Need new circle of friends?

hgdhgfhgfhgf

Known a couple of people my whole life and I’ve realised that now we don’t to seem to have a whole lot in common with one another, or rather me with a few friends who I would have been great mates with in my early twenties
With two of the three it seemed like I was the one making arrangements for nights out etc..so I left things be, and to be honest theres hardly been any contact from them.
Sound lads and all that, but I’m the one of the three not in a long term relationship and it seems like they ain’t too interested in going out for drinks, hitting the town etc anymore.
On top of that I found out that there’s been a few get togethers lately involving couples, as in two or three of them and their respective girlfriends heading for meals etc..
I’ve also been told by one of them that his girlfriend ain’t too enthusiastic about me, as I’m supposedly a bad influence..the cheek..:D
In the past the four of us (lads) would have hit the town, but now it seems I’m a little surplus to requirements, maybe I’m wrong but I’m convinced its something to do with the fact that I’m the single one?!
Interested to get other peoples opinions on this one, only thought this sort of thing happened with women in their mid thirties…

Requiem4adream

Other than getting yourself a bird and joining them (other than a turkey!), i suppose it would make sense to find a different outlet/group of friends. I wouldnt do it with the intention of replacing existing friends but rather as another option.

Trouble is, it's not that easy to make new networks of friends mid-to-late 20s - like you said most people of that age group are settling down into relationships/careers etc. It's easy to meet people and make friends, but if you're talking of a whole new core group of good friends to go out with every week, that's not easy to come by.

davyjose

Yup, well it's not nice to be considered a "bad influence", but dude, you gotta look at this. How many of your Dad's mates are single? The whole single thing dies out in the late 20's. And yeah, I got stuck there for a while and lost out, so I know what you mean.
But if your the single, loveable party animal, you gotta ask what's in it for you too!
Now I'm not saying you just pick up a chick and settle down, just like that. But you have to realise the direction your mates are going in. And is it natural to be left behind. Trust me, they'll always be your mates, but you have to realise that the old days are .... well, the old days.

hgdhgfhgfhgf

Points taken, none of my dad friends are single they all ‘settled down’ at the same time, how coincidental!
Meh, maybe I should get myself a girlfriend..but I haven’t met too many I really like lately…Or else I should just head off travelling on my own..bet I’d meet some beauties!
Ah perspective

MagicMarker

Fúck settling down... Travelling's the way to go.

Just because you're at that age, doesn't mean you have to follow the trend. If you're not ready to commit to anyone, then don't. Do what makes you happy.

MIN2511

Sorry bout your situation, you might not be bad influence per say its more because you are single. Most couples like to hang out with other couples e.t.c.. it's all bs, dont go looking for a girl in a hurry.
I am single now and i noticed that most of my friends are in relationships:mad: when i was in a relationship they were single!

starn

Requiem4adream wrote: »

Trouble is, it's not that easy to make new networks of friends mid-to-late 20s - like you said most people of that age group are settling down into relationships/careers etc. It's easy to meet people and make friends, but if you're talking of a whole new core group of good friends to go out with every week, that's not easy to come by.

I disagree. Bout 18 months ago I had a hearth attack. Im 25, I spent some time in hospital and was very suprised in who didnt come and see me. The leeches had no problem drinking and partying on me. But just moved on to someone else when it mattered. I'VE since integrated my self into a ehole new group of real friends.
If your "mates" are messing you about ditch em.

faceman

Requiem4adream wrote: »

Trouble is, it's not that easy to make new networks of friends mid-to-late 20s - like you said most people of that age group are settling down into relationships/careers etc. It's easy to meet people and make friends, but if you're talking of a whole new core group of good friends to go out with every week, that's not easy to come by.

Completely disagree.

OP, your scenario is very common and happens to many people. As much as you probably dont want to hear it, the chances are at this stage, your mates will/have ditched you for their other halves. BUt dont take offence.

I know its a bit of a cliche on this forum, but there are social group, dating sites, social forums you can join nowadays unlikes years ago when the social scene in ireland was pubs.

