friend's BF

Lollipops23

my friend's bf is doing my head in.He's spoiled, lazy,moody and everyone tip-toes around him as if afraid he's going to throw a tantrum at any minute. I seem to be the only one who won't take his crap.He's never liked me cos I satnd up for myself(my mate has actaully told me this is the reason)
He's dumped her twice for no real reason and, wanting to be a good friend, I've been the shoulder to cry on. The usual: "you're best off without him, you don't deserve this treatment" etc. Both times she ran straight back when he wanted her and she ignored all the advice and concern I'd expressed.
She's now mad at me for something my bf did(nothing bad, just meant things didn't go her bfs way for a change). What the hell do i do here????at my wits end with the pair of them.

Sephiroth_dude

Tell them both to grow up.

The Hill Billy

It sounds like there's a pair of them in it. Your mate's bf sounds like a real tosser that you don't need in your life. Your mate obviously can't see this & allows herself to be treated like dirt by him - repeatedly; then castigates you/your bf for not pandering to her precious tosser.

Cut the pair of them loose.

Lollipops23

much as i agree that i should cut them loose,it's kind of hard as we're all part of a big group of friendsmlive near eachother etc. it would put everyone elso in unfair and awkward positions.:(

biko

Try to limit contact with them/him but don't be rude. People will make stupid choices and get with wrong men. They will have to discover things for themselves.

humanji

Sit her down and tell her what you said here and then leave it with her. She should be the one worrying about her friend. If she isn't then forget about her. You don't have to blank her or anything. Be courtious to her and leave it at that. Don't go to any lengths to appease her or her boyfriend, but snapping at them will just make people think that you're the bad guy.

K_P

I agree. Only see them as part of your larger group of friends if you have to see them at all. You've been there for her as much as you can be so next time she needs a shoulder to cry on when he's acting the b****cks, be conveniently unavailable.

Sounds like they enjoy having all this drama in their lives and you don't. So simply leave them to it.

Miss Fluff

Lollipops23 wrote: »

She's now mad at me for something my bf did(nothing bad, just meant things didn't go her bfs way for a change). What the hell do i do here????at my wits end with the pair of them.

Butt out. Just stay out of any conversations to do with their relataionship. Next time they argue and she comes bitching and moaning to you just tell her you're not interested in discussing it and she should talk to someone else about it. Simple.

21stone

i agree with miss fluff

just say u aint interested full stop,change the subject and move on

Overheal

Also agree with Fluff. She's not going to sort out anything in her life if she keeps needing to look for a shoulder to cry on. Thats what children do: they look for their parents to help them or they look for they're friends to sort them out. She needs to find herself alone and helpless for a while before she will stand up and act. Its the only way any of us ever get off our ass and become Adult.

Lollipops23

thanks for all the good advice. I find it hard to ignore her when she's that upset as she has been through a lot before she even met the jackass she's with now.I think that's left me all the more protective of her, and not wanting her to learn things the hard way. But it's him i really object to.Even if it wasn't this particular friend he was with I'd still hate his guts.I'm really afraid that one day he's going to snap(he has a history of being violent, although never towards a girl) and lose the plot completely.

Miss Fluff

Quite easy to train her OP. Next time she does it just tell her you have been there before and seeing as your advice has not helped in the past you don't feel in a position to help her. It's quite straightforward really. You sure you are not jealous in some way?

Lollipops23

Miss Fluff wrote: »

You sure you are not jealous in some way?

No I'm not jealous in any way. In fact, there's be no one happier than me if he started treating her right and being a nicer person in general.I'm blissfully happy with my own Bf by the way, I'm not trying to detract from any problems I'm having in my own life.

Electric

It kinda sounds like you like that she cries on your shoulder and the attention you get from it?

It strikes me that she hasn't learned to stand on her own two feet mainly cos people don't allow her to. There's always a shoulder to cry on so there's no need to deal with issues.

If there wasn't then she would probably have grown up before now.

I agree with Miss Fluff's advice. The next time there is an issue explain that you have given all the advice that you can give and she will make of it what she will.

Constantly propping her up will do her no good in the long run. She has to learn to fend for herself.