Close friend, I beginning to go mad about her..

juniper2008

Hi,

I've known this girl for the best part of three years now. We get on really well.. we are in constant contact with each other. Way more so than the rest of my friends are. I noticed a couple of months ago that I really really like her because we had arranged to go and meet another friend together. We agreed that i'd drive and pick her up on the way. Basically, I was really looking forward to picking her up. I enjoyed every minute spent with her. Then after I dropped her off again I felt really good. Thats when it all became apparent. Also, I met her parents recently and they seemed to like me. I just thaught to myself, I'd love to be going out with this girl!

I have a small suspicion that she likes me too.
Reasons: On a night out after the nite club should would often kind of put her arm around me on the way down the street. We used to spend ages on the dancefloor just dancing away together. I've met her sister twice (first time setup by my friend) but the second time i met the sister my friend stormed off, it's like that any time we get flirty or whatever she storms off and wants to get the sister away from me.
My other friends will always ask me about girls i've been with or whatever but she doesn't it's like she doesn't want to sound interested,I do the same to her..

Why I think I may be overthinking her feelings:
She is a really friendly girl anyway,would to anybody. I might just want to think she likes me.. nut she mightn't remotely like me.

Another thing that really bugs me also is that she used have this on/off thing with a friend I have recently fallen out with. I am getting really paranoid that this has been back on over the christmas (I was away). He used to treat her like **** before, only ever met when it suited etc. It would make me sick if they are getting back together. I feel as if I won't be able to handle her going back to him when I really really like her and I will have to just cut all ties with her altogether from turning myself into a freak about the whole thing??Also, whenever she meets lads in general I feel bad, not jealous as such.

I'm really curious as to how she feels about me. I would love to tell her straight out but it would be disasterous if she said "good friends". Is there any way I can tease it out of her to see what she feels..

Thanks for listening to my long drawn out problem.. any opinions/advice greatly appreciated..

Sleepy

Fair heart never won fair maiden.

juniper2008

Sleepy wrote: »

Fair heart never won fair maiden.

???

View Profile

Im probably going to get bollocked at for saying this but, "I dont think a single hetrosexual male can have a strictly friends only relationship with a single hetrosexual girl." [awaits onslaught:p]

Maybe its just my warped view of male/female relationships but if you get on really well with a girl, who you find attractive, and she feels similarly, then your bound to want to take it further,ie physically.

Whats better than having a girlfriend who you enjoy spending your spare time with, other than in bed...?!

My own girlfriend has a male friend who she has known for years. Im still uncomfortable with her meeting up with him as there is always the chance something could happen. In my eyes anyway. I trust her, but no necessarily him, as he is a guy, and guys will try their luck with any girl.
Luckily for me he has a gf and he rarely sees mine anymore.

Colonel_McCoy

Tell her how you feel before its too late or just make a move!!! Have no regrets

Lola123

Friend zone.
Unless she sits beside you with her hand resting on your thigh or vice versa, or you're both touching in a way that says "I want to score you" then you might just be mis-interpreting her being friendly.
I'm affectionate with my friends, both male and female but there is a distinction between platonic affection and suggestive behaviour imo.

How Strange

OP, take the chance and find out. Ask her if she would like to go out some night and make it clear that it is not just as friends. Beware of drunken snogs as that could easily backfire on you.

But, and this is very important, if she says she only likes you as a friend be prepared for the rejection and move on. Don't drag it out and make her feel bad about it because that will ruin your friendship.

If she isn't interested in you then its possible you will go your separate ways for a while but if you are mature about it you should be fine after a while.

O7Pat

EDIT: Post crossed with "How strange" --> much better and more succinct similar advice

kieranmcg1

well myb ya could get her drunk and kind of just hint ppl will just spill their thoughts when they are drunk ur not really taking advantage of her and itl put ur mind at rest . unless she doesnt drink then ull just have to talk to her about it

SoCute

You are probably in the friend zone. You should have made a move earlier, the longer you leave it, the harder it gets. Remember that for next time. Certainly don't "tell her how you feel" as that puts the ball entirely in her court and could make things really awkward. You want to maintain some power here because if you don't, thats not attractive. You also don't want to come accross needy or insecure about the situation if you want to get her. You need to take the initiative though and make a move before it's too late (probably is already but you never know). When you are talking to her next, ask her to come out with you later for a drink. Its time to be a man. You'll learn a lot by doing this.

