Different from friends

21stone

hey like the title says im doff from my mates as in , i think theres more to life than drink and thats only time you see them , in the pub

id often ask them do they fancy going shopping , bowling , gym etc and they just laugh like ur a spa

dont get me wrong i like a drink as much as the next person but my life doesnt revolve around the pub , i mean these guys all get dressed up to the nine's and never did i ever see any pick up a women where'as ive no prob meeting a women , there all 25-28 years old and act like dicks in fairness

nothing but 16-17 year old girls hang around them and when im with them im saying to myself " this is pathethic i need some new mates " as i feel like a perv with these young ones around us and id rather people my own age to drink with and , and they never ever chat up women and there not gay , but firstly for me when i go out i go to enjoy myself and 2nd to meet a nice woman etc but these just text you when there going the pub , never see them during the week etc and they think there like 2pac or something all the pimp dancing , boyband fcuking ear rings etc , annoys me

basically i wanna make some new friends who are into doing things during the week and people you can rely on

anybody else in this situation ?????????

im 27 male by the way

LegacyUser

Everyone's different and everyone has different interests. I have mates who have no interest in doing anything but getting bladderd drunk and stumbling home before the pubs close. I have other mates who have no other interests than riding anything they can get their hands on. Then I have mates who hardly drink at all, who's main interests lie in GAA or other sports, aswell as mates that just smoke pot all day!

At the end of the day, no body's perfect, and no body's the same. And you've just got to realise that and love your mates for who they are.

biko

How come you are friends with them if you are so different?
Try doing things on your own, evening class or whatnot, and make new friends that way. Don't expect your old friends to change for you - they'll change when they are good and ready.

Kevster

I went through what you are going through a few years ago and, in 2007, I only stepped inside one pub and drank just one pint. I no lnger hang around with the friends I had. I rejected them whenever they asked me places because I just did not have the same interests.

Focus on what you really want to do yourself and don't 'go along with the pack'. Be independent and explore things. Life going to the pub every Friday & Saturday night might suit some people but, for others like you and I, we want more from life.

Kevin.

Talliesin

Live deliberately.

That is all.

Firetrap

What I've learned as I've grown up is that you can't assume that the friends you had as a teenager are going to be your friends as an adult. I've moved away from home and have lost touch with some of my closer friends from school. I never fell out with them but we all just changed as we turned into adults and didn't have so much in common anymore. It happens.

Now that you've idenfied the problem - that you've nothing in common with your friends - you can move forward and do something about it yourself. Do you work in a place where you can socialise with some of your workmates? How about joining a club of some sort or get involved in charity or voluntary work? Personally, I find night-classes hit and miss when it comes to meeting new people but they're worth a try. Besides, you might learn a new skill and that's never a waste of time. You're never too old to make new friends - good luck!

For what it's worth, I've a friend who's in her late thirties who's always involved in some club or other and she's made loads of friends through that.

King of Kings

Talliesin wrote: »

Live deliberately.

That is all.

I must be ill agreeing with Talliesin - but that my motto.

you must make your own choices and live they way you want.
be prepared to do things on your own and don't follow the herd - just because.

21stone

dont get me wrong i like the drink to but they seem to just want drink and be like kids , i mean at 27 ur at a stage where most people have gf's or bf's and kids maybe or looking to settle down , well thats my idea , im just sick of the pub every week and these young ones hanging around , its a bit sad

Goat Mouth

I know exactly what you mean! granted I'm a slightly younger than you, so going to the pub and acting like an eejit is more commonplace at my age group, however it just doesnt cut it for me. With my "friends" going out with them becomes too repetitive too fast! And the're not even open to suggestion of a venturing to a new pub, no, it's always the same Pub, same crowd, same ****e music every week. Whenever I want to do something during the week with people I'm cntinuously met with the line "if we're not going to a pub, count me out."

Then one day I kicked myself in the arse and said "DO WHAT I WANT TO DO!" So I did! and I have to tell you it's great. Im not bound up by repression. I started taking chances on other people, said yes to every offer I recieved. Talked to others I may have slightly been neglecting, got a tattoo, complete frsh start (And hey I even got a love life out of it, granted we're seperated now, but damn it was great while it lasted! And we're still great friends.)

And you know what? It doesnt even have to be a new group out friends. If if you had just one person to confied in and just just hang around with, i guarantee you'll be feeling somewhat elated!

af_thefragile

Hey,
I know where you're coming from. I'm not into the whole going to pubs and clubs and getting hammered thing. But then a lot of my friends are of that kind. I always used to feel left out when they'ld all go to pubs/clubs n get drunk when i'ld decide to stay out of it all.

Then like the guy above me, one day even i decide to say "**** it" to everything around and move on to pursue the lifestyle that I wanna live in.
I stopped hanging around much with the people i used to. I started hanging around more with the few close friends i have. I got into many other activities i like. Started spending more time on the basketball court than in the lounge just chatting away with the people.
I just started doings things I like and finding other alternatives to having fun than going out. I got into mountain biking and stuff. Just living a different kind of lifestyle from all the other people around goin to pubs/clubs.

