Christma Poker Poems

YULETIRED

I'd just like to wish everyone a happy christmas. Is it possible that the connie fellow or that eminem guy can post some Christmas poker poems for some yule-tired levity. The Waterford poems were giggle inducing....


Just home - company christmas parties ftw....(for the women:eek:)



bye bye boards.ie.. Happy New year etc (hic)

BLOG coming soon in 2008 (little poker content)

RIP dan fogelberg....
http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=IhjYbfK9vrk



INSERT POEM CONNIE!

smurph

YULETIRED wrote: »

I'd just like to wish everyone a happy christmas. Is it possible that the connie fellow or that eminem guy can post some Christmas poker poems for some yule-tired levity. The Waterford poems were giggle inducing....


Just home - company christmas parties ftw....(for the women:eek:)



bye bye boards.ie.. Happy New year etc (hic)

BLOG coming soon in 2008 (little poker content)

RIP dan fogelberg....
http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=IhjYbfK9vrk



INSERT POEM CONNIE!

There's only one Solskjear??

El Stuntman

This should be a collaborative effort - I'll contribute a first verse or two

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for a mouse
That mouse it was clicking ‘raise’, ‘call’ and ‘fold’
Its owner was sweating, he was deep in the hole

The beats they got worse, the bankroll got smaller
The Gambler was down to his last thousand dollars
When all of a sudden he heard a voice like the Devils
That voice stridently commanded "Move up levels"

5starpool

In the spirit of bah humbug I'm going to leave you alone on this account until there is a specific trolling or other reason to ban you, but if one of the other mods ban you then I won't undo it.

Happy humbug.

El Stuntman

5starpool wrote: »

In the spirit of bah humbug I'm going to leave you alone on this account until there is a specific trolling or other reason to ban you, but if one of the other mods ban you then I won't undo it.

Happy humbug.

originally posted by

smurph

5starpool wrote: »

In the spirit of bah humbug I'm going to leave you alone on this account until there is a specific trolling or other reason to ban you, but if one of the other mods ban you then I won't undo it.

Happy humbug.

5starpool

Hey, that's me being in a good mood, and it's only morning!!!!

If I say nothing it is 99% likely he is banned by the end of today. Now it is maybe 50% likely.

A puppy has just died in the land of bubbles and buttons at the top of the faraway tree due to the meanness of your post.

YULETIRED

El Stuntman wrote: »

This should be a collaborative effort - I'll contribute a first verse or two

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for a mouse
That mouse it was clicking ‘raise’, ‘call’ and ‘fold’
Its owner was sweating, he was deep in the hole

The beats they got worse, the bankroll got smaller
The Gambler was down to his last thousand dollars
When all of a sudden he heard a voice like the Devils
That voice stridently commanded "Move up levels"

So he moved up the levels , and things began to get better,
but what's that noise he thought, someones delivering a letter ?
so he left his PC and crept downstairs to find out ,
the letterbox flap was now pointing out,


then a hand appeared through the letterbox Slot,
looking for keys no doubt, to get in, take the lot,
but the owner plays golf and his clubs were at hand,
and he thought to himself, a 7 iron will do grand,

he smashed the intruder with an almighty swing,
a talormade club that made the letterbox ping,
and the intruder let out a cry of sheer pain,
sorry it's only me , cardshark, and I'm broke again.

El Stuntman

the poem takes a predictable twist away from Christmas and towards the Cardshark broke theme....

where to next?

DeadParrot

We need the magic back

As reggie limped home, his poor hand in bits
thinking of ways to spin up, maybe blind omaha flips
He couldnt think straight, such was the pain
and didnt even notice, the parked big red sleigh.

The night had become foggy and Santa was lost
he despaired and he moaned as his beard filled with frost
He needed a guide, a way through the night
Just then he looked up and saw a ginger head shining bright

El Stuntman

things are looking up, come on people I want to see where this goes

brianmc

All of the other playas
used to laugh and call him names
they never let poor Reggie
stop playing poker games

Then one foggy Christmas eve
Santa came to say
Reggie with your hair so bright
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight

DeadParrot

Cardshark became aware of the red suited man
and was amazed as the pain dissappeared from his hand
I need you help reggie, said Santa, my work is not yet done
And in return I can give you Harringon on Holdem Vol 1

What was this thought our hero, a cruel angle shoot
a boardie in disguise, dressed in a bright red suit?
But with nothing better to do for the rest of the night
He agreed with a whisper, sat in and took flight!

