a drink say) or should i leave the ball in his court...ie he has my number now so can now get in touch if he so wishes?

He seems really cool and I'd like to get to know I'm better but I don't want to be overly persistent at the same time. We're both mid-late 20's

Any advice?

SarahSassy

If he is interested he will let you know... Have learned the hard way.. He has your number and will contact you if he wants to meet. In the meantime, get out and about, stay busy and dont wait for his call...

j0e

yeah why is it exactly thou women ALWAYS just wait for the guy to make the move? I'd say if he doesnt contact u give him a light breezy open ended invite to something of the same kind of event

Shelli

You say your sick of playing the 'game' and then talk about the ball being in his court....bit of a contradiction... if you like him be straight forward and ask him out, he'll give you and answer and you either get together or move on, no games involved.

Caliden

Ask him out, what have you got to lose really?

LegacyUser

I just thought initiating contact with him let him know I was interested.

I presumed if he was interested he would make some sort of effort now that he has my number.

The only thing that put me off is the fact he never responded to the last message but I know boys don't really give a whole lot of thought to these things (not as much as some girls do anyway)

MagicMarker

SarahSassy wrote: »

If he is interested he will let you know... Have learned the hard way.. He has your number and will contact you if he wants to meet. In the meantime, get out and about, stay busy and dont wait for his call...

Or, she could just ask him straight out maybe?

Women!

SarahSassy

From experience and the experience of my friends, 99% of the time it doesnt work out when the girl does the asking....

OP hope I am wrong on this one.

kermitdfrog

I presumed if he was interested he would make some sort of effort now that he has my number.

By making any presumptions and waiting for him to make the move you are doing exactly what you said you were sick of, playing games. Ask him out, plain and simple. He'll either say yes, or no. It's not complicated!

Talliesin

duwoopdewoo wrote: »

After realising I'm sick of playing 'the game'. I decided to take some initiative and contact a guy I met new years.

Then keep it up. Or did you stop being sick of playing games after five minutes?

duwoopdewoo wrote: »

I just thought initiating contact with him let him know I was interested.

Initiating contact with him lets him know you are interested in initiating contact with him. He might be hoping you intend more, or not, but he doesn't know.

duwoopdewoo wrote: »

I presumed if he was interested he would make some sort of effort now that he has my number.

Have you never, ever heard of a guy feeling shy or otherwise unsure about making a move on a woman he is interested in?

For that matter, have you never ever heard of someone who isn't particularly interested in someone becoming very interested after they make a move?

Just ask they guy out for a drink.

duwoopdewoo wrote: »

The only thing that put me off is the fact he never responded to the last message but I know boys don't really give a whole lot of thought to these things (not as much as some girls do anyway)

Or he isn't actually playing games?

Maybe he just didn't have something to say in response to that particular text?

SarahSassy wrote: »

From experience and the experience of my friends, 99% of the time it doesnt work out when the girl does the asking....

Whereas it works out most of the time if a man does the asking?

SarahSassy

99% of the times the girl has dont the asking it hasnt worked out IMHE.

j0e

if i was u i wouldnt be buying any lotto tickets

SarahSassy

j0e wrote: »

if i was u i wouldnt be buying any lotto tickets

Yeah lightening would hardly strike twice in the same place

SarahSassy

MagicMarker wrote: »

Or, she could just ask him straight out maybe?

Women!

Do you ever have anything useful to say?

Bisar

SarahSassy wrote: »

99% of the times the girl has dont the asking it hasnt worked out IMHE.

Well if the girl is currently single then 100% of her relationships to date (where the guy has done the asking) have not worked out. Sounds like she'll have marginally better odds if she does the asking.

SarahSassy

Im going to do a poll and Ill be back.

Talliesin

(100(n-x/n))% of anyone's relationships have come to an end where n is the number of relationships they've been and x is the number they currently have on the go

LegacyUser

When I say sick of the game i mean the game in the sense where there's all these little unwritten stupid rules like not returning guys calls and not meeting him if he doesn't give you enough notice general game playing.

I think here I took some initiative getting his number and contacting him. So he knows I'm interested, he's a couple of years older 28/29 and is definitely not lacking in confidence. My experience has been if a guy is interested he'll make an effort if he's not he won't.

I took the first step and don't want to be over-eager/pursue him. Seeing as it took a bit of effort on my part (ie procuring the number) I hoped maybe he would make some what of an effort and suggest doing something.

I'm not a big fan of the back and forth messages going nowhere so if I was to be the one to re-initiate contact I would probably just suggest doing something. I'm just a little unsure as to how I would broach this...what would be something interesting? casual drink?

Zillah

Surely if you were sick of playing games you'd have given him a phone call and asked him out? Rather than sending cryptic text messages.

What're you, twelve?

