Jerk in work

LegacyUser

Please help. I was quite happy in my job but there's this fella who's really starting to ruin things for me. He's normally friendly and respectful with most people in work yet he seems to take liberties with me. When speaking to me he's brash, critical and constantly telling me what I should and shouldn't do with my life. Recently he accused me of something that wasn't my fault. I've always been a fairly quiet, shy person so I find it quite difficult to take this treatment or speak back. Due to the nature of my work it's impossible to just keep out of his way.
I get along with most other people where I work and I would like to stay where I am. He also gets along with most people and I'm worried in case they turn against me if I tell them the truth about this person's behaviour. It's starting to really get me down and I'm seriously considering a transfer to another section because I just don't want to anywhere around this person anymore.

Dizzyblonde

I think it's because you're a shy quiet person that he does this with you - nobody else will take it from him. You need to be more assertive and challenge him on it. Tell him that if it doesn't stop you'll report him - and do just that if it continues.
This sort of thing needs to be nipped in the bud and if you don't learn to stand up for yourself then it'll happen again wherever you transfer to.
There are bullies like him everywhere.

Electric

As above. Nip this in the bud right now the longer it goes on the harder it will be to stop.

Say it to him directly that you don't appreciate his manner and that if he has a problem with you to come to you with it. Otherwise you expect him to act in a professional and courteous manner.

If he keeps it up report is ass!

BC

I agree with the above but you need to focus on specifics.

If he says something do you, pull him up on it there and then. e.g what do you mean by that, i'd appreciate if you didnt make comments like that to me etc etc.

monkey tennis

Electric wrote: »

Say it to him directly that you don't appreciate his manner

I think an interesting way to tackle this might be to ask him why he speaks to you this way (and not the others). This will put him on the spot, and might be easier for you to do than to openly confront him.

If this doesn't work, then you need to tell him to quit it or there'll be a formal complaint.

hullaballoo

OP, if you're a girl, maybe he fancies you. I know it's an immature thing to be critical of someone you like but it's not uncommon. Either way, he's the one with the problem and not you.

As others have said, there's no harm in approaching him about it. You don't have to be confrontational (by the sounds of it, you wouldn't be anyway) but you can let him know that you've noticed the difference in the way he treats you and that you don't like it.

Dawei

ask him what his problem is, but remember not to be too serious. Do not be disturbed by him, such a person needs a listener, and don't be the one.

bobtjustice

Make a complaint to your line manager and/or Hr forget about confronting him, or trying to talk to him working is hard enough with out having to deal with a cretin like that.

Balmed Out

Its stupid but there are guys that behave like that when they have a crush on u. I guess its an extreme of the husband who constantly criticises his wifes driving, trying to appear macho or dominant. Have a talk with him and then if he keeps it up say it to the boss. Dont suffer for someone elses issue.

ryoishin

Say it to him in a polite way. Then mention it to your team leader or eqivalent. It would be a good idea to write down what he is saying. you know how people pick away at what you say at least you ll have it word for word if this reaches a formal setting. There ll always be someone like this in a job best to deal with it like taking off a plaster, quickly.

Einstein

hullaballú wrote: »

OP, if you're a girl, maybe he fancies you.

totally agree here...sometimes (embarrasingly) guys like to think that by being that way to a girl will make them look cool and collected. it just makes em look like a dick tho.

Say it to him,

If you don't want to say it to him, email him.

Recon

Similar guy where I'm working doing the same ****ty stuff. At first you'd think everyone else likes him but after a little while you'll see that everyone else has had previous run ins with him and sorted it out. Either by confronting him or going to HR, and that's what you have to do.