Things you have done to avoid a speaking situation!

ParkRunner

Well I know most of you who have a stammer will have done it at some stage, so what is your story?
I know some people have gone to extraordinary lengths to avoid having to speak such as leaving the scene of an accident, rewiring telephone networks in work, feigning illness, mitching off school, using a false name etc..

Charlie_Boswell

Ah f**k sake where do I start!! everything from carefully choosing my seat in class when I was in school to always be the last one to be asked to read, to writing my address on a piece of paper and pretending I was lost when i got into a taxi, to using which ever name I could say at the time when I met a girl (this got me in more trouble than I can remember.:D)

I remember one day in school I couldn't say the words "washing up liquid" so I said "quix" and the teacher spent the full class trying to get me to say washing up liquid...BASTARD..I can laugh at most of these now though.

I remember one night nearly getting arrested because a guard though I wouldn't give him my name!!

I still pretend to act like I've forgotten the name of something and point from time to time. although lately I'm trying to tackle my avoidances head on. Not an easy thing to do I can tell you.

Charlie.

*Murphy*

my sister at a young age decided to 'show off how well she could write' ALL THE TIME

bohsboy

I could write all day on this subject. Remember going out with a girl and having to phone her house, this was pre mobile phone time so anyone would answer. I had great difficulty in saying her name so tape recorded myself saying "can I speak to Maria please?". Phoned her number and pressed play! Genius!! But when the person at the other end said "pardon?", you want to see the rewind antics!!

Going to the doctors for some reason totally messes up my speech and I've recently resorted to writing down the problem on paper which can help.

I used to regulary walk miles to someones house rather than make a quick five second call to check something trivial.

The list is endless!!

ParkRunner

"I used to regulary walk miles to someones house rather than make a quick five second call to check something trivial."

At least I know now Im not the only one who did that. At one stage I was questioned by police because I kept walking past the entrance of a shop trying to psyche myself up to go in and ask for something. They thought I looked suspicious and rang the police cos they thought I was gonna rob the place!

BigPhil

Like most of you guys I could write for days on this subject. One that jumps out at me is a class that I used to skip when I was at secondary school.

When I was in 4th year we did a class on a Thursday morning called 'Communications'. Everybody loved it because they though it was fun but I hated it and it gave me a good few sleepless Wednesday nights.

Basically the idea of the class was to get people comfortable with communicating with each other. There were loads of different exercises. One was to write down three questions and put them into a box, everybody did this and the box got passed around, when the box came around you had to take three random questions out of it and read them aloud then answer each of them. I used to feel physically sick waiting for the box to come around and I remember taking out the piece of paper and my had was shaking like crazy. Another one was to pick a subject that was written on the blackboard and talk about that subject for 3 minutes standing at the top of the class in front of everyone. Absolute hell for a teenage stutterer!

It came to the point where I came in late every Thursday morning to avoid the class and I ultimately got a few detentions for being late alot. Oh well, it was a small price to pay in exchange for being humiliated in front of my class mates.

Stephen P

I can't think if I've ever taken drastic action to avoid a situation. Sometimes if someone asks my name they might mishear me and repeat it back to me and instead of repeating my name I'd just say "yes". I've heard a few funny stories though of other stutterer's who have taking massive steps to avoid saying or doing certain things. One person called himself a different name for years while he was taking guitar lessons because he couldn't say his name.

gramlab

All sounds familiar.

Only thing I really do nowadays is give my name as murphy(easy to say for me) when I'm ordering a takeaway - when you give your name collecting an order they almost always ask you to repeat it!

funky_monkey

When I'm having a bad day with my stammer in work sometimes when the phone rings I pretend to have a dose of the whooping cough for a few seconds until someone else picks it up! I have a phone which has caller ID and when someone I know rings I have no problem but if it is a unknown number to me I always get a big block! The phone is my biggest fear, I am able to deal with face-to-face much better. I'm sure most stammerers are the same.

When I used to be in school I always used to know where to sit where the teacher would not ask me to read or ask me any questions. I used to pretend to be sick days that I knew I would have to deal with a situation where I had to stand in front of everyone and speak. I never did my orals in school and is my biggest regret ever because I hate feeling like my stammer is in control of me. I refuse to let anything like that happen again. I hated feeling inferior to everyone else when everyone was asking "how did the orals go?" and I had to tell everyone I didn't do them and they kinda gave me this sympathetic look!

