Why?

LegacyUser

Have been chatting with this guy for a few months now but never met him, until recently. I'm 17, he's 21. We were both out one nite, texting each other and just happened to be round the corner from each other so we said feck it, let's meet. So, it was pretty akward, like never meeting each other in the flesh but we had a lot in common and seemed to be getting on great. So, when we met he smiled and there was a bit of chit chat, anyways he then asked if I wanted to go for a pint so we did. A lot of smiling, bitta banter. That was it. Both went home, no hug or anything goodbye but a big smile. I then sent him a msg saying it was great meeting you and all this and he replied with the same thing pretty much and said something about there been a "next time". So, I was happy and thought great it went well.

But the following day, no text, nothing which was reeeealy unusual as we normally text every day. He then sent me one saying the age gap was a problem for him so nothing was going to happen. Now i'm so confused and real pissed off really! Why did he ask me to go for a drink with him and to meet him if he had a problem with the age!? It's a complete contradiction! What do I do now? Is he just playing hard to get or is he really not interested? Since then, theres been times where he'd be flirting BIG TIME by text but then suddenly he'll become distant again and wouldn't talk for days!! WTF?

daiixi

He's not interested. He's told you straight up that nothing is going to happen. Move on.

The Hacker

Sorry for being harsh but I just don't think he is interested in you.

jam_mac_jam

maybe he just didnt fancy you and was trying to be nice, you can have a lot in common and it just doesnt click. At least he was relatively nice about it.

6th

Ok so he knew your age, but there are mature 17 year olds and not so mature ones. Maybe he just felt the age gap was more than just the 4 years?

LegacyUser

But he saw pictures of me beforehand and thought i was really good looking, and tbh I don't want to glote here but I'm not bad looking. I'm also very mature and he told me I looked way older anyways. I'm really hurt by it as I really really fell for him. If he didnt like what he saw on first impression he wouldnt have asked me for a drink surely? Plus why does he innitiate texts then?

Zillah

Maybe you look 15.

Talliesin

sooo_confused wrote: »

It's a complete contradiction!

Are you really surprised that a human being is exhibiting contradictory feelings?

Have you really only ever experienced people as 100% clear in their own minds about everything, having no confusion about anything, and never having any doubts or uncertainty?

Is it really impossible to imagine that he fancies you a bit, but on balance doesn't think it's something that would work?

If so, you aren't a particularly mature 17 year old, and the age difference is probably too large.

King John V

From what you've described it could be a case of infatuation on both sides but nothing more. He may not want to invest emotionally in a relationship so it's probably best left alone. If you do start a relationship with this person what type of foundation would that be? This on-off display of emotions wont change even if he's tied to a relationship so it could be more heartbreak down the line. It's probably a cliche but you're still young and will meet someone better suited to you down the line.

Cathmandooo

People can be very different in person than by text. He probably really liked you by text and with drink on him he was well able for a good natter in the pub when you met up. But then he probably woke up the next day thinking you're a bit younger than he expected (even though he knew your age).

He initiates texts because he likes to chat and flirt with you. He stops talking for a few days because he hits himself on his head and reminds himself that you're too young for him. It doesnt mean there's anything wrong with you.

For your own sanity just stop talking to him. He has a problem with the age gap, there's nothing you can do. Rather than wasting time chatting and flirting with it going nowhere I'd cut your losses and forget him. Keep your chin up and think of all the lovely guys you'll meet in '08 and New years is a great time to meet someone new, best of luck

LegacyUser

Cathooo wrote: »

People can be very different in person than by text. He probably really liked you by text and with drink on him he was well able for a good natter in the pub when you met up. But then he probably woke up the next day thinking you're a bit younger than he expected (even though he knew your age).

He initiates texts because he likes to chat and flirt with you. He stops talking for a few days because he hits himself on his head and reminds himself that you're too young for him. It doesnt mean there's anything wrong with you.

