Presents from ex-inlaws

Davstrom

Hi all. I broke up with my ex in May after nearly 10 years together (thats a long story). Everyone was shocked and i guess the reason is nobody knows the whole story.
Anyhow, I got on really well with them and was described as my exs' guardian angel by her mam. But I'm trying to get on with my life and haven't spoken to my ex since she moved out 2 months ago except for a happy xmas text. But I got a call on xmas eve to say they got me presents which I accepted.
So my question is should I have accepted? And am I doing myself and my ex no favours by staying in contact with the inlaws?

Your advice is truly appreciated:D.

feylya

I would imagine that over the 10 years, you've met your ex's family several times and I assume you got on well? I see no reason why they wouldn't send you presents. Happens in my family.

nothing wrong with that, no reason why you cant get on fine with people you've met through an ex, family or not.

SarahSassy

It would be rude to refuse, my ex's MOther still gives me presents 5 years later and I always get her something....

It will probably fizzle out over the next couple of years.

Davstrom

Thanks folks, I just thought it was unusual and wasn't really comfortable with it.

What do your ex's make of it? Mine i don't think is too happy, she had a go at me one time about any new boyfriend she has won't be accepted because they still like me. I suppose it would have been easier for her if I treated her like s**t!?!

acorntoast

Davstrom wrote: »

Thanks folks, I just thought it was unusual and wasn't really comfortable with it.

What do your ex's make of it? Mine i don't think is too happy, she had a go at me one time about any new boyfriend she has won't be accepted because they still like me. I suppose it would have been easier for her if I treated her like s**t!?!

Hey Davstrom - I am going to go 100% against the tide of popular opinion and say - I agree with you - I think it's unusual and it would make me uncomfortable too.

One of my exes mother's really wanted to stay in touch, wanted to have lunch and used to ask me to call around etc. I went along with it for awhile, but she just couldn't really accept that we had broken up, and she was the one carrying a torch for our relationship!! Yes, she was a big part of my life while he was, but when you let go of the relationship I think it's healthier to allow the person their space.

To me that means exclusive access to their friends and family, no muddying the water. I have always maintained the same policy with exes friends too, even though they've been my friends too (to a lesser extent) and absolutely lovely people.

Obviously all of us are different and there are no wrong answers - but I would ask yourself how you would feel if your ma was sending presents to her? I wouldn't refuse the presents, but I might try talking to them about it if you ever get the chance.

SarahMc

I think you were absolutely right to accept the presents in good grace. Have them on your Xmas card list for next year (no pressies though).

I still give and receive cards from a couple of X's parents.

pow wow

Maybe they're hoping you'll get back together?

I don't think its weird the first Xmas after you broke up.

Davstrom

They were hoping we would get back together. But I think they've accepted it's over, they have addopted the whole if it's meant to be we'll get back together though.

I'm still torn on whether to cut my ties. I don't think any future girlfriend would appreciate it.

otwb

Broke up in July after 9 years...he bought presents for my family & I sent one to his parents (via the ex though, not directly). You were with eachother a long time. Don't think that its wierd, just a nice thing to do for people that you respect.

Re-read your post - the difference here is that myself & my ex are still in touch. You obviously aren't....might be a tad strange in that case.