what to do?

whatsgoinon

Hi all, I'm a new member here, this place is great!
I have a problem, I have been seeing a guy for the past 3months, nice guy except for a few niggling things:
I am very confident and outgoing, he's not and if we go out with my friends he gets p'd off when i'm out dancing or singing karaoke or bascially not sitting next to him. He makes very little effort to talk to them, then gets all territorial on me, kissing me in a way that I have told him that I don't like, I'm not into someone slobbering all over me in the pub, i'm not 16 anymore, I had told him this before and was seriously annoyed with him over it.
He is ALWAYS apologising, every second word is 'sorry', I'm like what are you apologising for?
He is really paranoid, I have to go away as part of a course I'm doing for a month, another guy who I am friends with but have no interest in is also coming with me, cue hissy fit from boyf.

I have issues with trust, if he doesn't trust me I don't think that this realtionship is going anywhere. I'm a very independant person, but he just seems to follow me around the place like a puppy, and if I bring up any of this with him, he strokes my hair and tells me it will be ok, like I'm 4 or something.
As for the physical side of things, he's not doing it for me, I'm used to guys taking control, but I usually have to initiate it. We always end up following the same routine, I try to change it up a bit, but it's always what he wants, there is no spontaneity in it.

Should I end it now before I get in too deep or should I talk to him about it again? Any help would be appreciated.

the dee

It sounds like there are some major issues in your relationship. I know a couple who are very like you - she is out-going, vocal and confident and he is very quiet, shy and caring. They're now engaged so I don't think different personality types nessecarily mean you're incompatible.

It sounds like he is very insecure in the relationship, and maybe less mature than you. If you don't balance each other out - and it sounds like you don't - then maybe it is time to call it a day. You can't change him to make him meet your needs, you can try but you'll probably fail. If you don't think you can work it out then I doubt the relationship can last.

How Strange

whatsgoinon....Should I end it now before I get in too deep or should I talk to him about it again? Any help would be appreciated.

OP, I think you have answered your own question really. Are you so desperate for a b/f that you would put up with someone that you are totally incompatible with?

Cut your losses now before you waste any more time.

Overheal

or if you do choose to continue the relationship you will need to get to the bottom of his insecurities - which may be a can of worms, really. Still, if you think he's worth the look.. otherwise break it off.

whatsgoinon

I'm seriously leaning towards responses received. I'm not at all desperate for a boyf, in fact, I really don't know why we got together in the first place, I'm a life is for living person and he is a worrier. At the start of the relationship everything was great, it always is isn't it, but then kind of nosedived. I can moan with the best of them, but he's of olympic standard if you know what I mean, he kept bringing up the price of my christmas present for about 2 days, it was a bottle of perfume. He's really keen for me to meet his mother, I have a different excuse every time, I'm sure she's lovely, but as I'm not sure what way this realtiosnhip is headed, I don't think it's fair to either of them.

He came over last night, I hadn't seen him in 2 weeks, he just sat and didn't say anything unless I said anything, and when I was trying to figure out what was up with him, he was like oh I'm just feeling a bit grumpy. Then by the time he had decided he wasn't grumpy anymore I was fit to be tied, I had plenty of other things to be doign asides from entertaining mr grumpy.

He's an only child, which I think may have something to do with it, I come from a big family. He still clinging very tightly onto the apron strings, he's in his early 30's, It will break his heart if I break up with him, but I guess it will have to be done, marriage is not an option here

Dizzyblonde

3 months is not a long time to be going out with someone so I say get out now. That kind of possessiveness only gets worse over time.

Dizzyblonde

whatsgoinon wrote: »

I'm seriously leaning towards responses received. I'm not at all desperate for a boyf, in fact, I really don't know why we got together in the first place, I'm a life is for living person and he is a worrier. At the start of the relationship everything was great, it always is isn't it, but then kind of nosedived. I can moan with the best of them, but he's of olympic standard if you know what I mean, he kept bringing up the price of my christmas present for about 2 days, it was a bottle of perfume. He's really keen for me to meet his mother, I have a different excuse every time, I'm sure she's lovely, but as I'm not sure what way this realtiosnhip is headed, I don't think it's fair to either of them.

He came over last night, I hadn't seen him in 2 weeks, he just sat and didn't say anything unless I said anything, and when I was trying to figure out what was up with him, he was like oh I'm just feeling a bit grumpy. Then by the time he had decided he wasn't grumpy anymore I was fit to be tied, I had plenty of other things to be doign asides from entertaining mr grumpy.