And just like the guy above me said, it really doesn't matter if you don't have a big group of friends. All you need are a few good friends that you can confine, trust and hang around with. Life's gonna get a lot more fun!
Just one person is enough too. I've got this one close friend who's quite like me, he's into biking and stuff too, we share a lot of common interests, we do loads of cool things together. You don't need to be out in the middle of a club with like 20 people around you most of which you can't even trust and call friends just for the sake of it!

21stone

cheers men

u see when i ask them what they doing they always say doesnt matter your not gonna go etc and when i say im heading out with my lodger ( im the landlord) but he's a sound guy into playing the guitar like me etc they say ur gay

know im the most hetrosexual person ud meet , excuse the language folks but alway looking for muff , ideally something serious but when ur around 8 guys who have 16 year old girls around them its pretty hard to meet new women

these other blokes dont even look for women

1 of them to give u an example ok was 28 recently and has had sex once in 10 years now thats pretty sad , and when i confront him he says he has no confidence etc but it will always be hard unless he tries , he said he's quite happy pleasing himself etc whicj i have o laugh at

28 and no gf all through out his 20s and no sex is pretty pathethic whatever way u look at it

see what im up against and there all pretty similar

awesom-o

21stone wrote: »

1 of them to give u an example ok was 28 recently and has had sex once in 10 years now thats pretty sad , and when i confront him he says he has no confidence etc but it will always be hard unless he tries , he said he's quite happy pleasing himself etc whicj i have o laugh at

28 and no gf all through out his 20s and no sex is pretty pathethic whatever way u look at it

see what im up against and there all pretty similar

What gives you the right to tell your "mates" how to be behave and live their lives? I'm sure these guys don't force you to hang around with them. If you don't like them - stop. B1tching about them on an internet forum achieves nothing.

radioactiveman

If they say you're 'gay' for heading out with your lodger, it might be time to find other friends. That's pretty sad at 27/28, most people are past that at that stage. Try taking up a sport or class where there will be your type of people - not easy but worth it if you meet the right crowd.

passive

1 of them to give u an example ok was 28 recently and has had sex once in 10 years now thats pretty sad , and when i confront him he says he has no confidence etc but it will always be hard unless he tries , he said he's quite happy pleasing himself etc whicj i have o laugh at

28 and no gf all through out his 20s and no sex is pretty pathethic whatever way u look at it

You actually sound like a dickhead tbh...

u see when i ask them what they doing they always say doesnt matter your not gonna go etc

What's your dilemma again? You're not sure whether to ditch the mates who don't want you around anyway? Whether or not they're sad or wasters, seems like they're happily being so without you... so yeah, go do other stuff.

Malice

21stone wrote: »

at 27 ur at a stage where most people have gf's or bf's and kids maybe or looking to settle down , well thats my idea

This bit just jumped out at me so apologies if I'm taking things out of context or reading too much into it. Everyone's different. If you think that people should be settling down and having children at 27 then fair enough. Personally I don't and presumably your friends don't and that could be why you're feeling different from them.

21stone

so passive

a 28 year old man whos had sex once in 10 years is healthy yeah ???

he's my cousin , he's broke down many a time over it , saying lack of confidence etc and when i tried to help him he throws it in my face , but thats ok its his choice to make

i suffer with anxiety and find it diff going places but i still have to work through it and not let it beat me

its just very hard to meet any women while around them thats all im saying , old mates from years ago all do drugs and i stay away from them and he's my cousin and best mate and was never like this

Goat Mouth

21stone wrote: »

its just very hard to meet any women

Sounds to me that you're looking in the wrong places!
Dont worry im still sympathising with you The thing is you're worried about finding the "NEW" woman, so was I at one stage. What i didnt realise i was beating myself sensless trying to a fresh woman! (I mean that in the grammatical sense, no inuendo there!)
Then when it turned out it was looking in the wrong places because my girlfriend was someone who i already know for a good couple of years. we were friends, distant but friends. then we opened up to eachother and may arrangements to hangout alot more and then it happened!
seriously open up to you feel you have the slightest bit of trust for!
And as my Gf told me, BE CONFIDENT woman can smell fear miles away and its a turn off!

vorbis

don't worry about people giving out to you 21stone. Having had sex once by the age of 28 is pretty unusual (unless he's religious). The sad thing is that people have to want to change. My brother is in a similar situation whereby he and a group of friends go to the same bars each weekend and never approach women.

Unsurprisingly, none of them ever seem to score. I view it as a co-dependence thing. None of them really want to change their situation so they gravitate towards each other as none of them would ever challenge each other over not scoring / having a gf. You could be better off try to form a new social circle while still keeping contact with old friends.