For your own sanity just stop talking to him. He has a problem with the age gap, there's nothing you can do. Rather than wasting time chatting and flirting with it going nowhere I'd cut your losses and forget him. Keep your chin up and think of all the lovely guys you'll meet in '08 and New years is a great time to meet someone new, best of luck

I'm so incredibly hurt because the whole thing really made me feel as though I was ugly and that there was something wrong with me, ie/ I was a "letdown" and been 17 I'm probably a lot more sensitive than he would be but that comment there Cathooo really has shed some light for me, it really cheered me up so thanks.

the_syco

OP; check this thread out http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055204420

It's basically the roles reversed. It'll give you a chance to see what might have gone through his head.

Ellsbells

Ah dont let him get to you. You have your life (and plenty of men ) ahead of you. Think of it as a (horrible) learning experience and move on...

spinandscribble

you might have been quieter then he expected. he might just be one of those ppl who dont know their own mind. he might have only ever viewed you as a flirty mate. you've photos mightn't have been a accurate representation of you. you might have the wrong shoes on.
who knows? tbh i'd just take his word for it and be thankfully he didnt turn out to be a creep.

LegacyUser

ok, well I've just discovered some new info on him. I typed his name into google, (the name which he used on the site I met him on) and what came up was pretty shocking. He's a member of some pretty hardcore dating sites lines like "i'm young hot and horny", stuff like that. I really didn't get that impression off him. When we met he seemed so sweet and all. Whats wrong with me though cuz I still cant get him out of my mind no matter how hard I try!! He's just incredibly good looking, great personality etc. I don't know if its just my age that has me thinking like this but I'm really craving some physical attention if you get me! To be blunt i'm incredibly horny!! aaaah I cant believe this! I cant believe I even met up with someone I knew met before...sounds incredibly dumb but I did spend MONTHS getting to know him first and he was able to access my bebo and likewise so I knew he was genuine. I'm so confused!

Laslo

You hardly know him and he says he doesn't want a relationship with you. Now you're stalking him on-line! Get over it please.

biko

sooo_confused wrote: »

I typed his name into google, (the name which he used on the site I met him on) and what came up was pretty shocking. He's a member of some pretty hardcore dating sites lines like "i'm young hot and horny", stuff like that.

Are you sure it's actually him on those sites? A username like Johnnyboy85 (or similar) can be quite common. Ask him.
He has said that he's not interested any more, tell him to make his mind up and stop contacting you if he is really that sure. Some guys needs a boot up the arse sometimes to make us make our minds up.

Laslo

biko wrote: »

Are you sure it's actually him on those sites? A username like Johnnyboy85 (or similar) can be quite common. Ask him.

Ask him if he's a member of an adult dating site? Are you completely mad? He'll write you off there and then for being an on-line stalker and probably tell all his mates that you're a potential bunny boiler.

I know you're only 17 and I can understand that but when you say stuff like...

He's just incredibly good looking, great personality etc. I don't know if its just my age that has me thinking like this but I'm really craving some physical attention if you get me! To be blunt i'm incredibly horny!! aaaah I cant believe this!

...it just makes me think that you're a bit immature and need to get your emotions together. Do you have any emotional feelings for this guy? Do you know him long enough to reconcile the emotions being this strong? Or, as you say, do you just think he's really nice and cute and you're all hot and horny because you haven't learned to control your hormones yet?

As I said, I know you're only 17. We've all been there. I just think you need a bit of perspective. And here's a tip that I didn't learn until I was about 7 or so years older than you - if you text someone a few times and they don't text you back then they're not interested. Move on!

Bottle_of_Smoke

Perhaps he was toying with the idea but when he met you it brought home how much the age gap was.

He was probably looking around, trying to work out how it looked, how it would look to friends. I've been in the situation before & have turned down girls I fancied & liked due to the gap.

I wouldn't necessarily give up, when are you 18? I'm 22 & I'd hate the thoughts of introducing a 17 year old to my family but if she was 18 I wouldn't mind at all.

pow wow

I would let it go. Why would you even bother with someone who has made his feelings about you clear? Accept you got caught up in the whirlwind of thinking 'what might have been' and that it just didn't work out.