SIgn up to one of those socialite sites except Bebo (Cos its crap). Are you sporty? Do you have any hobbies where there are groups who meet? Does your company have a social club?

Some of the dating websites also cater for punters who just wish to make friends too. YOu'll find there are quite alot of people like you on there.

Either way best of luck. It wont be easy. You'll may find the more and more find unfortunately that your mates are becoming more and more a negative influence on your well being in the time to come.

dr_manhattan

I have to disagree with those who say it's to do with age and settling down. Plenty of couples remain good mates with single mates... in fact, imho it's a really ****ty and compartmentalised thing to do, to try and keep "going out mates" who'll get you laid and then "staying in mates" for when you've gotten laid and hitched... which is, in a long-term basis, what married/divorced/married again couples tend to do.

It's to do with insecurity imho, on the part of couples who only want to hang out with other couples, because that keeps everything simple for them: they can compare achievements, priorities and ambition on a like-for-like basis, and they never have to worry about anything unusual or unexpected happenning.

And the worst is that often at the heart of it are narried types who act like an ass when out socialising and then bitch about the immaturity of it all when pillowtalking with dick or jane... "so immature"...

First the friends get dropped until it's all couples, then the opinions are collectivised and made into a charter ('we, the undersigned, feel that...'), and within a week it's down to meetings at the golf club, and "what are you driving the days?" - i shudder to think that in 15 years my generation will all be running keyswapping parties out of the red cow car park but, you know, if the key fits ;-)

I understand *why* people do this, yet I also understand that lots of people do not behave this way, so I don't see why it's an excuse that "lots of people who are in monogamous couples like to hang with other monogamous couples" - same with singles, but we don't "ditch" couples or tell them to get on our level...

Socially vetting your friends is just a poor excuse for a boring way to live your life -- and a very suffocating one too in later life. The last generation of regretful suburban divorcees come from trying to do exactly this: become half of a successful couple and stop dealing with anything that doesn't buy houses, make babies, or come from a supermarket.

Personally, as a single male, I get to hang with the best of couples and the best of single people, and I think that selecting your friends to fit either is just the ultimate act of controlling vanity: but what the ****. Couples feel entitled to divide the world up...

Plenty of couples have 'ditched' me in my time (not before they depend on me for help through the initial arguments, mind - only when they're "settled", ahem) - or worse, constantly set me up with their screaming lunatic mates - who cares? Should I be insulted that they think so little of me? perhaps, who cares.

When I say "their loss" i'm not talking about me, cos I'm not such a loss ;-) - I'm talking about the loss of folding up and mothballing half your life cos you think it's "age appropriate", and the later difficulties and loneliness suffered by divorcees because they have to learn to become single again.

And when I say "it pisses me off" I mean the fact that us singletons are generally thought of as a daft, self serving and ultimately vain and childish lot, who will inevitably "grow up":

When in fact it's the couples who go around making all the housing lunacy, the unhappy kids, the social imbalances, the 2 car pollution, and the general sprawling, suburban horror of it all, and then usually try to run off with their au pair to boot...

It is my considered opinion that everything that repels settled couples from the single life is deep seated insecurity -- and vise versa, naturally, but as i say we don't tell married couples to "grow up" or "face facts", we just don't do what they do.

So I'd say screw your mates, basically, and find others. Don't wait for their partners to become overly hostile to you as they blame every alcohol and sex related misdeed on you, lol: get mates who don't need you to be at a certain point in your life....

rant over ;-)

dr_manhattan

oh and PS:

"Trouble is, it's not that easy to make new networks of friends mid-to-late 20s"

Can anyone recall a time in their lives when it was easy to make real friendships? Like it was ever easy?

Matter of fact, when was the last time you did something as horrendously socially difficult as your first day of school? Ever had something completely occupy your life like that in the past 10 years?

come on, it all gets easier.

Requiem4adream

faceman wrote: »

Completely disagree.

I know its a bit of a cliche on this forum, but there are social group, dating sites, social forums you can join nowadays unlikes years ago when the social scene in ireland was pubs.

