Married life?

youcancallmeal

This thread over in pi has me awfully depressed. Is this whats in store for most marriages. Don't know why I started a thread, just kind of wondering am I naive or something? Kind of makes me not want to ever get married!

MagicMarker

As soon as you get married your penis deminishes in size a little every year. FACT!

Dizzyblonde

Don't let threads like that put you off, plenty of marriages last the course - with commitment and hard work on both sides. Some will argue that there's an element of luck in it too.
I'll be 25 years married in April (I was snatched from the cradle, lol), and we're at least as happy now as we were when we got married.

connundrum

I'd like to think that the OP may have just been a case of 1 in 100 or something like that. Every relationship has its ups and downs, but a relationship where one party isn't willing to work on it, is doomed to fail.

People always seem to think that once your married that'll be that and everything will just level out at a happy medium. Everything takes work, if it didn't then life would be as boring as fook.

Unlucky to the OP, and if his wife can't work her problems out, I hope he finds someone who will make him happy.

Latchy

OP the divorce rates all around the world tell their own story ,it's just that a lot of people are stuck in marriages for various reasons .1 is for the sake of the kids and 2 it's because they are not Financially Stable enough to live seperate lives . Its also possible to fall out of love with the person and the demands of children can put a burden on one or both partners .It's all about expextations and wanting to spend the rest of your live with the person to , not easy in this day and age were both sex's are financially independent. There is a lot to staying single and available ,but eaqualy happy marriages out there to imo.

BOOBLESS

Being married going on 6 years now. 2 kids. Sex life is better now than when we first met.

When kids come into play, life is tough. Working, money, house, school, your life is simply not your own.

Teamwork and mutual respect for what each does in the partnership. Help each other out, listen to each other, have time for each other.

The problem is couples get bogged down with life, work kids school and have no time for each other. Myself and the other half have our kids in bed at 8pm every night and make sure we have our own time and time together.

So folks Married life is what you make it and its simply like a business partnership, you have to compromise for each other and listen to each others needs. It cannot be all give and take on one side. Resentment will set in and once it does its difficult to get rid off.

We have had our ups and downs, but were stronger for it as we stand.

Femelade

one of the main reason i hate reading threads in PI....the amount of cheating that goes on..you think you are safe, you think you've got a good relationship..but you'll never know!! the people who are cheated on never saw it coming and the people who cheat didnt mean to do it...
scary stuff...

Jesus Wept

Marriage is unnatural.

Clare Bear

Yeah it's not nice to see but focus on the good marriages of people you know. Nothing like seeing your parents still hold hands and still be so in love after 36 years of marriage...that's what makes me believe in it. And hopefully one day I'll have the same. Don't focus on the negative cases.

BOOBLESS

Femmy wrote: »

one of the main reason i hate reading threads in PI....the amount of cheating that goes on..you think you are safe, you think you've got a good relationship..but you'll never know!! the people who are cheated on never saw it coming and the people who cheat didnt mean to do it...
scary stuff...

bang on girl, you hit the nail, the other thing I find funny is, the normal, Can't get a bird/bloke and I am so depressed. I have a bird/bloke and he she is wrecking my head... Man Humans as a species are never happy nor satisfied, simple as.

youcancallmeal

Yeah actually your all probably right. If both people are willing to work on problems then I suppose anything is possible. I really should stop reading pi threads though, they just get me down

Pherekydes

youcancallme>al wrote: »

. Is this whats in store for most marriages.

Nope. Don't be silly. My wife left me after 7 years of marriage. So they don't all end up loveless and sexless. Some of them break up.

Clare Bear

youcancallme>al wrote: »

I really should stop reading pi threads though, they just get me down

Yeah I rarely do anymore, I'm glad it's there and it helps people but it just depresses me. Glad it's there for people though.

Dudess

The-Rigger wrote: »

Marriage is unnatural.

Have to agree. I really don't think we're supposed to be monogamous. I'm extremely cynical about marriage. The fact that you have to "work" on it sounds alarm bells to me.

Wibbs

Femmy wrote: »

one of the main reason i hate reading threads in PI....the amount of cheating that goes on..you think you are safe, you think you've got a good relationship..but you'll never know!! the people who are cheated on never saw it coming and the people who cheat didnt mean to do it...
scary stuff...

Scary indeed. I've had it happen to me 3 times and even with hindsight would never have guessed it in two of the cases. One was four hours after I had slept with her myself and it was the lovey dovey kind of nooky too!:) Broke my heart at the time, but you live and learn. Never did it myself so I can't see the reasoning. Sure I've been tempted but for the sake of myself as much her I couldn't have done it.