Overheal

Have to agree. if you're sick of playing games don't wait for him to walk off the court first. Stop playing games and just tell him straight that you want to ask him out.

af_thefragile

Talliesin wrote: »

(100(n-x/n))% of anyone's relationships have come to an end where n is the number of relationships they've been and x is the number they currently have on the go

That formula hurts my head!! :eek:

Anyway, for some advice.
I think you should just call up the guy and check up on him and maybe if things seem well, you could set up a date kinda thing with him too.

There's no where written in stone that only the guy can ask the girl out on a date.
Just go ahead and do it if you're getting sick of playing games. Stop playing games and get straight to the point.

Some (or maybe i can use many) guys even like outgoing girls who wouldn't hesitate to ask the guy out.

So yeah, just go ahead and do it if you feel like it. Its not gonna make things any worse if not better!

j0e

af_thefragile wrote: »

Some (or maybe i can use many) guys even like outgoing girls who wouldn't hesitate to ask the guy out.

Agreed I absoulety find weak women boring, but find that confidence and strength drawn to be high on my list on what I like in women thou them ones are few and far between

JuliusCaesar

Duwoopdewoo wrote: »

there's all these little unwritten stupid rules like not returning guys calls and not meeting him if he doesn't give you enough notice general game playing.

There are no rules! That's what you you learn as you get older. Rules only exist in games.....

AntiVirus

SarahSassy wrote: »

Do you ever have anything useful to say?

He is correct, you're telling her that she shouldn't ask him out because it won't work. Who's too say it will or won't. You?

To the OP you should ask him out if you like him.

csm

Well presumably it's been a few days since you met and texted him. You have three choices if you ask me (which you haven't but i'm going to butt in anyway):

1. Don't do anything. Continue waiting for him to make contact. Do not be proactive in any way. That way, according to SarahSassy, you give your future relationship the best chance of success. Although it must be said that you are probably minimising the chances of having any sort of relationship.

2. Text him again in a light and breezy manner. This is really a return to playing games and because you initiated the last contact AND sent the last text, you are starting to give away some of your power (can't think of a better way to put that) and are looking a little desperate.

3. Call him (i know! crazy) and ask him out for coffee/dinner/drinks/whatever (just not cinema or a gig, you want to be able to have a conversation throughout). By doing this you appear strong and confident (powerful, using the analogy above). He may well not be interested and say no. There's a good chance he will say yes (after all, it's just a date). Unfortunately, there is a 99% probability that it won't work out in the long run, but my response to that argument would be 'welcome to the world of asking people out!'. Whether it's a guy asking a girl or a girl asking a guy, it's still prbably not going to end in a happy marriage. At least if it's a girl asking a guy you improve your chances of getting that first date.

Clearly, I favour option 3. If you don't know what to say and are very nervous then just keep it short and get to the point quickly. Sample conversation:

(deep breath)

girl: Hello Lorcan!
guy: Hello Jacinta, how are you!
girl: Grand. Listen, I liked hanging out with you the other night and I was wondering if you fancied doing it again this weekend? Maybe a couple quiet drinks at Coppers?
guy: Sounds great, I'm going out friday and saturday though(cause I'm so damned popular).
girl: how about sunday at 6 so? I'll meet you in there.
guy: cool, talk to you then
girl: bye!

(puts down phone. finally breathes out. rings best friend to giggle for 20 minutes)

sunnyjim

Talliesin wrote: »

Have you never, ever heard of a guy feeling shy or otherwise unsure about making a move on a woman he is interested in?

For that matter, have you never ever heard of someone who isn't particularly interested in someone becoming very interested after they make a move?

Whereas it works out most of the time if a man does the asking?

Sound advice as per usual.

Whereas it works out most of the time if a man does the asking?

Exactly. 'Sassy'Sarah, where do you pull these posts from? Some Jaquline Wilson book? High School Musical?

greenteaicedtea

I have always been unafraid to ask a guy out.

Sometimes it works out, but all those times, the guy has eventually dumped me.

I guess they're flattered and go out with me if they do like me, but I think at a deeper level they DO like to do the chasing, and if the woman is asking them out/taller/makes more money/more educated, at the end of the day they feel a bit emasculated, even though I've made it easier for them and asked them out.

My present way of operating, is now to just try to make it clear I like him, and then to let him do the actual asking. And to pursue someone taller/more educated etc.

Having said that, if I found an opportunity to ask someone out, I would. However, men I have asked out, turned out I liked them more than they liked me, with the result that it didn't last long, I guess I was just convenient. So I wouldn't ask a guy out unless it was clear he did like me, eg. if he did the asking, that would be just peachy.

j0e

greenteaicedtea wrote: »

I have always been unafraid to ask a guy out.

Sometimes it works out, but all those times, the guy has eventually dumped me.

I guess they're flattered and go out with me if they do like me, but I think at a deeper level they DO like to do the chasing, and if the woman is asking them out/taller/makes more money/more educated, at the end of the day they feel a bit emasculated, even though I've made it easier for them and asked them out.

My present way of operating, is now to just try to make it clear I like him, and then to let him do the actual asking. And to pursue someone taller/more educated etc.

you must date very inscure men