SIgn up to one of those socialite sites except Bebo (Cos its crap). Are you sporty? Do you have any hobbies where there are groups who meet? Does your company have a social club?

Some of the dating websites also cater for punters who just wish to make friends too. YOu'll find there are quite alot of people like you on there.

LOL - i said meeting a core group of close friends to go out with every week isnt easy, you said "completely disagree" then suggest dating sites and myspace :eek::eek: LMAO. You couldnt get more impersonal that that.

Look, meeting new people and forming new friendships is REALLY easy. That's not the difficulty. OP is looking for a new set of lads to go out on the piss with every week etc, you're not gonna find it easy to gain a whole new set of close friends in your late-20s. It's doable but it's not easy. Really close friendships take years to form and are usually formed by that age.

Petey2006

starn wrote: »

I disagree. Bout 18 months ago I had a hearth attack. Im 25, I spent some time in hospital and was very suprised in who didnt come and see me. The leeches had no problem drinking and partying on me. But just moved on to someone else when it mattered. I'VE since integrated my self into a ehole new group of real friends.
If your "mates" are messing you about ditch em.

Agreed. I hung out with a group of guys until last October when one of them kicked the crap outta me in New York just because I asked him to keep it down as I was trying to sleep before getting the plane home the next day. That was the straw that broke the camel's back, so I ditched the group after they showed they didn't care that it happened. I've met other people since and get on with them very well. They're all couples, as it happens, but I still meet up with single mates on a regular basis and hang out with them. And I'm 26.

the_syco

Petey2006 wrote: »

when one of them kicked the crap outta me in New York just because I asked him to keep it down as I was trying to sleep before getting the plane home the next day

[SIZE=-1]Old Klingon proverb "[/SIZE][SIZE=-1]Revenge is a dish best served cold"...

=-=

Me, one "couple" just got married, another couple (couple = being together for 2+ years) are still just a couple, one of my other mate is going out with someone, and I is alone. Meh All the lads are still mates.

=-=

OP: Usually the women want more "time alone" with the lads, and you'll see less of them. The lads can't admit it to your face, as it'd make them whipped pussies, so they just don't talk to ye.

=-=

starn: was in hostipal for 2 months when I was younger. Those who didn't even send a f**king get well card, a few years down the road, I have no contact with whats-so-ever.
[/SIZE]

dr_manhattan

"starn: was in hostipal for 2 months when I was younger. Those who didn't even send a f**king get well card, a few years down the road, I have no contact with whats-so-ever."

agreed: spells in hospital are like friend filters...

faceman

Requiem4adream wrote: »

Other than getting yourself a bird and joining them (other than a turkey!), i suppose it would make sense to find a different outlet/group of friends. I wouldnt do it with the intention of replacing existing friends but rather as another option.

Trouble is, it's not that easy to make new networks of friends mid-to-late 20s - like you said most people of that age group are settling down into relationships/careers etc. It's easy to meet people and make friends, but if you're talking of a whole new core group of good friends to go out with every week, that's not easy to come by.

Requiem4adream wrote: »

LOL - i said meeting a core group of close friends to go out with every week isnt easy, you said "completely disagree" then suggest dating sites and myspace :eek::eek: LMAO. You couldnt get more impersonal that that.

Look, meeting new people and forming new friendships is REALLY easy. That's not the difficulty. OP is looking for a new set of lads to go out on the piss with every week etc, you're not gonna find it easy to gain a whole new set of close friends in your late-20s. It's doable but it's not easy. Really close friendships take years to form and are usually formed by that age.

walshy1

chin up. friends come in and out of your life all the time. the important thing is;don;t assume it reflects on you. men are useless at sending cards anyway and hate visiting hospitals (speaking for myself).

they'd rather buy you a pint when you get out.

Requiem4adream

faceman wrote: »

Making a friend - someone to talk to the odd time on msn, meet up with once in a blue moon etc = easy.

Making best-friends - people you go out with on the rip every week, go to the cinema, call to their house often, confide in etc = not easy.

Most people form sets of close friends in school, university and work. It's much harder to achieve this aim in your late-20s from scratch.

Nevyn

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