Irish Driving Guide

cson

Lifted this off Bebo, it's amusing enough. Any more to add?

Irish Driving Guide
1. Indicators will give away your next move. A confident Irish driver avoids using them.

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because somebody else will fill in the space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.

4. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with LM, CN or KE plates. With no insurance, the other operator probably has nothing to lose.

5. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.

6. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the motorway.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in Ireland during rush hour.

8. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

9. Learn to swerve abruptly without signalling. Ireland is the home of
high-speed slalom driving thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert!

10. It is tradition in Ireland to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green.

11. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important to exit your vehicle through the windscreen right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.

12. Remember that the goal of every Irish driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.

13. WARNING! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended

LuckyStar

I'll add a 14th...

14. Always beep at Learners having difficulty. If you are lucky it may make them panic and do something unpredictable and surprising!!! Everybody likes surprises!!!

NewBalance

15. Ensure at least one Head Lamp is either broken or on Permanent High Beam to ensure you dazzle or disorientate on-coming drivers – this will keep other drivers alert.

16. Drinking and Driving NOT PERMITTED except on Bank Holiday Weekends, Weekends and Week Nights.

MadsL

17. It is mandatory to leave your front fog-lights on at all times, except in heavy fog where you should switch to sidelights only.

18. If your rear running light is broken, your rear fog light makes an acceptable substitute. Try to get the light fixed as soon as your NCT comes around.

19. Have your main headlights aligned regularly, a useful rule of thumb is that you should see them lighting up the top of the trees on rural roads (both sides)

Tony Danza

MadsL wrote: »

17. It is mandatory to leave your front fog-lights on at all times, except in heavy fog where you should switch to sidelights only.

18. If your rear running light is broken, your rear fog light makes an acceptable substitute. Try to get the light fixed as soon as your NCT comes around.

19. Have your main headlights aligned regularly, a useful rule of thumb is that you should see them lighting up the top of the trees on rural roads (both sides)

And I'm still waiting for the punch line on each of them rules...

LuckyStar

NewBalance wrote: »

15. Ensure at least one Head Lamp is either broken or on Permanent High Beam to ensure you dazzle or disorientate on-coming drivers – this will keep other drivers alert.

Scarily true, if it is the near headlight that is gone, from far away you can think it is a motorbike coming and it is only when you are near them you realise it is a car and you have to suddenly move over in case the wing mirrors hit!!!

kyote00

20. Always hang your L sign upside down and back to front

MadsL

Tony Danza wrote: »

And I'm still waiting for the punch line on each of them rules...

I'm glad one of us is a comedian.....

...I'll leave you to figure out which.

ninty9er

21. If you come across an Alfa with the rear fogs on in broad daylight this is becuase Alfa spec their cars that way when ordered by a woman in Ireland.

edit: If a man is driving....wait...men don'....oh well

cson

22. If using road signs as guide to yor destination a good rule of thumb is to go in the opposite direction to which they face.

degsie

23. When stopped for an extended time in traffic keep you foot on the brake pedal to help illuminate the inside of the car behind you in case they need to search for that coin they dropped while fiddling in their pocket previously.

cson

24. If operating an agricultural veh-ickle such as a tractor, always go as slow as possible and do not use the hard shoulder if it is available. This will improve other road users profiency at overtaking around bends.

Tomas_V

cson wrote: »

24. If operating an agricultural veh-ickle such as a tractor, always go as slow as possible and do not use the hard shoulder if it is available.

That's not a joke. Both of those are real rules.:p

cson

Always go as slow as possible? Is that really written in the RSA tractor manual?

Spyral

the ops ones are actually sad but true.

Ireland has sh*t drivers

MadsL

25. The LUAS has priority at all times.
Except if you are:
a. Late
b. Driving a white van

bman

Tomas_V wrote: »

That's not a joke. Both of those are real rules.:p

You can allow people past by moving onto the hard shoulder of a road that isn't a motorway, if there are no cyclists/pedestrians in it.

Tomas_V

bman wrote: »

You can allow people past by moving onto the hard shoulder of a road that isn't a motorway, if there are no cyclists/pedestrians in it.

Yes, but you cannot drive along the hard shoulder while doing so.

Here's another rule (joke):

Overtaking is permitted as long no physical contact is involved.:D

Sandwich

26. Always give way to a Passat TDI (red I, or red D red I). Local custom has it that they are the fastest thing on 4 wheels and are granted respect accordingly. Only Ferraris and Lamborghinis are considered equal to them and do not necessarily have to comply (although the Passat owner may get irate at the perceived insult).

Andrewf20

27. When using motorways, its okay to sit in the fast lane at 60 mph, especially when beside a vehicle in the slow lane. This helps people waiting behind to drive more slowly, thus making our roads safer.

28. When coming onto a motorway ensure to keeps speeds to 40mph until you reach the motorway when it is safe to increase speed to 50mph. Do not go over this speed.

ninty9er

Andrewf20 wrote: »

fast lane at 60 mph, especially when beside a vehicle in the slow lane.

:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

joolsveer

If you drive a left hand drive car ensure that you neglect to have your headlights adjusted for driving in Ireland.

Tea drinker

Andrewf20 wrote: »

27. When using motorways, its okay to sit in the fast lane at 60 mph, especially when beside a vehicle in the slow lane. This helps people waiting behind to drive more slowly, thus making our roads safer.

Ah yes, the motorway "timeout". Very useful to find CD's under the seat or to rest your eyes for a few moments, or reflect on the drivers around you, wishing they get cancer.

smartypantz

29. Owners of exec saloons or (city use) SUVs are exempt from RSA and all above rules.

To owners of said vehicles - you can further cut your tax bill by dropping indicators from the options list (as indicators rarely appear to work on exec cars)