Poppers1888

If you dont ask her youll never know - and youll always regret it if you dont say something now. Why not send a suggestive text or something and youll know by the reply what way things are going???
What about something like you missed her alot while you were away or something??

juniper2008

My God lot's of replies and so quickly.. Thanks guys!

I think i'm gonna go with the whole "friend zone" advice. I think I was overreacting just a tad..

It would be catastrophic if it didn't go the right way..

aye

juniper2008 wrote: »

My God lot's of replies and so quickly.. Thanks guys!

I think i'm gonna go with the whole "friend zone" advice. I think I was overreacting just a tad..

It would be catastrophic if it didn't go the right way..

i think you should go for it!!!
if you are as good friends as you say its shouldnt chance things.
i asked a friend of mine last summer out.
it didnt happen, but it hasnt changed things. in fact if anything i am now more relaxed around her cos i'm not wondering if i could try it on etc.

its better to know one way or the other.
go for it!!

juniper2008

But why can't everyone just say..

" Sounds like she really likes you..you should go for it "
:rolleyes::rolleyes:

beanyb

Maybe you are in the friend zone. Maybe if you do tell her you like her, she'll say that she doesnt feel the same about you. But, that's the worst that can happen really, if you approach it well. It would be embarrassing at the time, certainly. And it might make things a bit awkward for a while afterwards. But that'll change over time.

And as much as there is the possibility that you are in the friend zone, there's the possibility that she feels the same way. I think you should go for it. If you dont, you'll always wonder what could have happened.

Lola123

juniper2008 wrote: »

My God lot's of replies and so quickly.. Thanks guys!

I think i'm gonna go with the whole "friend zone" advice. I think I was overreacting just a tad..

It would be catastrophic if it didn't go the right way..

Well you may be in the friend zone...but what do a bunch of strangers know? :rolleyes:
I reckon you should do as socute says. Don't confront her and tell her you have feelings for her cos that's way too much pressure. And it's a bit of a turn off, you'd have more luck kissing her randomly and seeing what her reaction is!
Next time you're out having a few drinks/dancing etc be a bit more flirty, or else give her a kiss on the cheek but miss her cheek and get her lips by accident on purpose. That way, You'll have a better idea of her feelings, without making the situation really awkward as you can pass this off as "caught up in the moment" or "I was p8ssed!"

dudara

Sleepy wrote: »

Fair heart never won fair maiden.

It's a quote from a poem by Alexander Hope.

Why loiterest thou with dangling plume,
And face bespread with gloom?
Why not address thy fond heart's care,
Thy peerless Ermengare?
Dost fear that she will not abide
A lover all untried,
Nor yield at magic of thy voice
Her liberty of choice?
Be resolute, my friend, for ne'er
Faint heart won lady fair

Basically it means to stop dithering (your faint heart) and go try to be with her.

LegacyUser

juniper2008 wrote: »

But why can't everyone just say..

" Sounds like she really likes you..you should go for it "
:rolleyes::rolleyes:

fair enough sounds like she really likes you ... you should go for it,

only u know the way most appropriate to your particular friendship

Son_of_Belial

OK, I'm not so sure what the problem is... She's giving you all the signs it seems. You're dancing with her and whatever, geez, jump in. Grab your chance and kiss her dammit, I've plenty of good female friends I've kissed before and we get along just fine as good mates. Like Pope's poem there, go for it!

Son_of_Belial

give her a kiss on the cheek but miss her cheek and get her lips by accident on purpose. That way, You'll have a better idea of her feelings, without making the situation really awkward as you can pass this off as "caught up in the moment" or "I was p8ssed!"

Exactly!

MIN2511

View Profile wrote: »

Im probably going to get bollocked at for saying this but, "I dont think a single hetrosexual male can have a strictly friends only relationship with a single hetrosexual girl." [awaits onslaught:p]

Maybe its just my warped view of male/female relationships but if you get on really well with a girl, who you find attractive, and she feels similarly, then your bound to want to take it further,ie physically.

Whats better than having a girlfriend who you enjoy spending your spare time with, other than in bed...?!

My own girlfriend has a male friend who she has known for years. Im still uncomfortable with her meeting up with him as there is always the chance something could happen. In my eyes anyway. I trust her, but no necessarily him, as he is a guy, and guys will try their luck with any girl.
Luckily for me he has a gf and he rarely sees mine anymore.