Marriage or any long term thing takes a lot of work once the hormones have died down and the hormones can cover up basic incompatibility very well. They can be running high for anything like a few months to a couple of years. Been there. That's the hard part. Not getting someone, not falling in love, but keeping someone and staying in love is the trick. It takes two working on it and I think there has to be an air of mystery and challenge even years later.

I also think people nowadays have much higher expectations than previous generations. Some good some bad. You do see many older people in good marriages and a lot of the time it's because their expectations were lower and they came from the standpoint of working on it. Now if some people aren't having mad sweaty honeymoon sex 9 times a week or don't have continental holidays 4 times a year with their partner they get upset.

Some fold at the first sign of trouble. You can see that with some of the replies in PI. There's a lot of "dump him/her NOW!" stuff. "there's more fish in the sea" etc. I know too many people, men and women that regret losing someone over a snap decision. It can take years to surface too. I know one woman, whose ex from 6 years ago just got married and she's broken up over it. She's with a guy now too who she claims she loves, but apparently she always thought her and the ex would get it on again. Now bear in mind she dumped him at the time. He tried to get her back numerous times, but he got tired of it after a while. Loopy or wha?

I reckon the changing roles of the sexes and how some men and women haven't quite caught up with some of that has a part to play. For my own gender I do see quite a few men who are very weak emotionally and take more and more shít from their partners. Unless the partner is a loop job 9 times out of 10 the shít the partner is throwing at the guy is out of frustration at that weakness. At that point it's no wonder some women lose respect for the guy and the first sign of that is often where they don't want to sleep with him.

Jayzuz this is awful deep for AH. Interesting stuff though













YOUR MA!

(For balance mainly )

Dizzyblonde

Dudess wrote: »

Have to agree. I really don't think we're supposed to be monogamous. I'm extremely cynical about marriage. The fact that you have to "work" on it sounds alarm bells to me.

But surely all relationships need to be worked at?

Wibbs

Dudess wrote: »

Have to agree. I really don't think we're supposed to be monogamous. I'm extremely cynical about marriage. The fact that you have to "work" on it sounds alarm bells to me.

Maybe but you could also argue the best things in life you have to work for and the greater the rewards for that work. I work and compromise with my friendships and family. Most importantly I try to work at fixing my own weaknesses. Now it maybe simple courtesy most of the time, but it is work, especially if you're not used to dong it. Add what can be a different approach between the genders into the mix and you can't afford to cruise. Some couples may seem to have it easy, mainly because they work at it naturally and it's not noticeable. Give and take is work. Sometimes very hard work.

BOOBLESS

MagicMarker wrote: »

As soon as you get married your penis deminishes in size a little every year. FACT!

Your misses just told you that to make you feel better little man...

Latchy

BOOBLESS wrote: »

bang on girl, you hit the nail, the other thing I find funny is, the normal, Can't get a bird/bloke and I am so depressed. I have a bird/bloke and he she is wrecking my head... Man Humans as a species are never happy nor satisfied, simple as.

Yeah the amount of trolling im PM threads is amazing .I dont look at them all (not enough hrs in the day ) but am sure a good % of them including sexual matters are made up for titulation purposes only .

moco

Dudess wrote: »

Have to agree. I really don't think we're supposed to be monogamous. I'm extremely cynical about marriage. The fact that you have to "work" on it sounds alarm bells to me.

Me too. Why spend your time working on trying to stay together and being unhappy through tough times? Plus I don't think I'm capable of loving one person for a prolonged period of time! If they do enough to piss me off I just end up not liking them and can't turn my feelings back around.

I think it's the single life for me.

Latchy

A lot of people are married out of social status .In a lot of cases love has nothing to do with it ,financial security does .

The royal family are an example If we are to believe Diana left cold hearted Charles for warm fun loving Dodi but also outside the normal rules of conventional marriage/ familys .

Khannie

youcancallme>al wrote: »

Yeah actually your all probably right. If both people are willing to work on problems then I suppose anything is possible. I really should stop reading pi threads though, they just get me down

Yeah, marriage is nothing like that tbh. I've must have had sex at least 3 times in the first year. That's 50% more than that guy!

Ah no, seriously, my marriage is nothing like that PI thread. I wouldn't let it cloud your judgement. I love being married.

prendy

that thread in PI made depressing reading...

r3nu4l

Dudess wrote: »

Have to agree. I really don't think we're supposed to be monogamous. I'm extremely cynical about marriage. The fact that you have to "work" on it sounds alarm bells to me.

Dizzyblonde wrote: »

But surely all relationships need to be worked at?

Dizzyblonde is right, should we walk out of every relationship we enter into at the first sign that we may have to put some effort in? No! Do we drop immediate family such as mothers, fathers or siblings because we have to put effort and work into our relationships sometimes? No!

