Do long distance relationships ever work...

sidneykidney

Well do they?
Mods this isnt a PI I am just looking for a general view from the sensible people who frequent After Hours.

Sensible people don't come here often. They get boo'ed and called a troll.

Er, yeah, anyways, they do work. So far. I'm in one currently. My girlfriend is in university in England.

star-pants

How long-distance are you talking?
Counties apart, Countries apart?..

sidneykidney

Countries. Ireland and the UK.

prendy

and time apart makes a big difference?
will it be 6 months/6 years?

RobbieTheRobber

I dont think they work, too much temptation for both sides when your all apart and alone and then one day you think hey they will never find out if i just :eek:

Mossy Monk

They do not work. Forget about it.

Reku

I think the main issues with long distance relationships are:
1. Trust
2. Trust (just felt it really needed to be stated, anyone able to link in that youtube video of the girl chatting to her boyfriend as another lad tries to sneak out of her room, I'm in work so can't access it)
3. Making the effort to spend time together when you can.

5uspect

They can work if you put the effort in. You need to know how long the long distance bit is going to last and plan for it. Plan regular trips not just to your respective locations but where ever the cheap flight bring both of ye. Skype etc can help keep communications costs down also.

Lockstep

Long distance when you actually meet now and then is feasible if you trust one another.


Ones where you meet over the internet and never see each other in the big wide world of ReaLlife do not.

L31mr0d

I dated a girl for 5 years that lived over 4000 miles away from me. We stopped dating in 2005...



... when we got married. So yes long distance relationships work, and imo work a lot better as those 5 years where filled with long letters and 4 hour+ phone calls. Plus there is a lot more compromising and adjusting to each others personalities that happens when you can't use physical interaction to solve a problem.

For those dating a stones throw from each other when was the last time you can remember sitting down and talking for more than an hour. Or when having an argument, not ending it with a hug and a simple apology.

I believe it doesn't work for people who are in a relationship mainly for the physical interaction with a person. If you in it to learn about the mind and soul of another person it will last, but if you are in for the constant physical reassurance it will not. Of my friends who where in long distance relationships and ended them the reason they gave was that even though they talked and wrote and video conferenced they still felt lonely, they put this down to simply not being able to hug them or hold them close when they where feeling down or needed comfort.

In saying this, it was the hardest 5 years of my life, I do believe we have a better relationship now because of it, but I wouldn't really wish it on anyone. The end doesn't always justify the means.

davyjose

My girlfriend is in america

What he said though ^^^^ except for the marriage bit

wibblebee

Yes they do work aslong as both partners are prepared to make it work. I am engaged to my gorgeous fiance who just proposed on Christmas Day but both of us travelled over i am originally from Scotland and he from Dublin of 8 yrs, frequently. If not we chatted on the computer, net, and on the phone. I moved over from Scotland 1 week before Christmas 2006 and have never looked back. We trust each other completely. We are now settled together and very happy. So its really down to the individuals.

Nightwish

They can work if both parties put in the effort. It depends on the timescale of the separation also. My ex and I went out for 6.5 years of which 4 were spent in the UK. I was in school/college at the time so I couldnt get over to see him very often but we worked at it. One of my housemates is going out with a guy who lives in Saudi Arabia and they're coping. Granted she knows he'll be home for good next summer, which makes it easier.

Terry

Deleted User wrote: »

Sensible people don't come here often. They get boo'ed and called a troll.

Er, yeah, anyways, they do work. So far. I'm in one currently. My girlfriend is in university in England.

Dude, if you are a boneyarsebogman, then she is cheating on you.

However, if you are Brad Pitt, then she is cheating on you.

18AD

Polygamous relationship. Of course.

L1011

Managed it for a year and bit from Ireland to Slovakia when I was a teenager ffs, so I'd presume its entirely possible for anyone else.

Actually the expense of going their pre EU-expansion, etc, was probably the biggest thing that killed that, actually. Met them in Ireland, obviously...

humbert

It helps a lot of both parties are desperate and unattractive, if there's much temptation on either side you're pretty much buggered.

echosound

Works if there is a definite timescale on it - if it's for a finite period of time, at least there is a goal at the end.

connundrum

echosound wrote: »

Works if there is a definite timescale on it - if it's for a finite period of time, at least there is a goal at the end.

Agreed.

I'll be finished my diploma in 2 years = 100%

I'll be finished my diploma in 2 years, but then may continue on to a degree. Maybe = 75%

I'll be finished my diploma in 2 years, but then may continue on to a degree, and may then go further i.e. a masters = 50%

I'm doing Arts = 0%

Maple

echosound wrote: »

Works if there is a definite timescale on it - if it's for a finite period of time, at least there is a goal at the end.

+1.

Otherwise in my experience forget about it.

Terry

Terry wrote: »

Dude, if you are a boneyarsebogman, then she is cheating on you.

However, if you are Brad Pitt, then she is cheating on you.

LOL,
SECONDED - WOMEN NEED TO GET THEIR GROWLER INSPECTED .

pclancy

KaG1888 wrote: »

LOL,
SECONDED - WOMEN NEED TO GET THEIR GROWLER INSPECTED .

Lol

My g/f has been in China for the last 10 months. We met online 2 years ago, she came over here twice to visit me and I to her once in the UK then she moved to China to teach where I went to spend two weeks with her last November. Now we're planning on moving to NZ in march together for a year.

It can work but you need to put the work in and it means the time ye do have together has to be really well used. Ive thought of jacking it in a good few times and we've both been with other people a few times but in the end our long term view is we will end up together and i cant wait to get down to NZ.

pclancy

pclancy wrote: »

Lol

My g/f has been in China for the last 10 months. We met online 2 years ago, she came over here twice to visit me and I to her once in the UK then she moved to China to teach where I went to spend two weeks with her last November. Now we're planning on moving to NZ in march together for a year.

It can work but you need to put the work in and it means the time ye do have together has to be really well used. Ive thought of jacking it in a good few times and we've both been with other people a few times but in the end our long term view is we will end up together and i cant wait to get down to NZ.

Fair play mate, but you have a good girl there WHICH CAN BE VERY VERY RARE. (Awaiting angered responses from Quality & Cathoo )

flyingdagger

Yes and No:) Trust imo is a major part of it.Long distance requires lots of work and effort,and both parties are jointly responsible for this.So like any relationship really then :rolleyes:

pclancy

Well yeah of course she's good but why would you bother with a LD relationship with someone that wasnt good?