They delievered some tables, some chips and some cards
Some books and some disipline, to one or two Lagtards
And when they were finshed Santa said, 'Come here you,
you were brilliant tonight, here's a roll for 1/2

Reggie asked santa to drop him at Cool Hand Lukes
where an all nighter was going , some regs and some mooks.
Reggie sat down and rested his hands on the felt
as chips were riffled and the cards they were dealt

Lafortezza

If this develops into another cardshark thread it may meet the fate of the original

DeadParrot

1st hand under the gun a 6h and a 4
he raised it up pot like so often before
5 callers there were when it came to the flop
2,5,3 came up and slowplaying he was not

He potted again, queitly confident with his rep
he get a few callers with 2 pair or a set
with 2 hearts on the board he was also a bit worried
of a heart on the turn and him being out again in a hurry

The turn came a seven, and also a heart
Reggie paled visibly and said check in the dark
Making no sense the other players were crushed
apart from one, hectorjelly, who said pot with a flush

Reggie thought deeply, about the night that he'd had
about how he saved christmas and how he'd earlier been sad
Now full of joy and feeling much prouder
he said call to try and hit his 1 outer

He closed his eyes as the river brought gasps from the crowd,
a magical 4, a straight flush, he exhaled loud.
He checked once again, and let HJ say pot
All-in he said instantly not caring a jot

As he scooped up the winnings he tipped the dealer a chip,
smiled wryly at Hector and gave him some lip
He skipped home some time later dreaming of hookers and coke
A real Christmas miracle, Cardshark, not broke

hf4z6sqo7vjngi

DeadParrot wrote: »

Cardshark became aware of the red suited man
and was amazed as the pain dissappeared from his hand
I need you help reggie, said Santa, my work is not yet done
And in return I can give you Harringon on Holdem Vol 1

What was this thought our hero, a cruel angle shoot
a boardie in disguise, dressed in a bright red suit?
But with nothing better to do for the rest of the night
He agreed with a whisper, sat in and took flight!

They delievered some tables, some chips and some cards
Some books and some disipline, to one or two Lagtards
And when they were finshed Santa said, 'Come here you,
you were brilliant tonight, here's a roll for 1/2

Reggie asked santa to drop him at Cool Hand Lukes
where an all nighter was going , some regs and some mooks.
Reggie sat down and rested his hands on the felt
as chips were riffled and the cards they were dealt

He was sitting there playing, playing so loose
that the guys though he was in panto playing mother goose
he was loosing heavely, rivered in so many spots
that he thought to himself going to try and steal pots
it ended in tears with his buy in gone
he called for santa and asked were did it go wrong

YULETIRED

Ok so as Laf won't lock this.....some non cardshark christmas rhymes.

firemans bells firemens bells, connies club burned down,
all was left was a poker screen and a picture of a clown (phil helm)
firemens bells firemens bells it got built agian,
with all the water the firemen left, a load of fish swam in.

*******************************************
You better watch out, you better not cry,
the Sporting Emporium will be closed tonight and you will not be told why.

**********************

Good Chief Bordy got knocked out, on a Wednesday evening,
he went home and drank some stout, he'd lost that winning feeling,
next day he came back agian, and played like the very same,
suddenly he found himself, back down in the laaane.

********************

Well hears those bad beats stories from blokes called Micky and Joe (ding aling a ling ding dong ding)
but's it's lovely weather when yer racing togerther with Joe (ding aling a ling ding dong ding)

*********************************

ionapaul

Seasonal haiku:

Holidays bring cash:
The cards call to us and say-
Its time to gambool

RoundTower

good work everyone, this reminds me of the last time I was meant to donate money to charity or possibly send it to someone, and never did, can someone find out the amount and I'll definitely do it?

ionapaul

Another Haiku or two cos they're so easy!:

1)
Too cold for live play?
Stay inside and go online
Fish even in winter

2)
Back home for the week
No poker and sprouts to eat
-A Christmas bad beat!


Those Christmas carol ones are cool, please post some more!

semibluff

anyone who feels festive after these funny verses could always donate to SSF

keep em coming guys

ionapaul

Last ones like this I promise, will try and do a proper carol later:

1)
The Chief's poker style:
Get the chips in when behind
Cos suckouts standard

2)
Emporium's girls
-Hot Polish chicks bring drinks and
improve scenary

3)
Big Slick against Queens:
Typical race, which will win?
Not me usually

4)
Are poker players
degenerates? Ask Halfbaked
on Sunday morning

5)
Macspower gets Aces
Hits set on flop, will he win?
Lol runner runner

YULETIRED

A spareceman called Eshan came here from afar, it was light years ago since he disembarked,
and he brought us a message for all us to hear, that trippie was a cheating and he was afraud

and just before dawn in cash game full of stars, Trippie did lie and miscalled his cards,
and Eshan went all crazy so mankind would hear, and he posted up his words ..though gritted teeth.

it went WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH!
WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH!
WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH!

