Kicked to the curb

LegacyUser

My partner and I are together six months, We call &meet each other regularly. Everything was terrific up until last week. A friend of mine died suddenly. The evening of the death, I met my partner & told him about it, he was supportive and attempted to console me for the loss. Initially, I was shocked at the death but it really didn’t hit me until the weekend

I haven’t seen my partner since the night it happened due to my work schedule, although he text everyday to ask how’s things in general. A close friend of his, who has been living abroad for a year, came back the day after my friends death. He never told me about it (which was unusual because he normally would) . I asked him to meet up with me for a couple of hours at the weekend because the grief hit me like a hammer and I was devastated. He text me and refused to meet up because he was out with his mate that afternoon but could meet me the following day ... the text was very sarcastic.

Last night, he text me and asked if I would like to meet up. I genuinely forgot to answer the message because my friends and I were busy making funeral arrangements. I have never once ignored his calls or emails before this. So fast forward to this evening, he knew I was off and I asked if I could go over to him to talk as I am feeling very down and he said no, he was ‘fed up waiting ’ for me to reply to his message, so he called his mate and went out to the pub. I asked if I could join them and he said ‘no, he was having pints with his mate’ - flat out.

I feel so hurt by his reaction, just because his friend returned, Am I kicked to the curb? Why the nastiness now, when he has never been like this before? BTW we are nearly 30 - not kids! Advice please.............

AnonoBoy

Sounds like he's been a bit insensitive but perhaps you're reading too much into his texts too.

How can you know for sure if a text is sarcastic? Perhaps you read into it something that wasn't there?

What age are you and your partner? Some people find it very hard to deal with death and don't know what to say to someone who is grieving.

All in all though he sounds like he needs to realise that it's not all about him and needs to be a bit more sensitive especially at a time like this.

Dragan

Forget him.

Or put him in his place.

The simple fact is that he is acting like a dick so you might as well tell him and let him apologise, or tell him and then move on.

Drummerboy2

Well if you didn't answer his text message, you can't blame him from making other arrangements for the evening. When you asked to join him he probably felt it wouldn't be fair to his friend whom he had made the arrangement with to bring his gf along. I certainly don't think you have been kicked into touch, just communicate better the next time.

Beruthiel

If ye are both nearly 30 then you should know better than to be texting. Texts can be misunderstood, phone calls are the only way to go.
Do you think you are being over sensitive because you're sad right now and needed him more?
Sorry about your friend

WindSock

You are both in your 30's and are communicating to each other by text message?





Edit-oops, too slow.

LegacyUser

We both text more so than call, habit of a life time -we just do, but as it happens, I called him last night and his phone was switched off.

I am not overly sensitive/clingy, I can assure you but yes I do expect him to be there for me on the one occassion that I need support. Is that asking too much?

Cathmandooo

God, that's awful. For starters a text can easily not be sent or deleted by accident without reading it. He should NOT be mad at you because you didnt answer one text. If it bothered him that you didnt reply he should have called you or texted you again. He sounds like a complete insensitive sap (to put it mildly).

You're not asking too much at all. He should be there to support you. I can understand him making arrangements because he hadnt heard from you, fair enough, but he has no leg to stand on to be mad at you.

Kick HIM to the curb

K_P

As someone else said, he didn't get a reply so it's not unreasonable for him to make other plans.

Having said that, a close friend of yours has died. He should be a bit more sensitive and understanding. The two of you need to talk. Face to face, no more texting!

Sgt Hartman

Beruthiel wrote: »

If ye are both nearly 30 then you should know better than to be texting. Texts can be misunderstood, phone calls are the only way to go.

Exactly, a text that's phrased the wrong way can be mistaken as rude/ignorant/sarky. Best to give him a call, don't try and be argumentative or dramatic with him in any way. Just be calm and try and explain the way you are feeling to him in a friendly manner. If he starts becoming nasty to you in any way then maybe it's time to kick HIM to the kerb.
My advise is don't take attitude from anyone if you feel it's not justified.

Wibbs

Maybe it's me, but being supportive for a friend, never mind a partner when they're going through the process of burying someone would be a fairly big priority. Now lines can get crossed etc, but if I sent a text to someone in this situation and she didn't answer I would then ring or try to leave a message for her. TBH I'd probably drive over to see if everything was alright.

I would talk to him and find out what's what, but at six months you would think him more attentive.