Relationship has lost it's spark

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm a long time lurker on boards but I wanted to post about an issue that has really started to bother me.

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, we moved in together after about a year and a half. Recently I have found myself becoming increasingly annoyed with him and unhappy with our relationship but I don't think he feels the same way at all. He frequently makes reference to "when we're married" and "when we have kids" and so on but I'm starting to feel like that's the last thing I want.

I am 22 and he is 27 so while he is looking to settle down I sort of feel like I've never had the freedom to be young and single (this is one of my first relatioships). I've been thinking more and more about wanting to be with other people (but would never cheat while in a relationship!) or go travelling by myself (we have been on small weekends away together but he has driven me mad on them). He can be quite opinionated sometimes too, and I have a bad habit of not speaking up for myself, and since I don't have half as much experience as he does I sometimes feel like I will never grow and become my own person while I'm with him.

He has a habit of over-reacting to little things and making everything bigger than it has to be which has been getting on my nerves more and more and we also have had some big arguements recently about things which have completely taken me surprise. Some of them I could see my part in and apologised for but some of them completely shocked me by the selfish attitude he displayed and that has put me off a bit too.

The problem is that I'm not sure I feel the same way about him anymore, I no longer find myself looking forward to seeing him or missing him when we're apart and I find myself tuning out when he's speaking half the time. I feel so bad because I know he is still in love with me and probably has no idea he feels this way so while I may not love him I do still care about him and can't stand the thought of breaking his heart.

I'm worried this is a phase that will pass or that I could be throwing away a three year relationship for nothing if I break up with him and regret it but at the same time I don't want things to drag on and get worse. Has anyone got any advice?

spinandscribble

if you dont miss him ever and finding him so annoying that you dont even listen to him what makes you think you'll regret breaking up? i'l let the poor guy loose so he can find someone that will love him as much as he loves you.

McGinty

to be honest Op, it sounds like you have had enough of this relationship. It doesn't make you a bad person just a person who wants different things now, maybe you need time to be single and free, to kick up your heels, now you can stay with your boyfriend and keep him happy at your expense (and at the same time develop huge resentment towards him and unconsciously make his life miserable) or you can make yourself happy and grab the life you want, basically it comes down to this, make them happy or make you happy, now I am getting long in the tooth but I have learned this, you can only make yourself genuinely happy, you just become a people pleaser when pleasing others.

Nevyn

If you are done then you are done, so what are you going to do about it ?
Put up with a sham relationship ?
Have a sit down with him and work things out with couselling if needs be ?
Cut your losses and look for some one more grown up ?

Overheal

It sounds like you need to break away. If it makes you feel any better, theres no law saying when you break up you cant get back together in the future.

But it sounds like you've figured out what your life with him is/will be like and you just want to see what else is out there. So go. He's a grown man - hopefully, he will be able to understand that.

Its never a good feeling to break someone's heart but ... at the expense of yours? Lol, you sound like in another year of this you may die inside, like a canary trapped in a mine shaft go have a migration or something.

Cathmandooo

What you've described sounds like what i went through with a friend recently. I'm not saying its the same as a relationship but there's some similar points that may help you clear your head.

Me and my mate were meeting up for lunch 2 or 3 times a week, we were talking on msn all day every day in work and then meeting up with our other mates on the weekend. Suddenly I got a little overwhelmed by her. Every little thing she did bugged the hell out of me and i got very annoyed.

I snapped myself out of it by spending less time with her, didnt meet up as much, didnt talk as much and it went right back to me looking forward to speaking to her and not getting so annoyed.

Maybe ask your bf for a little space to do your own thing. Spend more time with your friends. Breaking up with him to 'see other ppl' mightnt be all its cracked up to be, it wasnt for me anyway. Try concentrating on his good points and why you're with him. him mentioning things like when you're married and have kids seems very sweet to me but he'd probably seeing it a lot further into your future than you think he is.

Take a breath and have a think about what life would be like without him and dont jump to dumping him.

Ishindar

sounds like u grew into and now have grown out this relationship OP. its important for both people in a relationship to be able to grow within the relatioship and hes not mature enough to help u grow so hes not a good partner.

IamBeowulf

Lostgirl wrote: »

Hi, I'm a long time lurker on boards but I wanted to post about an issue that has really started to bother me.

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, we moved in together after about a year and a half. Recently I have found myself becoming increasingly annoyed with him and unhappy with our relationship but I don't think he feels the same way at all. He frequently makes reference to "when we're married" and "when we have kids" and so on but I'm starting to feel like that's the last thing I want.

I am 22 and he is 27 so while he is looking to settle down I sort of feel like I've never had the freedom to be young and single (this is one of my first relatioships). I've been thinking more and more about wanting to be with other people (but would never cheat while in a relationship!) or go travelling by myself (we have been on small weekends away together but he has driven me mad on them). He can be quite opinionated sometimes too, and I have a bad habit of not speaking up for myself, and since I don't have half as much experience as he does I sometimes feel like I will never grow and become my own person while I'm with him.

He has a habit of over-reacting to little things and making everything bigger than it has to be which has been getting on my nerves more and more and we also have had some big arguements recently about things which have completely taken me surprise. Some of them I could see my part in and apologised for but some of them completely shocked me by the selfish attitude he displayed and that has put me off a bit too.

The problem is that I'm not sure I feel the same way about him anymore, I no longer find myself looking forward to seeing him or missing him when we're apart and I find myself tuning out when he's speaking half the time. I feel so bad because I know he is still in love with me and probably has no idea he feels this way so while I may not love him I do still care about him and can't stand the thought of breaking his heart.

I'm worried this is a phase that will pass or that I could be throwing away a three year relationship for nothing if I break up with him and regret it but at the same time I don't want things to drag on and get worse. Has anyone got any advice?

The grass is always greener. Sit him down and tell him you miss the fiery lusty loveliness that started it all. If youz still can't make it work, get out while you both still care for each other. Then, you can still be friends, and there'll be no resentment.