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advice with ex, thank you!!

  • 29-12-2007 2:05am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I was with my ex for 10 months in a long distance relationship. We'd both been in semi-serious relationships before but this was the first time either of us had said 'i love you' to anyone. really felt like twas the real deal and would last forever.

    We broke up because of the ridiculousness of it all. Not seeing eachother for weeks on end was very hard. having to talk on skype every night, going crazy about unanswered texts, cost of constant flights, absolute torture of saying goodbye at the airport, worrying about where we were going in the future and lack of certainty, stability in the relationship all factors in the break up. altho we both loved eachother very much and it was unbelievably hard to do, the break up was mutual as the relationship was putting a serious strain on both our lives and the lives of our friends and families, as we were acting quite irrationally.

    that was 6 months ago and since then i have been quite depressed. i've been broken up with before and i know time heals broken hearts but this is different. i'm a very confident person who attracts a lot of girls but i really have no interest. i have kissed one person but slept with nobody. i have no interest in pursuing any new relationships as i might leave the country soon, or kissing/sleeping people on one night stands. before when i broke up with girlfriends, the way (and very effective in the past i have to admit) was go out, get pissed, and get with a girl and maybe start a casual relationship. but seeing as though my work contract expires in 2 months, and i am sick of Ireland, i have complete freedom to go wherever i want...i had always imagined travelling around the world, but since yer wan, i can't stop thinking about what could've been...

    my problem is, do i continue with my life without her and just see will time help my forget and move on, or visit her to see what happens. if i visit and she turns me away (she has said she will not have any romantic advances and any visit would be purely friendly, but i suspect i could talk her round!!) i don't think i could handle just being mates with her and seeing her talk to and flirt with other guys and if i was rejected it would be heart-breaking...or, if it works out, happy days and i can move over to denmark in a few months to see if it works (i wouldn't be going over purely for her, i have many friends and family there...my familiy's a irish-danish mess!) so if it didn't work out, it would not have been in vain.

    at the moment, all i think of is her, i can't bear to think of her being with other guys and i feel if i leave it and try and forget about her, i will never be able to shake away the feelings i had and always have. thanks for your attentions!!


Comments

  • #2
    MIN2511
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,398 ✭✭✭MIN2511


    You are still smitten, they say absence makes the heart grown fonder... Since your contract is nearly over here i suggest you go over, try and get a job there and see what happens next with her.
    Keep us posted!


  • #3
    CoffeeAndTV
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15 ✭CoffeeAndTV


    OP,

    I'd be careful. If she's moved on and you haven't then you're in for a world of heart ache. I think you need to talk to her before you go over to see if she has any feelings. Couples can get back together if all of the issues in the relationship are resolved. 6 months is a long time though, so expect that she has got with someone else.


  • #4
    AARRRGH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    Did she break up with you?

    Does she want to be with you?

    You were only together for 10 months, it was a long distance relationship, and you've been broken up for 6 months. The feelings you have now are very intense because you're obsessing over something you can't have. I don't think they are a sign of your love for her or are particularly healthy.


  • #5
    BeardyGit
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,946 ✭✭✭BeardyGit


    I'd say get on with it, see out your contract, then move to Denmark for a bit. If there's nothing stopping you, and it's what you want to do, start making the arrangements to go.

    I was in an LDR from Dublin to Finland for 18 months or so. I know logistically and financially it's a hugely demanding thing to do. But she moved here and we're getting married next summer..... Dreams come true as they say, mate.

    The only gotcha is if she's moved on from you in the intervening months - And you should really find this one out from her before you move from your family and friends here, just in case. Discuss your willingness/desire to move there, stress that it's not just for her and that you want a better quality of life etc, but make sure she knows you want to try to rebuild that searing relationship you had for those 10 months should you move there. Sound out whether or not she'd be willing to really work with you if you're local.

    It could be a few tough and heart-breaking months, or it could be the rest of your life you're talking about, so take heart in these words of encouragement and do it if you think it's right for you.

    Best wishes,

    Gil


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