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Advice needed on mending an old relationship

  • 03-01-2008 02:51PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey all, ok, I (25) was going out with a wonderful girl (23) for nearly 5 years up until last September. We broke up because we weren't really getting along but after the bust-up, I realised that we only had problems because we never addressed them. One of these was that I was unwilling to commit to marriage etc but this time alone has made me realise that I am now ready for that.

    Anyway, we've always been in contact but she has refused (up until now) to get back together and try and make things work. I've probably been crowding her a little too much up until a month ago but for the last few weeks, I really made an effort to give her space and it seems to have helped both of us. She had said that she didn't feel the same love for me but I was constantly confused but mixed signals ie A few nights while out, she'd ring me drunk and ask me to meet her (i never did). One night, she came to the club I was in but left after 2 min because she said she made a mistake by following me there.

    Well, we've now decided to take things slow but to try and spend some time together and see how we feel. I'm positive I want to be with her. How do you guys read what she might be feeling? I kinda feel like I'm forcing her but she is very head strong and wouldn't do anything she didn't want to. My main question is: What should we try to do together to ease ourselves back into things to see exactly how we feel? Is there anything I should do or avoid doing? Appreciate any help you can give.


Comments

  • #2
    How Strange
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,339 ✭✭✭How Strange


    IMO, you can't go back to how it was so you are both starting a new relationship together again. That means that you shouldn't be living in each others pockets within weeks of getting back together.

    Treat it like starting again; see each other a couple of times a week and don't phone or text each other constantly when you are apart.

    It will become very obvious very quickly how both of you feel about each other


  • #3
    Son_of_Belial
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 578 ✭✭✭Son_of_Belial


    How Strange wrote: »
    IMO, you can't go back to how it was so you are both starting a new relationship together again. That means that you shouldn't be living in each others pockets within weeks of getting back together.

    Treat it like starting again; see each other a couple of times a week and don't phone or text each other constantly when you are apart.

    It will become very obvious very quickly how both of you feel about each other

    In a nutshell. I'm in exactly the same boat man, like word for word, just back with my ex etc. Just go with the flow. You know, in all fairness, you should actually be telling her what you just said in your original thread post. If she really does still love you and want to be with you, she'll listen to what you have to say and at least you can start off again together on a level playing field (so to speak). You also need to be sensitive to the fact that no matter what you say for a bit, she's gonna be miffed about your having broken up with her. There's a lot of truth in the old saying:
    Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

    so you'll need to be sensitive to that one. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about! However, good luck man, I hope you'll both be happy together.


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