Wont bollock you too much but i have mates that are dudes and we are really close... My best mates are dudes...and they aint gay!
I remember i stopped talking to a lot of my male friends because of my ex and i REGRET it.... don't stop being who you are for someone else!

Zapho

MIN2511 wrote: »

Wont bollock you too much but i have mates that are dudes and we are really close... My best mates are dudes...and they aint gay!
I remember i stopped talking to a lot of my male friends because of my ex and i REGRET it.... don't stop being who you are for someone else!

That may be so, and you might not have had any romantic feelings for those guys, but whats not to say they didn't have an romantic feelings for you?

Anyway OP I have been in a similar situation, but with a girl who was very affectionate, so it was very difficult to know if she was just being friendly or interested. I eventually plucked up the curage to act on it, and it didn't go the way I'd hoped. But the good news is that we're still really good friends and that didn't mess up our friendship. But don't lose heart because things didn't work out for me. I'd say give it a shot. Honestly, whats the worst that could happen (famous last words......)

estar

Sleepy wrote: »

Fair heart never won fair maiden.

faint heart never won fair maiden

just do it. you are already over the line. it will be hard to go back to
friends anyway

juniper2008

Okay, i've read about the guys that have tried and not succeeded with their mates..

Is there anybody who has actually came out with their feelings and succeeded??

Havermeyer

Is there anybody who has actually came out with their feelings and succeeded??

No. In the history of this kind of thing, never once has there been a happy ending. What do you want people to say? Everyone is telling you to do it. So stop being a little bitch and ask her out or something.

Overheal

your chances of telling her and have it turn into a meaningful romantic relationship? Slim. Not impossible. However, she's your best friend and feelings like these are not meant to be witheld between friends. You owe it to her to tell her. She wont run away or anything and much more likely than not you will be the same good friends you always were or better.

B00MSTICK

juniper2008 wrote:

Is there anybody who has actually came out with their feelings and succeeded??

I have! She was really my sisters friend tho but shes hot and we got on so I just went for it, you should too! Its been a year and I love her!

Major brownie points for this as shes watching me type this!

a4775

i reckon you should say something to her soon
i was in a similar situation a few years ago
actually it was about 6 years ago now(****ing hell)

anyway, she got drunk one night and told me that she fancied me and asked me out and everything
but i said no cuz she was drunk and i couldnt really believe that she was serious
why would she be interested in me kinda thing
anyway, she then tells me that she has set up a date with some other fella anyway
and after her date with this guy, she sends me an email telling me how brilliant it was and how great this guy is
talk about kicking a fella when hes down

the heart break continues and its all very tragic and everything
what im saying is, maybe if i had spoken up when i had a chance then who knows what might have happened
we could have set the world on fire or she could have dumped me after a week
its a chance you have to take cuz if you dont speak up your going to end up feeling like **** anyway






wasnt that a nice first post to get me going on here
aww, i see you guys block out the curses
thats cute

Vaio

My experiences of this (coming from a guy in his mid-20s).

1) Mutual feelings but wasted opportunity: girl I fancied for a long time and did some traveling with. I thought she might like me but never could convince myself of it ('why me'?) so never made a move. Two years later found out she had been crazy about me but by that time we moved far apart and I was dating someone else. The occasional 'what if' still crosses my mind.

2) Get rejected but friendship survives/flourishes: A girl I was friends with for a few months, developed feelings and brought them up one day after a pint too many. Got rejected in the nicest possible way, she offered to discuss it again later (which in the end didn't happen) and while things might have been slightly odd for a few weeks but they worked themselves out. Two and a half years later the friendship is stronger than ever and she's one of my best friends. Strangely, I sometimes I get the feeling she is hinting at something in a non-friend sort of way and there were one or two very strange non-drink fueled comments which leaves me wondering if she might have feelings for me today... and I'm not sure how to react either.