The funniest thing that happens me is anytime I have to talk to a Chinese person I find that when I stammer they think it is the most hilarious thing in the world. I used to be really upset by it and never used to want to eat in Chinese restaurants or I would always get my boyfriend to order for me (which he hated doing!) but now I'm completely used to it and in some bizzare way it kind of relaxes me more!

bohsboy

Pity about the oral exams. Bit late now but you could have made a written application to the Department of Education for extra time and consideration in your orals. My parents did this and attached a note from my doctor also. Was really nervous going in until the examiner said "I know about your problem, take as long as you want when answering, we've got all day". Seemed to go ok after that and I was surprisingly fluent enough!

tubos

I've avoided many a speaking situation. Too many to mention though. In school I would try and guess which seat to sit in in english so as to avoid being asked to read! Up until recently, if I was sent on a course in work I always arrive in at the first break so as to avoid introducing myself to the others on the course. Nowadays I never refer to my wife by using he name, if I am talking to somebody about her I call her 'herself'! (I feel a bit like Arthur Daly when he used to call his wife 'Her Indoors' ) I have trouble saying my own name, my wifes name,the town where I live and who I work for so its a pain whenever I meet somebody new!!
I have spent my llife pretending not to know the answers to a lot of questions I'm asked, I'd rather look stupid than have people laugh at my stutter!!!

I went on the DAS course, it was one of the best weeks of my life, great craic, while it didn't help my speech too much it did change the way I thought about my stutter and I am the better for it now. It was the first time I met other more covert stuterrers than me! I still would like to maybe teach myself some breathing techniques though and understand how different sounds are formed. I think this will help me improve my speech.

Pigeon Reaper

I don't have a stammer but have a speech impediment my entire life. It makes me sound a little dim to some people. When I was younger it caused me to avoid alot of situations. I still don't answer the phone or call places unless I know the person already. I also hate listening to myself on recordings so this led to some events in college when filming. I always had to vanish when they needed someone to talk infront of the camera. I don't think I'll go back to speech therapy as I'm able to communicate well with anyone who matters and most people pretty soon cop on as to what I'm actually saying after a few minutes.

Xhristy

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Jumbo156

bohsboy wrote: »

Pity about the oral exams. Bit late now but you could have made a written application to the Department of Education for extra time and consideration in your orals. My parents did this and attached a note from my doctor also. Was really nervous going in until the examiner said "I know about your problem, take as long as you want when answering, we've got all day". Seemed to go ok after that and I was surprisingly fluent enough!

When I was leaving school , our year was the first year to have Oral french. I was pretty good at french, with an A in my Inter ( old Junior cert , to you young bucks)

Stammered like mad at my Orals and ended up with a C in my leaving. Not bad considering that there was 25% going for the Oral.

I will always remember my French teacher saying to me that he asked the Dept of education if my stammer could be taking into account and was told that an Oral is an Oral and no leniency could be allowed for speech impediments.
I hope it is different know!

ParkRunner

It´s pretty amazing reading all these the effect that a stammer has on our lives. I hope non stutters read this thread too because I think the effect it has on my life anyway is underestimated!
Bit off topic here but was speaking to a guy last night and he told me to wait three seconds before I say anything. It worked! I was able to use my techniques much better when I just took a few seconds before I answered a question.

bohsboy

Trust me, they have to give you allowances during your oral exams. I did mine in 1993 and there was no problems.

Xhristy

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Jumbo156

bohsboy wrote: »

Trust me, they have to give you allowances during your oral exams. I did mine in 1993 and there was no problems.

Well I did mine in 1986 and as I said it was the frist year of Oral french and there was no leniency...

Peleus

wow, i was looking for recordings of the irish leaving cert orals. Im not sure if theyre available to the public anyway. It's really interesting to read all this. I never knew people with speech impediments worried so much about talking. I don't have one but i sort of know what it would be like. When i was doing my mock orals earlier on in the year i just got completely choked up and just couldnt say anything. It happenes to me in irish and french orals and its really annoying. it never happens when im speaking english tho. I might use that three second thing to calm me down in my orals since i have my LC orals in about 6 weeks. Its interewsting to hear wht it is like for someone with a speech impediment. I wouldn't know but maybe its best to face it and not let it get the better of you. good luck!

amtc

I've been looking at this and wondering whether to post. I can be very open about lots but not being able to say exactly what I want to is something that I only told one of my best mates about recently. He had never noticed, mind you. But I do. Not so much a stutter as the brain thinking very fast and the speech not catching up so a choking...

