Head wreckin............

LegacyUser

Firstly there are people who are going to slate me for what ive done and thats there opinion and there entitled to it, i aint a bad person in the slightest but its impossible for you to know that as ye dont know me.........

anyway the problem is recently i was with someone i shouldnt have, ive been going out with my girlfriend for 4 years and everything was going grea till lately.... we havnt seen much of each other because our jobs are kinda keeping us apart and im lucky to see her one day of the week...this always bothered me but i dismissed it thinking it was a rough patch, i had recently got talking to work colleague and got on great with her, just talking and messing and i guess a harmless bit o flirting which i payed know attention to, i met her out the last nite and we got talking, i was fair drunk but still had me sences, we were walking down the street and for some reason i said i fancied her and she said the same back, she knows im in a relationship and it was kinda one of those awkward silences and then we kissed. we stopped after a few seconds and i said what have i done she felf really guilty also so i said i have to go and that was it....

ive heard nothing from her since but i feel obligated to contact her to apologise. I am in such a state over this and dont know what to do, and whats scaring me the most is that i said id fancied her knowingly... it wasnt the drink talking, am i falling for this girl??? should i tell my girlfriend or not???? or do i say nothing and leave faith play its part???

if anyone has any advice i would greatly appreciate it sorry aswell for the really really really long post

cheers

Alanstrainor

Sreggin wrote: »

Too long, didn't read.

Reported.

Endasaurus

Sreggin wrote: »

Too long, didn't read.

What an unhelpful first post.


OP, I think you're getting all worked up about it but it sounds as if the girl you've been with for four years is the one yer meant to be with, I wouldn't ruin it over some other wan you'd forget about handy enough!! You WERE a fair bit drunk like, its obnly cos you haven't seen the other one in a while but that'll change!!

Marksie

Sreggin: Please read the cahrter as regards off topic unhelpful posting

LegacyUser

Endasaurus wrote: »

What an unhelpful first post.


OP, I think you're getting all worked up about it but it sounds as if the girl you've been with for four years is the one yer meant to be with, I wouldn't ruin it over some other wan you'd forget about handy enough!! You WERE a fair bit drunk like, its obnly cos you haven't seen the other one in a while but that'll change!![/QUOTE

I hope so.......i just hope she doesnt find out it.......id rather here it from me than some random person or friend

Talliesin

southerndandy wrote: »

Firstly there are people who are going to slate me for what ive done and thats there opinion and there entitled to it,

Correct on both counts.

Personally, I don't find what you did to rate particularly high in the ranks of the horrors and dishonours committed by mankind, but I do note the defensiveness with which you pre-empt any condemnation.

You aren't saying "yes, I know, but can we please focus on this particular aspect of what happened" and trying to keep the thread's topic to a particular focus, or otherwise pre-empting such condemnation to a practical end, but rather I feel trying to pre-empt it because you are struggling with such condemnation within yourself.

And you've got particular difficulty with it because you think that:

southerndandy wrote: »

i aint a bad person in the slightest but its impossible for you to know that as ye dont know me.........

Really?, not bad "in the slightest"? That is indeed impossible for me to know, and I would indeed be quite interested in getting to know such a saintly figure who is apparently like Mother Teresa but without accepting stolen money, or like Florence Nightingale but without shagging her aunt.

Alas, I have only ever met people who are at least "bad in the slightest". Now, maybe that experience has made me unfairly biased, but I'm inclined to suspect that you actually aren't perfect, which leads me to question why you suggest otherwise, and whether you really believe it?

southerndandy wrote: »

ive been going out with my girlfriend for 4 years and everything was going grea till lately.... we havnt seen much of each other because our jobs are kinda keeping us apart and im lucky to see her one day of the week...this always bothered me but i dismissed it thinking it was a rough patch,

What do you think now?

Is it really a realistic assessment to say that this is a rough patch? When is the circumstances that keep the two of you so regularly apart going to come to an end and why? If this isn't going to naturally resolve itself (e.g. you know that temporarily tight schedules are going to come to an end after particular projects are wrapped up, rather than just wistful thinking) then is there something you can do to resolve it?

southerndandy wrote: »

for some reason i said i fancied her

Mad shot in the dark here. Maybe you fancy her.

southerndandy wrote: »

ive heard nothing from her since but i feel obligated to contact her to apologise.

She's likely ahead of the game to you. You fancy her, she fancies you, fancying people isn't quite the same as having your life-story written by Shakespeare*, you've a girlfriend, end of story.

southerndandy wrote: »

whats scaring me the most is that i said id fancied her knowingly... it wasnt the drink talking, am i falling for this girl???

So you fancy her. So what?

southerndandy wrote: »

should i tell my girlfriend or not????

Probably not. I'm pretty certain you'll manage to make things sound even worse than they actually are.

southerndandy wrote: »

or do i say nothing and leave faith play its part???

Faith? Or fate?

I assume you mean fate, though the typo could well have been a parapraxis.

Either way, do not necessarily expect the hand of either fate or faith to play any particularly noticeable role, but don't necessarily focus too much on the fact that you kissed someone you fancied and then both realised that you shouldn't and not enough on the problems that you and your partner are having.

Things don't happen simply because they are "meant" to be. People aren't with each other or not simply because they are "meant" to be or not. Things happen because people do things or don't.

Or, if you persist in believing that the Moirae have a particular interest in this matter, remember that they don't like being second-guessed.

In other words, don't let fretting about doing the right thing get in the way of doing the right thing, and in particular don't let the possibility of precipitating a dramatic but short crisis loom larger in your mind than the possibility of relatively boring work to sort things out so that your work schedules no longer impact negatively upon your life with your partner and you can spend more time together.

*Hey, even Shakespeare suggests that, in how much Romeo is whining about how fancying Rosalind.