I know it's hard to get back to him not being a part of your every day life (recently single myself...know how it feels) and you will think about him for a while but at the end of the day he isn't into you, and you deserve someone who is. Leave it alone.

LegacyUser

well first off, I'm not stalking him. And another thing, all of you are saying leave it be, he's made his mind about you clear and all this but how???? He hasn't. He says hello every day on msn, he texts me almost every day etc.

But since finding those profiles of him (I know they are him as he has photos of himself up) I'm not so upset anymore. I've lot a lot of respect for him since so I suppose finding those profiles is what I needed to move on.

pow wow

sooo_confused wrote: »

But the following day, no text, nothing which was reeeealy unusual as we normally text every day. He then sent me one saying the age gap was a problem for him so nothing was going to happen. Now i'm so confused and real pissed off really! Why did he ask me to go for a drink with him and to meet him if he had a problem with the age!? It's a complete contradiction! What do I do now? Is he just playing hard to get or is he really not interested? Since then, theres been times where he'd be flirting BIG TIME by text but then suddenly he'll become distant again and wouldn't talk for days!! WTF?

That's how he made it clear. He still says hello because he wants to stay friends or has nothing better to do. What else do you want from him?!.

LegacyUser

ellscurr wrote: »

That's how he made it clear. He still says hello because he wants to stay friends or has nothing better to do. What else do you want from him?!.

Listen I don't like the way you're making me out to be some sort of stalker or desperate girl who cant take a no here. You don't know me. I'm far from all those things. But I am a very sensitive girl so I suppose all I'm trying to do it figure out a reason why it was all ok then suddenly not ok when according to him the age wasn't that big a deal until he met me. As I said though I'm not too bothered now. So what are you trying to say? Is it just talking he wants now? Never meet up, just chat kinda thing or wait til I'm older? I havent a clue what he wants!!!

spinandscribble

you do know, he told you. it IS possible you seem younger in person. just take his word for it that he just wants to be friends okay?

pow wow

sooo_confused wrote: »

Listen I don't like the way you're making me out to be some sort of stalker or desperate girl who cant take a no here. You don't know me. I'm far from all those things. But I am a very sensitive girl so I suppose all I'm trying to do it figure out a reason why it was all ok then suddenly not ok when according to him the age wasn't that big a deal until he met me. As I said though I'm not too bothered now. So what are you trying to say? Is it just talking he wants now? Never meet up, just chat kinda thing or wait til I'm older? I havent a clue what he wants!!!

Explain to me where I said you were desperate? I'm saying that he has made it clear, which he has, that he only wants to be friends with you. It's tough when you like someone more than they like you, I get that, but if they've made it crystal clear why would you waste your time on them? People do weird stuff all the time, and if you put this much effort into trying to understand why some guy you don't really know gave you mixed signals then I'd hate to see what would happen with a more serious problem.

Life is short, call him an idiot, move on.

ellenmelon

you're lucky he txt you to tell you that he didn't think it would work. it would've been worse had he just blanked you. you say you're not bothered by it? well...just let it go then,'cause you are coming across a tad desperate.you're only 17, you have a lot of time to meet guys.

MagicMarker

sooo_confused wrote: »

Listen I don't like the way you're making me out to be some sort of stalker or desperate girl who cant take a no here. You don't know me. I'm far from all those things. But I am a very sensitive girl so I suppose all I'm trying to do it figure out a reason why it was all ok then suddenly not ok when according to him the age wasn't that big a deal until he met me. As I said though I'm not too bothered now. So what are you trying to say? Is it just talking he wants now? Never meet up, just chat kinda thing or wait til I'm older? I havent a clue what he wants!!!

Listen, people aren't the same on MSN as they are in person. You can have a conversation with a 10 year old on msn ffs!

It sounds like when he actually met you he found that you were too immature for his liking, something which probably wouldn't be picked up on on the interweb. Plus you're not exactly proving your maturity on this thread.

Leave it be! If he texts you then so what? It doesn't mean anything.