I purposely introduce myself at meetings by saying an introductory piece and then going into my name kind of on a roll, avoid words starting with D, love caller id because people just go 'hi'. I'm really good at crosswords and writing because I have developed a kind of mental thesaurus. Yet I hate getting into taxis and saying where I live...you'd be amazed at the amount of ways I can describe a well known suburb.

It seems to come and go and I have good months and bad months. It's funny because in work I have to be very outgoing and talk a lot but I can still see the little 5 year old hoping that the teacher wouldn't ask me to read The Wizard of Oz because of Dorothy...

"V"

I think if you have a stammer your forever avoiding speaking in non comfort zone situations on a daily basis. I find that it dictates what i eat and drink and were i shop or who i talk to . I'll only go to empty shops or barbers so i'm on a one2one basis, I wont go to mcdonalds or most take away outlets or coffee outlets as the fear of stammering in front of so many people is so great and because the most of the staff are forein you may have to repeat your order 2 or 3 time so it just makes it such a stressful ordeal. And i drink a type of beer because its easier to say and not because i prefer it. There is many more that its just became part of my daily life.

sadie9

I know it's like painting yourself into a corner. Did you every consider doing a course for adult stammerers, there's the PatMar course and the Dublin Adult Stammerers course. That could really help you on the path to working on the stammer and your feelings about it. Details on the Irish Stammering Association page http://www.stammeringireland.ie I notice the DAS link is down but if you email the contact email address, they usually answer within a couple of days. Also there are similar excellent intensive courses for adults run by the City Lit Institute in London, if you had the money/time to invest.

"V"

Yea i have inquired about the DAS but because i dont have a Dublin address i will only get one it if the course isn't full. And i understand the Patmar course is for people in the north west.

sadie9

The PatMar gives places to people outside of that HSE area as well. When I was on it there were people from all over. Hope you get on the DAS course (you could always give a relative/friends address in Dublin if you could arrange that).

sadie9

I have found out the PatMar course is on hold this year anyway pending these funding issues so not much point applying for that. Pity - so the DAS is the only HSE-funded course for adult stammerers looks like.

funky_monkey

V wrote:

Yea i have inquired about the DAS but because i dont have a Dublin address i will only get one it if the course isn't full. And i understand the Patmar course is for people in the north west.

Hello V,

I have an address in wicklow and had no bother signing up for the DAS course. You should ask about it again.

Xhristy

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Riddle101

I used to have a speech inpediment as a child, my parents couldn't understand me and the only person who could was my sister. But i went to speech therapy for that and i'm fine now. Sometimes I stutter when someone asks me a hard question or i just freeze up and all you hear from me is short burst of words.

By the way has anybody tried deep breaths before you speaks, i always find that to be relaxing

Stephen P

sadie9 wrote: »

I know it's like painting yourself into a corner. Did you every consider doing a course for adult stammerers, there's the PatMar course and the Dublin Adult Stammerers course. That could really help you on the path to working on the stammer and your feelings about it. Details on the Irish Stammering Association page http://www.stammeringireland.ie I notice the DAS link is down but if you email the contact email address, they usually answer within a couple of days. Also there are similar excellent intensive courses for adults run by the City Lit Institute in London, if you had the money/time to invest.

I posted the DAS brochure on this thread. It has all the contact details on it. Noreen is no longer working as a SLT but contact Jonathon or Duana. The course has changed and is no longer residential. Jonathon or Duana will be more than happy to answer any questions.

Bass Cadet

bohsboy wrote: »

I could write all day on this subject. Remember going out with a girl and having to phone her house, this was pre mobile phone time so anyone would answer. I had great difficulty in saying her name so tape recorded myself saying "can I speak to Maria please?". Phoned her number and pressed play! Genius!! But when the person at the other end said "pardon?", you want to see the rewind antics!!

Now thats extreme but ingenius all the same!