He loves me as a friend?

RubyXI

Ok guys n girls, here's the situation. I asked my bf if he loves me. He said he does but sometimes he loves me as a friend. He said that he loves me and cares about me and worries about me n never wants to loose contact with me if we did break up. But he keeps bringing up the fact that sometimes he sees me just as a best friend. I dont know what to do because i suppose all thats important is that he loves me but i suppose i want to be more than that in a way. I'm not sure what to do about it.

spinandscribble

tbh it sounds like he isnt sure if you're a long term thing. like he's not always sure if he loves you enough. is he a worrier in general? it could be that

Miss Fluff

How long have you been going out? What age are both of you? How is your sex life? Why isn't it a straightforward "I love you"? When, how, under what circumstances has he told you he loves you but as a "best friend". Need more details tbh..Has he ever actually volunteered it or are you asking him if he loves you???????

spinandscribble

yeah more answers needed tbh.

DawnMc

He wants to be just friends but doesn't know how to break up with you by the sounds of it. Maybe he's afraid you'll cut contact if he does.

the_syco

Do you want to be a f**k buddy, or someone that he can enjoy life with? Many long lasting relationships last as they're "best friends"...

spinandscribble

theres nothing wrong with your SO being your best friend but if you're more a best friend as opposed to a lover thats where the problems are.

RubyXI

yes he is a worrier, totally. We've been 2gether nearly 2 years. im 23 n hes 24. sex life isnt bad most of the time. i asked him if he loves me cos im never sure. he never says it really but hes not the kinda person that says stuff like that anyway. i am a bit worried that he wont end it cos he knows he'd hurt me

Bottle_of_Smoke

phi3 wrote: »

yes he is a worrier, totally. We've been 2gether nearly 2 years. im 23 n hes 24. sex life isnt bad most of the time. i asked him if he loves me cos im never sure. he never says it really but hes not the kinda person that says stuff like that anyway. i am a bit worried that he wont end it cos he knows he'd hurt me

I think you're right to be worried.

"He said he does but sometimes he loves me as a friend. He said that he loves me and cares about me and worries about me n never wants to loose contact with me if we did break up."

^
Sounds really like he's got the guilts but is trying to get you used to the idea of just being a friend. Though I'd say he's worried he'll regret breaking up with you too.

Decide what you think & make a decision, the problem here is that he might keep you around through indecisiveness until he meets someone he really loves.

Caryatnid

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

I think you're right to be worried.

"He said he does but sometimes he loves me as a friend. He said that he loves me and cares about me and worries about me n never wants to loose contact with me if we did break up."

^
Sounds really like he's got the guilts but is trying to get you used to the idea of just being a friend. Though I'd say he's worried he'll regret breaking up with you too.

Decide what you think & make a decision, the problem here is that he might keep you around through indecisiveness until he meets someone he really loves.

Would go with that opinion, OP.

spinandscribble

is it just a recent thing and is there any chance he's depressed?

RubyXI

ya he is depressed. we both are. that could be part of the problem

spinandscribble

when you're depressed (im guessing he's been seen by a gp and its clinical depression as opposed to "feeling down") the abilty to understand your emotions and love are shaken. its one of the symptoms. i know this from experience.

ellenmelon

spinandscribble wrote: »

when you're depressed (im guessing he's been seen by a gp and its clinical depression as opposed to "feeling down") the abilty to understand your emotions and love are shaken. its one of the symptoms. i know this from experience.

very true. unfortunately, i also know this from experience..but its better now

Miss Fluff

Why don't you agree not to see each other for a week or two and then see how you both feel?

RubyXI

we already took a break for about 6 weeks during the summer. But we got back together again. things were good afterwards but the last week or two things werent so good. i thought twas just coz we were both stressed out about some stuff but if its quiet for even a day he starts to worry somethings wrong n stuff

spinandscribble

the most important thing is getting help for depression. trust me you wont be able to solve this until then.

Overheal

Yeah as a frequent sufferer of depression let me just say that it can throw a wrench into your entire life until you go find out whats causing it and do something about it. The longer you ignore it the more damage its going to.

I recommend getting some paper or opening up a new text document or something, and just put down everything thats on your mind. Start with one line statements, double spacing. by the end of the first page you will likely end up finding yourself writing in volumes.

Start with eg.

"I'm upset"

"I'm upset because... " (the dog ate my homework)

"And that makes me feel... " (angry too, because I worked 6 hours on that paper and I hated the ****ing dog anyway)

And it often helps, if when you are writing this that you have someone in mind that you are adressing. For example, your boyfriend.

RubyXI

ya thats nota bad idea, i did something a bit like that before. it does help a bit to write things down. but only in the short term really. I just keep hoping the depression will go away but its been about 10 years so it looks like its here to stay.