Quickies

rocky25

One morning a boy got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of chicken wire.
His father said, 'Son, where are you going?'
The son replied, 'I'm going to catch me some chickens.'
The father said, 'Son, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire.'
But the son insisted that he knew what he was doing.
Later on that day, the son came home with two chickens in his hand.
The father thought, 'I guess he knows what he's doing.'

The next morning, the son got up and was leaving the house with some duck tape.
The father said, 'Son, where are you going?'
The son replied, 'I'm going to catch some ducks.'
The father yelled, 'You can't catch ducks with duck tape!'
The son insisted that he knew what he was doing.
Later on that day the son came home with two ducks under each arm.
The father thought, 'Shoot, I guess he does know what he's doing!!'

The next morning the son got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of pussywillows.
The father said, 'Hold up, son, let me put on my shoes!'
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A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck.

Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw.

Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the barman, 'Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women - what's his secret? He's as ugly as sin and I'm everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night - What's going on?'

'Well,' Said the Barman, 'I don't know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night.

He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows

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A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas.
The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies, "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about the hook?"

"Well...," starts the pirate, "...we were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand clean off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch?"

"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked.

"Well...," said the pirate, "...that was my first day with the hook."

Ro: maaan!

Love the last one.

rocky25

Yarrrrrrrrrr:rolleyes:

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

And why are pirates called "pirates".....?
Because they arrrrrr.........

(sorry)

rocky25