How do you all deal with cheek?

undecided

Hi everyone!

I have a 7 yr old girl who i've noticed is starting to get quite cheeky and a little bit of an attitude. She is mainly quite good never have problems in school and mostly will do as asked. But I can see this as being a problem if let away with it. She is quite a mature 7 but didn't think I'd be seeing this until at least 11!

So how do you all deal with it (Idont/wont slap) and what do you find works best?

Nevyn

I have started to have that issue with my daughter and won' have it.
She gets told swiftly that it is not acceptible behaviour and is made to aplogise and if needs be I will punish her for it.

So far I have only once had to put her on a punishment detail, other times a dressing down has done it.

witchywoman

i too have 2 7yr olds, one a girl, i think that they naturally start to back answer, and i have corrected my daughter in particular about giving cheek, her response? whats cheek? so, i explained that back answering will not be tolerated, and so far she understands, the trick is, to remind her, gently if she slips up.i must say tho, i have seen other kids absolutely hell bent on being cheeky, and their mothers just sigh, and put up with it.start as you mean to go on, tell her you value her input and her opinion, but all discussions have a time and a place.

smartypants

:cool: id slap the bejaysus out of them!

undecided

Thanks for your replies.

I have explained that I wont have it but doesn't seem to do much! Thing is this is something that I find unbearable nothing will rise me as quick as cheek! Up until now she been grounded on each occasion but can't keep that up all the time need to find some thing that will make it home with her. A friend of mine (mother of 5) said that girl are made up in that way her opinion was they are little bi**es in comparison to boys. I'm starting to think she right my little fella is like a dream never have feck all trouble with him in that respect. Opinions, Help? Thanks!

deisemum

I think boys tend to be more physical and girls can be bit*hes (I've got 7 sisters) but I think as they get older the challenges change and you have less influence especially with teenagers.

I think you have to be consistant and if grounding isn't working then change tack, maybe confiscate something that she's into, ie tv, games, playdates etc and follow through

luckat

I recently got a great book out of the library, called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

It's very useful, not just for talking to children, but for talking to adults.

Often the most furious marital rows happen because people don't really listen to what's going on, but to the "surface" of a row. For instance: "You've spent *what* on *what*?" - this may mean "We're going to the poorhouse because of your irresponsible spending", but it may also mean "I'm frightened and insecure right now and I'm shouting at you because of it".

How To Talk... is useful in disentangling all this, and has good exercises too. I requested it in my local library and they got it from another one; it's in several of the Dublin City Libraries branches.

ex_infantry man

ye take away something that she gets regulary i.e. pocket money for a week or no tv, you might laugh at this but thats what used to done to us when i was in recruit training for the army if we fecked up and we were between the ages of 17-25 and it used work on some of us lol

Cheeky_gal

Let me talk to the little fella. I'll knock some sense into that munschin!;)

Latchy

smartypants wrote: »

:cool: id slap the bejaysus out of them!

It's againts the law and anyway somtimes can mean the parent is frustrated about somthing else so vents it out on the child ...somtimes

undecided

luckat wrote: »

I recently got a great book out of the library, called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

It's very useful, not just for talking to children, but for talking to adults.

Thanks goin to try order it and see if sheds any light. Need to get something so wont do any harm in trying it.

My parntner thinks its funny and says he moving out when she does hit her teenage yrs. Wish I could be so cool about it!:(

Quality

I generally tell my daughter to go up to her bedroom and think about the way she is talking to her mammy....

I tell her it is bold and not right,.

Dont get into a slagging match...

Just say "STOP" "GO to your room and think about what you have just said to your Mammy"

Good irish guilt works everytime.

My daughter is 8 going on 18.....

littlebitdull

The calmer you can keep the calmer the whole situation remains. Easier said than done most of the time!! consistancy is the real key. You have to never let them away with it, which is difficult. Especially as they will play you up when your out and about, and none of us like to be seen correcting our kids in public... mainly due to the fact that some nice person will try to help us out with thier own viewpoint!!

I have seen that book recommended by various people ... on various sites .. think I will give it a shot myself!!

deadpan

undecided wrote: »

Hi everyone!

I have a 7 yr old girl who i've noticed is starting to get quite cheeky and a little bit of an attitude. She is mainly quite good never have problems in school and mostly will do as asked. But I can see this as being a problem if let away with it. She is quite a mature 7 but didn't think I'd be seeing this until at least 11!