3) Get rejected and kill a brilliant friendship: girl I was extremely close to for the best part of a year - saw her as a sister and she said she saw me as her closest friend. Circumstances had it that we would spend the best part of every day for a few months together. For most of that time, I strictly saw her as friend till something happened to her one day and it suddenly hit me that my feelings ran deeper. I juggled with these for a few months, in my heart knowing she felt nothing and that nothing could really work out given new circumstances but also being the eternal optimistic thinking that those great months spent together (which to me were better than any relationship I had) must have meant something to her too. I also went at it from the ‘she’s a great friend so I owe it to her angle’ so ventually told her through email. Worst possible way at the worst possible time, a few days after she went out of her way to come visit me. Of course, I then got rejected in the worst possible. Sure it put my mind at rest, but it depressed me for a long time and ruined what I thought was a great friendship.

So what have I learned from this.
A girl's earlier relationship experience probably matters a bit. Each of the above was a girl who had been single for a long time which on the one hand can explain a reluctance to make a move but on the other, possibly, the lack of a desire to be in a relationship. From other experiences, I think girls who have had a lot of relationship experience tend to be less ambiguous about their feelings and perhaps more willing to to give it a go with 'a friend'.

But beyond that, I don't think there are that many rules. Some earlier posters said that if she was interested, you would definitely know it. I'm not so sure. Some shy girls won't show anything even if they are mad about you (for fear of damaging the friendship or for fear of rejection) while others will make it plainly obvious.

I certainly wouldn't make any big declaration of your feelings. If the opportunity is right try to kiss her (which could later be blamed on drink/having one of those days when you can't cope with being single), or maybe ask on a proper date or even try to steer a normal conversation in the right direction ('why are we both single?') and any of these will likely be far better than 'I have feelings for you'.

Best of luck with it.

a4775

ye i think big declarations are a bad idea
but just sitting her down and saying, "look, heres the thing..."
tell her straight but dont put her under too much pressure
give her a way out if she doesnt feel the same
but dont be ambiguous either
you know what i mean yes?
do you see?

whoknows

dont do it, i was there, exact situation and al my friends told me to go for it etc....i did, i got the "i like you as a friend thing". i have now lost someone who used to be my best friend. because no matter how much you try and tell yourself i'l forget about it and go back to being friends it doesnt work.speaking from personal experience.

CuriousHmmm

juniper2008 wrote: »

Is there anybody who has actually came out with their feelings and succeeded??

Yep. I did it a few years ago with a girl I was really good friends with, realised I liked her, thought she liked me, waited for the right moment and went for it. Ended up going out with her for a couple of years before the relationship fizzled out. Thing is though, the friendship was strong enough to withstand all that. We're as good friends now as we ever were, I don't for one second regret any of it. As everyone is saying, if she really is that good a friend, it's not gonna end the friendship if she doesn't like you in the same way.

But you'll never know unless you tell her.

LegacyUser

I was best friends with a guy for about 3 years too. We spent all of our time together around each other... in the same class in college, out at weekends etc. We were very close. Then we ended up going out for a few months. One of the reasons he said it wasn't working, was that as he never really went out with someone before, he could see things with me going good for ages and that scared him. Then things went rubbish. He could never see me 'just as a friend' again, even though I was fine about it. We don't speak anymore. It's strange as I thought we had the closest possible friendship ever an that nothing could ever destroy it. I reckon if we didn't get together there would have always been the 'what if'. I just wish the timing had been better and that we'd waited a few years and dated other people before getting together. It completely wrecked our 'group' of friends too.

Sorry if I'm scaring you!. It sounds like you really like her and I don't think you can ever know the out come of things until you try them anyway... things might work out brilliantly for for . Maybe if you try and drop hints/ flirt more or something and see if she responds.

tbh

whats the worst that can happen? Is your friendship that fragile that you telling her you have feelings for her causes her to ignore you forever? And if it turns out that she doens't feel the same way, isn't it better to know that, so you can both get on with your lives?

Come on man, tell her how you feel. If the situations were reversed and she told you she fancied you, would you be repulsed or flattered?

neuro-praxis

I was close friends with a guy for about 2 years, absolutely mad about him. I was convinced he could never feel the same because he was a real ladies' man and I thought the sun shone out of his arse etc.

Long story short he fessed up that he had had feelings for me throughout the whole of our friendship. I was delighted, we dated for a year. Then we broke up. But hey, most relationships break up. We are still on good terms.

Another good friend told me he'd had a crush on me for six months and would I be interested in him. When I declined it was the end of our friendship - not purposely - it was just too difficult to be natural around each other and it fizzled away.

Risky. But why not take the risk?