Trippie is a cheating and he is afraud.


Control V is my friend.

DeadParrot

Brilliant

eagle eye

DeadParrot wrote: »

1st hand under the gun a 6h and a 4
he raised it up pot like so often before
5 callers there were when it came to the flop
2,5,3 came up and slowplaying he was not

He potted again, queitly confident with his rep
he get a few callers with 2 pair or a set
with 2 hearts on the board he was also a bit worried
of a heart on the turn and him being out again in a hurry

The turn came a seven, and also a heart
Reggie paled visibly and said check in the dark
Making no sense the other players were crushed
apart from one, hectorjelly, who said pot with a flush

Reggie thought deeply, about the night that he'd had
about how he saved christmas and how he'd earlier been sad
Now full of joy and feeling much prouder
he said call to try and hit his 1 outer

He closed his eyes as the river brought gasps from the crowd,
a magical 4, a straight flush, he exhaled loud.
He checked once again, and let HJ say pot
All-in he said instantly not caring a jot

As he scooped up the winnings he tipped the dealer a chip,
smiled wryly at Hector and gave him some lip
He skipped home some time later dreaming of hookers and coke
A real Christmas miracle, Cardshark, not broke

As he left the casino the wind started to blow
and he shivered a little as it started to snow
on the street a stranger he did meet
who offered him a game of heads up in the street

Well rolling good as he was cardshark agreed
and back into lukes he went at speed
first hand he got kk and all the money went in
but his opponent had aa and he was broke again

Happy christmas to you and hard luck said the winner
do you have enough for your christmas dinner
anyways i'm off I've a long way to go
before the roads get completely covered in snow

Hold on said cardshark you never gave me your name
so i know you the next time we have a game
Well i would like to tell you but it might leave you low
So maybe its better if i leave it so

For i am worried that if i tell you you'll think its a joke
or else it'll destroy you, you might even choke
well my mind's made up and i must dash
So i'll tell you the name its


Mr Flash

El Stuntman

ha an instant classic eagle eye!

DeadParrot

excellent eagle eye.
I was trying to buck the trend of these things though

kincsem

The first Noel

He was First Noel.
The experts did say,
Had no chance against the pros play
Well heeled where they play without any sleep
On the Las Vegas tables the stacks were so deep.
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
Born is the King of Hold ‘Em!

They looked up and saw a star
Shining in the East beyond them far
To the event he gave great fright
He bet and raised day and night.
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
The king who’s not been down our well

Noel Furlong, WSOP main event winner will be 70 on 25/12/07.

eagle eye

it was 03.45 and the stacks were deep
seven players at the table and none were asleep
BCB got aces which were unfortunately beat
the remaining players were delighted as they got to move round their seats

nicnicnic scanned the table and declared he would win
but he was forgetting his protege whose stack was still thin
an hour later from nowhere came nicky's roar
as he lost the last of his chips to the kid called valor

still there in the corner with a santa hoodie was halfbaked
he watched luckylloyd make a raise as his hand shaked
pocket 7's your holding was what he declared
I put you allin, im overpaired

Lloyd sat for a while and suddenly shouted call
but to his surprise halfbaked's pair was small
as the flop was dealt you could hear a yelp
as halfbaked delighted in getting some help

a set of 3's was the winner and lloyds night was done
as halfbaked delighted at having such fun
he thought to himself and got a little woodie
as he realised now he could afford a new hoodie

down to four only left now, valor, halfbaked and bomber
who was drunk as a lord and acting dumber
and the other ones name, he's a bit of a knob,
oh i remember it now, he's norwichfanrob

so rob raised it up and then bomber shoved
so rob called him down and bombers cards he loved
46 for the bomber.... nothing new for the masses
66 for rob who with disbelief wiped his glasses

no bad beats were reported and bomber never complained
valor, rob and halfbaked is now all that remained
as a chop was discussed a roar came from afar
as power told valor 'no deal you're the star'

three hands later the game was very near over
as valor took out halfbaked whose stack he did cover
the battle now commenced between the young and the older
with nicky power peering over valor's right shoulder

hectorjelly now appeared and reminded all of ev
clear off he was told by the now manic nicky
as rob shoved his lot in and valor called him down
ak for valor which brought rob to frown

for he knew he was dominated aq he was holding
its ok said nicky sure you were never folding
bcb came to the rail and requested those seated move over
but was quickly told he could get one in dover

king king king on the flop and nicky went wild
valor remained calm but at least he smiled
rob shook his hand and wished him all the best
the story goes on but you can make up the rest

hf4z6sqo7vjngi

LOL, poem of the year!!!