So how do you all deal with it (Idont/wont slap) and what do you find works best?

Always, always praise good behaviour. Ignore bad behaviour unless somebody is in danger or being hurt. Communicate and listen to children. Spend time just hanging out with them and giving them plenty of attention.
It is difficult - just keep trying. Families are not meant to be easy.
Good luck

RAFC

I don't think this is just a girl thing - I have a 7yr old boy - Dennis the Menace is NOTHING to this guy, my friends call him DAMIEN :eek:

While you do have to punish bad behaviour, attitude etc - they eventually realise this is unacceptable and grow out of it (16yr old and 14yr old have proven this to me - 10yr old just about copping on). I did find sending him to his room pointless as all his toys are there - now I make him sit in front of the telly watching the news.

Experts advise time out should not last too long ie 1 minute for each year, otherwise they forget what they are there for, and I am finding this works most of the time.

Best of luck - it's up to us to teach them their values, keep them occupied, support them in all they do and it will pay off in the end

*Murphy*

completly ingore bad behaviour. walk out of the room talk over it, untill they get the idea. works with the 200+ kids i teach every week. praise everything they do.

undecided

I wouldnt say she bold just v cheeky and a bad attitude! I don't know how to deal with it at all! Tell her it's not right and shouldn't speak to people like thatetc. tried sending her to her room as well as gounding but if I were to do it every time she gives cheek or talk with an attitude she'd never see the outside world!

embee

undecided wrote: »

I wouldnt say she bold just v cheeky and a bad attitude! I don't know how to deal with it at all! Tell her it's not right and shouldn't speak to people like thatetc. tried sending her to her room as well as gounding but if I were to do it every time she gives cheek or talk with an attitude she'd never see the outside world!

I have a cousin who is like that. He's 12 now, but he's been a cheeky wee pup since he was about your daughters age. He frequently tells his parents to "shut the hell up" and "get out of my life". Has been doing it since before he was this close to puberty, and he grates on me like you would not believe.

The way his parents talk to him I think is the key as to why he hasn't modified his behaviour. They say stuff like "Oh, come on now, you shouldn't really say things like that" and "you should be nicer". The word "should" in my opinion is presenting a child with a choice - they should be, but they don't have to. It isn't definite enough. If I were his mother, I would be more forceful and I would tell him "you can't" and "don't" and enforce bad behaviour with punishment, such as withdrawal of privileges, not being allowed to go out as often, withholding pocket money, ignoring his brattish outbursts.

My little one is not even 2, but I can see in her that she is stubborn already. She gets told "we don't slap in this house" and "you MUST be nicer or we aren't playing" etc. I'm sure it doesn't always register, but she is like a sponge at the moment in terms of language and I know that most of the time, she knows exactly what I'm saying. I think children don't know their boundaries unless they test them, so they'll sometimes push their parents buttons, but I don't think it is out of badness, more a curiosity to test precisely what is and is not acceptable.

undecided

embee my little one isn't as bad as that---Yet! Pray to god she doesn't don't think I could handle that!

I have another litlle fella who was v hyper when he came along had to get really strict with them both. I don't give the walk on eggshells talk if something is out of order they will be told it! by no means am I soft!

It's funny have been told by others ie. other parents she lovely kid great manners etc but at home I see a different side - her attitude is brutal!

The other little fella(4) is a good child and has lovely manners - just this morning he did a widdle and got a little on the toilet and he said to me " oh i'm sorry mam I made a little mess!" If the other did this she wouldn't care. If asked to wipe it she would but with an attitude!

Nevyn

She's 7 and prolly can' wait to grow up and can't see that much of a difference between you and her, I am having some of those same issues with my 7 year old.

It's boundaries pushing and who are you to tell her what to do ?
I see it as a way of expressing the fact she is thinking for herself and resents being told what to do.

With mine I point out that the same way I have taught them to walk and talk and wipe there bum there is a lot more things they have to learn before they are a grown up and part of that is good manners and how to do things properly.

I find at this age being an example works well.

If she is soo hot to trot to be treated as an adult then point out that the other adults in her life would not need to be told to clean the toilet seat they show considerstion for others and do it with out being asked.