Once Bitten, Twice Shy?

LegacyUser

I broke it off from my ex a year and a bit ago, it was a 4 year relationship and I'm well over it. It was a pretty horrible, unhealthy dependant relationship and we both weren't very mature. I was depressed at the time. I was two years older than her, I'm 21. I've done a hell of a lot of growing up since then. the relationship had to end as it was getting unhealthy so I cut it off. Since then, I've been with a few girls, reclaimed my former glory, retaken up my hobbies etc - essentially got my confidence back up. My life has just taken a massive massive improvement, I'm academically, physically and socially where I want to be.

So during summer in my work, I was introduced to a girl who had a mentoring role over me. She was exceptionally quiet and reserved but seemed to open up around me, and we became friends. I went away for a month and we kept up contact when I returned to college. I never thought she could like me, she's 23, there's a couple of other factors as well (that I'm going to leave out for anonymity's sake) but we click so well. I mean, she's just so mature and such a calming influence on me. We started going out about 2 months ago. She encourages me to have my space and nights out with the lads etc, essentially - our friendship has grown stronger and deeper and we don't smoother each other. We were friends for about 3.5 months before the relationship...

My issue is that - how do you know if she's the right one for you? I've been in a relationship before as described, and many (about 8 or 9) casual things since then - I'm 21, going away for postgrad training next year, she's talking about coming to the same institute as me. I'm so petrified of telling her that i love her in case it goes pear shaped (I know she'll reciprocate) and the relationship is doomed. Am I too young to love or something?! I was always told that I should never enter a serious relationship at this age, she's 24 and I'm 22 in the coming year. Is it too soon to be serious?

The positives: She "gets" me, we have the same sense of humour, I trust her completely, she trusts me as well completely, its non-dependant, I have ample freedom, she's a genuinely fantastic girl, so nice and I'm very attracted to her. She's talking about changing her career direction to follow me...we've grown exceptionally close. She encourages me to do what I have to do, follow my career path...she's just so mature. She's not jealous and makes an effort with all of my friends. Its not lust, there's no possession - its a relationship devoid of immaturity and she makes me feel unbelivable.

She's someone who I could see myself with in the future, we have the same outlook on life.

Negatives: I'm 21. (A mature one at that, but 21 none the less)

So do I let go a potential gem go because I'm too young?
I really like her, I think I love her, I definately have very strong feelings for her - I'm very cautious about using those three words though...
I have not mentioned that word.

I guess I'm asking for perspective? kicks in the arse or direction would be greatly appreciated. How do you know if its love?

I guess this is a case of once bitten, twice shy.

AngryBadger

Bite the bullet.

You can't orchestrate a perfect relationship no amtter how much you might want to. if you say it and she reciprocates then hopefully you can sail away into the sunset as the relationship between ye grows. If she doesn't, well then chalk it down to experience and move on.

Such is life my man, don't let is pass you by because you're afraid of missing out.

K_P

You get on great, have a fantastic connection, there's huge attraction, trust and friendship. You're never too young or old for a relationship like that in my opinion.

Just go with it, stop over-thinking things!

Mr. Incognito

Jesus man. carpe diem. Always do what's best TODAY! The future might never happen. I thought this was hard-wired into the paddy psyche.

the_syco

callum1986 wrote: »

Negatives: I'm 21. (A mature one at that, but 21 none the less)

Bloody hell, man, you're looking for cracks that aren't there. Age is only important when one of ye is below 19.