when guys can't get it up

twentypockets

okay, i'm new to this whole discussion board thing, but i need help.

on occasions that i've been with a man and he couldn't get it up, i get extremely embarassed and i always think that it's me. my friends say that he should be the one who's embarassed, but i can't help but feel like it's my fault. is this normal to feel this way? and is it often the girl's fault?

there have been three instances this has happened to me, and i don't do anything super weird (i don't think). i try to write it off as nerves, and i know the guy is probably more embarassed than i am, but i still get pretty embarassed. i'd hope that a guy wouldn't be getting into bed with me if he wasn't somewhat attracted to me. and two of the guys this happened with i was actually pretty close to.

thoughts?

feylya

Have the guys been drunk when they've been with you? Sounds like brewer's droop to me.

twentypockets

only one of them, and it was my best friend. and i don't think he was that drunk, he had had a few

lenovoguy

Well, you should stop trying to figure out who's "at fault" for one thing. It's embarassing, neither of you want it to happen but hey it just does. If the guy is nervous or has had bad sexual experiences in the past that certainly doesn't help matters. There is a complex biochemical process that causes it to happen ,usually caused by the weight of expectation on the guy's mind. It is EXTREMELY common, despite what anybody may say so maybe just talk to him beforehand or try and figure out if there is something that makes him uncomfortable :-)

Rock Climber

1.Enjoy each other regardless of things not going the way you both want them.
To be honest,your man friend could turn out to be an absolute stallion if you give him time and yourself time to relax and enjoy the experience.
The stallion part mightn't happen the first few times but it might happen later.
2.It's neither your fault or his
3Thinking like you do or listening to your friend is a shallow way to look at things.The best sex in my opinion couldn't possibly be on the first ramming ye give each other.It's going to be when ye get closer.

LegacyUser

If it was your best friend i'm not surprised. It doesn't for a second mean he's not attracted to you - more likely he's suffering from performance anxiety or is worried about size matters etc. And he will be a thousand times more embarrassed than you could even imagine I can assure you.

Carrigart Exile

First time nerves (with someone new, not virginal), pressure to perform can guarantee it not working, rushing, there's a whole host of reasons why it happens. Its no one's fault.

PeakOutput

its defo not your fault iv said this before its happened to me and it was defo not the girls fault as she was unreal looking. it was the demon drinks fault and ye i was embarassed as hell and it took me two months to get a second date with her the bitch

Tails142

I'd say this is more likely to happen with good looking women than not-so good looking women; as blokes will pretty much get up on anything but its the pressure and expectation when it comes to a good looking woman that will spark up the nerves and cause a no-show.

so... what I'm trying to say is... pics please!

j0e

Yeah its happened me and its usually when I'm with someone new or if I havent built up a real relationship with the person. I would defo say ur more likely to get it around someone ur really attracted to rather than just a random, all id say is dont worry. But also sometimes drink + condom = mr floppy

Supercell

Don't sweat it , sometimes its just not meant to happen.
I've had the droop with girls I thought were hot and the opposite with ones that were available (in my reckless youth of course!).

If he wants to cuddle you anyhow, I'd bet its just bad nerves, hold him close and before you know it things might stir (unless drinks involved..floppy, embarrised and drink..just go to sleep, it aint happening tonight!).

the_syco

Dry-hump him (get him right randy), while you still have the clothes on, get him nice and 'ard, then whip of the clothes, whip the johnny on him, and f**k him good, tbh.

Jackz

Only anxiety on his part, I am fairly certain that if it was a naked picture of you and not the real you, you could hang your duffle coat on it.

LegacyUser

twentypockets wrote: »

my friends say that he should be the one who's embarassed.

Am I the only one that thinks theres a problem with that?

The_Conductor

joeyjoejoejr wrote:

Am I the only one that thinks theres a problem with that?

What exactly? Girls discussing their guys? Its happened forever. Its her friends trying to tell her that its not her. Its an entirely normal reaction to a girl worried about something like that, from people who really don't know any better. Its a bit of a case of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" syndrome.

Carrigart Exile

joeyjoejoejr wrote: »

Am I the only one that thinks theres a problem with that?

it was said in the context of a friend trying to gee up a friend, has she known it would be repeated verbatim on an internet site she may have phrased it better

Marksie

Well it probably a mix of first time nerves and drink. Potentially even made worse by embarrassment or disappointment on both parts.

Personally with fisrt nights i enusre everything is conmfortable for both of us and dont drink.
Plus i dont tend to think with one piece of the anatomy. and ensure that she is aroused and orgasmicevemn before thoughts of penetration.

OP, if it occurs again, then try taking that approach of stepping back and learning each others orgasmic response, it will get you more conmfortable with each other. Oh and cutr back on the drink too.

LegacyUser

A couple of questions that you might consider before you assume that the man is suffering from Erectile Dysfunction.

Are you overweight ? When naked are there folds of fat ? Men are visual beasts and if you simply look unattractive when naked that could be part of the problem.

Do you wash ? Seriously: are you off-putting because your personal hygiene leaves something to be desired ? Has this happened to all of your sexual partners or just 1 ?

Has he been drinking ? Alcohol can have a negative impact on a man's ability to maintain an erection.

When does this happen ? Is it late at night or in the wee small hours of the morning ? Is he tired ? Tiredness contributes to ED

mikemac

OP, maybe your partners just don't find you attractive?
Maybe a great personality but less than attractive body?
Yes, it's harsh but it's the obvious answer

Talliesin

twentypockets wrote: »

my friends say that he should be the one who's embarassed, but i can't help but feel like it's my fault. is this normal to feel this way? and is it often the girl's fault?

Sometimes bad things can happen without it being anyone's fault.

I know that's not a very popular opinion - it's much more psychologically satisfying to either form a pitchfork-waving mob and bay for harsh justice or else to castigate oneself in an orgy of self-hate and self-blame than it is to actually take sensible steps to make the most of whatever way things have gone - but I hold to it nonetheless.