All that has happened on that thread is that at least one partner is in denial about some issue and that has led to relationship breakdown. Do you walk out on someone just because they are having difficulties with an aspect of their life or do you try to help them? I'd try to help and that would naturally lead to some level of conflict until the person with the issues admits to their being a problem.

The reason divorce is so high imo is because so many people are too stubborn and selfish to put any work into anything that costs them time or effort. Consumer society imo.

newestUser

Dudess wrote: »

Have to agree. I really don't think we're supposed to be monogamous. I'm extremely cynical about marriage. The fact that you have to "work" on it sounds alarm bells to me.

Don't believe in The One? So you'll consider all offers eh? *wink wink leer*

bragan

God, I wish I didn't read that thread. It's made me really worry for the future. I love my partner very much, but I know our sex life isn't great. I'm worried that i'll be that wife in a few years. As it is, I don't have much interest in sex. When I'm in the mood, it's great. The problem is, that i'm not in the mood that often. I'd say about once or twice a week. And thats now, while I'm still young. What's going to happen in a few years when we have kids......

prendy

God, I wish I didn't read that thread. It's made me really worry for the future. I love my partner very much, but I know our sex life isn't great. I'm worried that i'll be that wife in a few years. As it is, I don't have much interest in sex. When I'm in the mood, it's great. The problem is, that i'm not in the mood that often. I'd say about once or twice a week. And thats now, while I'm still young. What's going to happen in a few years when we have kids......

dont put him through it!!!!

MagicMarker

bragan wrote: »

God, I wish I didn't read that thread. It's made me really worry for the future. I love my partner very much, but I know our sex life isn't great. I'm worried that i'll be that wife in a few years. As it is, I don't have much interest in sex. When I'm in the mood, it's great. The problem is, that i'm not in the mood that often. I'd say about once or twice a week. And thats now, while I'm still young. What's going to happen in a few years when we have kids......

First off, don't have kids until you're 100% happy in the relationship. If you're not happy with your sex drive then do something to make it better.

Latchy

bragan wrote: »

God, I wish I didn't read that thread. It's made me really worry for the future. I love my partner very much, but I know our sex life isn't great. I'm worried that i'll be that wife in a few years. As it is, I don't have much interest in sex. When I'm in the mood, it's great. The problem is, that i'm not in the mood that often. I'd say about once or twice a week. And thats now, while I'm still young. What's going to happen in a few years when we have kids......

The problem (for want of a better word ) is that nobody said marriage is a bed of roses ,it isin't the brady bunch or the partridge family ,more married with children but seriously if your libido is low then your not alone and weather you have sex 3 times a day or once a month it does not matter ,you cannot compare your marriage with sombody else (unless jealousy rares it's ugly head) as long as you and your partner are comfortable in your relationship then thats all that matters. We date,we fall in love, we get married , have kids ,we get old .It's the natural order of things .I would hate to have gone through life and left it to long to have children and be full of remorse , but thats me

bragan

latchyco wrote: »

The problem (for want of a better word ) is that nobody said marriage is a bed of roses ,it isin't the brady bunch or the partridge family ,more married with children but seriously if your libido is low then your not alone and weather you have sex 3 times a day or once a month it does not matter ,you cannot compare your marriage with sombody else (unless jealousy rares it's ugly head) as long as you and your partner are comfortable in your relationship then thats all that matters. We date,we fall in love, we get married , have kids ,we get old .It's the natural order of things .I would hate to have gone through life and left it to long to have children and be full of remorse , but thats me

Thank you That helped. I'm 100% happy in my relationship. I can't wait to have kids. I'm happy with our sex life. I wish there was a way to increse libido, but there isn't.

Latchy

bragan wrote: »

Thank you That helped. I'm 100% happy in my relationship. I can't wait to have kids. I'm happy with our sex life. I wish there was a way to increse libido, but there isn't.

Your welcome bragan and best wish's for christmas and new year

the_syco

Lads, ladies, PI will be depressing 99% of the time. The other 1% is when people come back with their success stories.

Don't bode on them, and you'll be grand.

CathyMoran

Marriage can be the best thing ever - I am married for nearly a year to my husband after having dated him for 9 years and I can honestly say that it is the best thing that I have ever done. Relationships take a lot of work, that is something that a lot of modern society forgets. I always have to work on my relationship but for everything that I put in I get back multiplied. There is life within marriage - I have never been happier.

macca1

Marriage works for some couples for others it doesnt....For me it didnt, it lasted 3 years ending when i was 27. That was 3 years ago and im still single....sometimes the grass seems greener the other side when in reality it isnt....