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Some Jokes For The Ladies

  • 23-12-2007 10:30am
    #1
    rocky25
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,521 ✭✭✭


    Some are old, some are new,



    My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a f*cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond..........

    My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said "This will make you happy tonight" He was right, when he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
    He couldn't get back in........

    A couple are lying in bed and the man says "I am going to make you the happiest women in the world.
    “The woman says "I'll miss you........"

    Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
    A: A rumour.

    He said "since I first laid eyes on you I've wanted to make love to you really badly."
    She says "well you've succeeded........"
    He said "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
    She said "That's a really good idea.....you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart........"

    He said "What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I gave you?"
    She said "Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat b*stard"

    Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
    A: 45 minutes

    Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    A: Through his chest with a sharp knife!!

    Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
    A: They can't stand criticism

    Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good looking?
    A: Because they've already got boyfriends!!

    Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of marrying?
    A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving!!

    Q: What do you do if you see a man running in a circle?
    A: Reload your gun and try again!!


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