califano

Festive time comes
Players birds will be moms
Inept with a stack
Yet potent in the sack
Hard to believe as they wipe the snot with their slieve
Cannon fodder in the S.E
I think you’ll agree

Big Christmas tourneys we seek
To go and outplay the meek
For most this is a leak
The villain usually made of teak

The AL Lad ponders leaving the job
To persure what he thinks is an easy few bob
Lloyd comes in for some game time enjoyment
Tells Al to stick to gainful employment

Over the year theres certainly been drama
Not least the auld DonFaganorama
Unaware of the downstairs chat
Old Don still smelled a rat
Soon after the Don was out
The story was knocking about
Everyone eventually had their say
Old Don graciously let it lay

Then with the online riggin
Thank god for the players twiggin
We’ll get them its our mission
All top players under suspicion

The Trippie and Gholi feast
Eye opening ‘to say the least’
Ive got a straight
No you mucked them mate
Lets call for a ruling to decide our fate
Lookin back its kinda funny
I wonder how Gholi spent the money
Prolly a portion on a foreign honey
See i play low stakes im not a whale
But for me 3 grand is a lot of yale

Shortstack was really on the rack
To get the auld connection back
Newbies call for rake
That’s their big mistake
You see its called ‘Loyalty Scheme’
Now please start playing and live the dream
So after all the flack
He thinks I’ll offer a 50k stack
That will bring them back
And get me off the rack

the Poet’s batteries going low
Have you got it kid I need to go
To charge these walkman batteries you know
The kids dwells, then calls convinced he’s beat
Sorry kid I hit on 5th street
You’re a good player kid whats your name
My names –Oz- sir and I take full blame
Now excuse me sir while I call for a ruling
I take that back sir im just finding this gruelling
That’s a compliment sir and please take it like that
Now please excuse me while I get my coat and hat

nicnicnic

eagle eye wrote: »

it was 03.45 and the stacks were deep
seven players at the table and none were asleep
BCB got aces which were unfortunately beat
the remaining players were delighted as they got to move round their seats

nicnicnic scanned the table and declared he would win
but he was forgetting his protege whose stack was still thin
an hour later from nowhere came nicky's roar
as he lost the last of his chips to the kid called valor

still there in the corner with a santa hoodie was halfbaked
he watched luckylloyd make a raise as his hand shaked
pocket 7's your holding was what he declared
I put you allin, im overpaired

Lloyd sat for a while and suddenly shouted call
but to his surprise halfbaked's pair was small
as the flop was dealt you could hear a yelp
as halfbaked delighted in getting some help

a set of 3's was the winner and lloyds night was done
as halfbaked delighted at having such fun
he thought to himself and got a little woodie
as he realised now he could afford a new hoodie

down to four only left now, valor, halfbaked and bomber
who was drunk as a lord and acting dumber
and the other ones name, he's a bit of a knob,
oh i remember it now, he's norwichfanrob

so rob raised it up and then bomber shoved
so rob called him down and bombers cards he loved
46 for the bomber.... nothing new for the masses
66 for rob who with disbelief wiped his glasses

no bad beats were reported and bomber never complained
valor, rob and halfbaked is now all that remained
as a chop was discussed a roar came from afar
as power told valor 'no deal you're the star'

three hands later the game was very near over
as valor took out halfbaked whose stack he did cover
the battle now commenced between the young and the older
with nicky power peering over valor's right shoulder

hectorjelly now appeared and reminded all of ev
clear off he was told by the now manic nicky
as rob shoved his lot in and valor called him down
ak for valor which brought rob to frown

for he knew he was dominated aq he was holding
its ok said nicky sure you were never folding
bcb came to the rail and requested those seated move over
but was quickly told he could get one in dover

king king king on the flop and nicky went wild
valor remained calm but at least he smiled
rob shook his hand and wished him all the best
the story goes on but you can make up the rest

fcuken 6th again story of my year, good to see Valor finally get a cash in a donka though. ul rob

YULETIRED

COME ON CONNIE B KEANE, get scriobhing.

below from my fictious brother........