He's an only child, which I think may have something to do with it, I come from a big family. He still clinging very tightly onto the apron strings, he's in his early 30's, It will break his heart if I break up with him, but I guess it will have to be done, marriage is not an option here

Run

How Strange

whatsgoinon.... He came over last night, I hadn't seen him in 2 weeks, he just sat and didn't say anything unless I said anything, and when I was trying to figure out what was up with him, he was like oh I'm just feeling a bit grumpy. Then by the time he had decided he wasn't grumpy anymore I was fit to be tied, I had plenty of other things to be doign asides from entertaining mr grumpy.

He's an only child, which I think may have something to do with it, I come from a big family. He still clinging very tightly onto the apron strings, he's in his early 30's, It will break his heart if I break up with him, but I guess it will have to be done, marriage is not an option here

I'd say none of it has to be with being an only child; that's just his personality. I'd still say break it off regardless of how his heart may be broken. You are not responsible for his heart and it has only been three months so in fairness his heart should heal very quickly.

He seems needy, clingy, shy, possessive and quite possibly selfish. And if you can see all these traits after three months imagine what he will be like after a year or two. You won't be out and about signing karaoke with your friends; you'll be tucked up at home in front of the fire with a guy who never speaks but won't let you out of your sight. :eek:

Beruthiel

whatsgoinon wrote: »

we go out with my friends he gets p'd off when i'm out dancing or singing karaoke or bascially not sitting next to him. He makes very little effort to talk to them, then gets all territorial on me

He is really paranoid, I have to go away as part of a course I'm doing for a month, another guy who I am friends with but have no interest in is also coming with me, cue hissy fit from boyf.

As for the physical side of things, he's not doing it for me, I'm used to guys taking control, but I usually have to initiate it. We always end up following the same routine, I try to change it up a bit, but it's always what he wants, there is no spontaneity in it.

You're only going out together for five minutes and already it's a disaster. You know what you have to do. Who in their right mind would choose to live with that for the foreseeable future?

Gyalist

I'm sure you know what needs to be done but are probably wondering if that's the right course. Break up with him immediately and be honest with him as to the reason why. You'd be doing him a big favour.

On first reading of your post I thought he was late teen/early 20s and was surprised to find out that he's a grown man in his 30s. You aren't his therapist and his problems aren't yours to fix. Staying in such a relationship will pull your self-esteem and self-confidence right down. Get out now.

jayo99

Has he had many serious relationships? I know you said he kisses you like a 16 yr old when he's not getting the attention he wants but maybe its because emotionally he IS 16 ?

I disagree with the other poster and would attribute some of his behaviour to being an only child.

I think you should get out hun... If you stay it will only mean you compromising/changing and letting him control you/get his own way.

jayo

azezil

Sounds like its going nowhere and he's not right for you, no point flogging a dead horse, might as well just end it.

whatsgoinon

He mentionned briefly a failed engagement, alarm bells obviously out of batteries then. After about 2 weeks together, he told me he loved me, and that is where it pretty much all started going down hill. I just wanted to jump out the window adn run screaming down the street, at this stage I'm not even close to feeling that way about anyone.

I've been travelling for ages and doing all kinds of great stuff, and maybe got it into my brain, that it was time for me to 'settle down', god i hate those words. Coming back to this course after christmas was torture, but only because I was treated like royalty while I was home, I'll get over that by the weekend!!

He drove me daft last night and that's why I'm letting off steam here, I will be following advice though, I suppose I just wanted to hear it from strangers.

Thanks for all your help

Jigsaw

I think that you guys better split up. You just both seem completely different and there is no point persevering with a relationship that is destined to fail. That doesn't necessarily mean that there is anything bad about this guy, but rather just a simple case of incompatibility. You may break his heart (although I doubt it). He will probably be temporarily very upset but that will pass. Bottom line is that things need to be ended because continuing is unfair on both you and the other guy.

edanto

"It's not me, it's you"

Cathmandooo

whatsgoinon wrote: »

He mentionned briefly a failed engagement, alarm bells obviously out of batteries then. After about 2 weeks together, he told me he loved me, and that is where it pretty much all started going down hill. I just wanted to jump out the window adn run screaming down the street, at this stage I'm not even close to feeling that way about anyone.

I've been travelling for ages and doing all kinds of great stuff, and maybe got it into my brain, that it was time for me to 'settle down', god i hate those words. Coming back to this course after christmas was torture, but only because I was treated like royalty while I was home, I'll get over that by the weekend!!

He drove me daft last night and that's why I'm letting off steam here, I will be following advice though, I suppose I just wanted to hear it from strangers.

Thanks for all your help

Let him down gently It does sound like its for the best. He seriously needs to come out of his shell but it's not your responcibility to do it, he has to do it himself.

jayo99

whatsgoinon wrote: »

After about 2 weeks together, he told me he loved me,
Thanks for all your help

Run !!! Now !!