O holy night.
o holy crp the cards are finally coming,
IS this the game where luck turns around,
I get KK and raise it on the button,
I get reraised by the guy in big blind...

fall to my knees, does he have the ACES?
o lantern devine, I feel like crying, will his ass be mine,

I go all in. and he calls me with the duces,
I smile inside and look towards the stars..

Fall on my knees, the flop shows up a 2
O lantern devine, I feel like crying, his ass was mine,

I turn to leave, feeling quite dejected, until I hear
him say O Christ the turn.

Fall on my knees, inside i am rejoicing,
His aaass is mine, river a brick, o christ the turn...
o night devine, his ass is mine and now im flying,
o night devine, o christ the turn , o christ the turn..

kincsem

Stephen McLean's set of aces is rivered by quad kings at the Irish Open.

F***ing kings lucked out, | when they rivered Stephen,
When the table settled down, | the poor sod was leaving;
But we know he’ll bounce back soon, | tho' the loss was cruel,
When top set loses to quads, | its hard to keep your cool.


Cardshark has an eventful year

From the MGM to the Rio he trod, | the money they’d not binned it;
Reggie is an unlucky sod, | but they say Roundtower is minted.
The ginger poker man, found for sure, | no wealth in IT processing,
Ye who post on Cardshark broke, | "please, please stop the messing".


Dave Masters wants you to fold

"Try to run that hand by me, | when you should be folding,
Ponder peasant, can it be? | Air is what you’re holding?"
"Shure, I play a goodly game, | under my chip mountain;
When my A game is aflame, | I can’t even count them."


Exit

"Dire. My plight is darker now, | his hand is much stronger;
Failed my hearts, I’m dead now, | I have outs no longer."
"Dark my footsteps, off the stage. | Get to my car quickly:
Just my luck it’s pissing down, | this game really grieves me"

smurph

Jingle bells, Zito smells, smurph's on the Beer,
Oh how cool Hectors Looks,
and he thinks you’re queer
*******************************************
tis the season to be Jolly tra-la-la-la-la la la la
stuff the turkeys hole with holly tra-la-la-la-la la la la
********************************************

Only Joking, wine is lovurly.... Happy Christmas one and all

YULETIRED

and finally 1 last Christmas song.........whilst I'm still in the festive mood.

********************
Chrissy Hynes and the Celtic poker tour player. (ya have to know the song)
INTRO.
donk donk donk, donk, donk, donk, donk, donk, donk,
donk, donk, donk. donk, donk donk, donk donk donk,


He's come, come om om om om om, 200 miles ile ile ile iles,
to fish you,
He got 100s of Eur ur ooos, he's losing day by day....
and I hear people saying, it must be Christmas time.....
donk donk donk, donk, donk, donk, donk, donk, donk,
donk, donk, donk. 200 miles ile ile ile iles..for all his cash to blow.
donk donk donk, donk, donk, donk, donk, donk, donk,
donk, donk, donk. donk, donk donk, donk donk donk,

***********************

connie147

Ok.I'm not really in festive mood yet, but sure I'll give it a go anyway.

(To the tune of Jingle Bells)

Jingle bells,jingle bells,jingle all the way,
I just rivered a gutshot draw,my luck is here to stay, oh
Jingle bells,jingle bells,jingle all the way,
Oh what fun it is to play with fish both night and day!!

Dashing through the club,playing all kinds of sh1te,
Scoffing down the grub,3 betting it light,
Calling the all-ins,with just 2 overcards,
How come people keep telling me, that I am a retard, oh

Jingle bells,jingle bells,jingle all the way,
Im just back from Vegas and my roll is gone away, oh
Jingle bells,jingle bells,jingle all the way,
Whoever invented poker should be shot on Xmas day.


Easing it up now, we'll carry on to the tune of Silent Night!!

Silent night,Poker night,
How come Hectors always right,
Sorting out problems, is his only goal,
Though tourney players are a pain in the hole,
Hector the saviour is born,Hector the saviour is born.


Now a bit of Bing Crosbies "White Xmas"

I'm dreaming of a rich Christmas,
Just like the ones I've had before,
Where I stuck on home games,invited victims,
And cleaned them out then out the door,
I'm dreaming of a rich Christmas,
I think I'll play near every night,
May your cards be paintless and sh1te,
And may all my buy-ins be all right.



From one and all here in the Cue Club, a very happy and prosperous Xmas to all boardies and their families!!

Connie

Macspower

I've only seen this now... wd Willie welcome back......

I got a few mentions as well lolz....

Great stuff lads