What excuse to give to flatmates?

LegacyUser

Hey guys, going unreg for this...

Right, I recently moved appartments about 2 weeks ago, staying with 3 other guys, there all really nice, really funny,welcoming and id already nearly label them as mates (we get on well).

The thing is, im going through a dark patch in my life at the moment , no confidence, lack of self esteem, putting on weight and i think i have a small bit of social phobia also.

They have asked me out for a few drinks the odd time but I either said I was busy with college or no money, something like that, 90% they were genuine excuses. My question is, is there anything that I could say to them without spilling all the beans, telling them of my insecurities etc when they ask me out and not sound like I dont want to go out with them?

I mean, id love to, but my head isnt in the right place at the moment.I can't keep saying "no sorry, ive loads of college work to do" and I only tell this white lie to protect whats really bothering me.

I dont think im comfortable telling them about my problems yet as its still early days in the place and dont want them to think differently of me....

Does anyone have any advice?

thanks

angelicsaz

what i would really be askin is why wont i go out with them?!!!

as u said you would label them as nice and you get on well with them.....
maybe gettin out of the house, havin a few drinks, having a laugh gettin to know them better will benifit you more then staying in by yourslef??? it will be hard at first, but the only way to get over stuff is to just do it??? your not gonna be able to move on, unless ya 'face your demons' so to speak.
you never know they might turn out to become amazing friends and in time you can open up to them.
I really dont think making up excuses just to keep them happy is any good, after all your lying to yourself as well.
whats the worst that can happen??? go have fun!!!!!!!

LegacyUser

thanks angelica,

I know I should do that, its just the last time i forced myself to go out, I had a horrible claustraphobic feeling inside, my heart raced beyond a comfortable level and I had to leave the pub, the horrible thing is , is that a year ago i went out all the time and Im a real peoples person...but so much has changed that person has re-tracted back inside and its close enough to impossible to retrieve it back until my weight is lost....

I think i need to hit that on the head before any other progress is made....

Miss Fluff

You're suffering from anticipated anxiety. Next time you go into a pub you have convinced youself it will happen again. Why don't you go and have a get-out clause? Go to the pub and have a couple of drinks and say that you can only stay an hour because you have other commitments of some sort. An hour is a good start and if you do feel uncomfortable you won't feel trapped etc. You owe it to yourself to go out and make an effort. You're not going to lose weight sitting at home and being miserable and your weight is an excuse you are using to stop you getting on with your life. It will get to the stage where you may begin to isolate yourself and they stop asking you. They are offering you a hand of friendship. Grab it with both hands. This is a clean slate for you and an opportunity to start afresh. Go out for a couple of bevvies, no pressure, an hour will not kill you, and see how you get on.

angelicsaz

right im gonna be honest here. forgive any harshness.
'your the one that makes your life, so ya might as well make it a good one'
your the only one that can turn your life around, you cant sit wait and wish for it all to change or go back to the way it was. speaking from expeirence I know. and im sorry but saying you have to lose weight to become your former slef isnt true. fair enough its gettin you down and etc but you shouldnt let it rule your life..... i had bulimia for 3 years, and at the end of it all i realised i was stupid for lettin my body and my brain control how i felt about myslef for so long.
take charge. eat right, excercise. go out and ride out the panick, the only way your gonna get through it..... its hard but it has to be done....... the only way your gonna get over this dark patch is if you find the light. the switch is right under your nose.

Susannahmia

If I were you I would pay a visit to the doctor, sounds like you are a little depressed. I know someone that left their social phobia and depression untreated for years, got help and never looked back. Their only regret was that they didnt get it sorted earlier. Don't make the same mistake.

Mulan

Its 5 O Clock. Get on the tracksuit and the runners and go for a walk or a run. You'll feel a lot better about yourself. Then make a few plans or a program for getting into shape again. Take your time , just get the feelgood factor going. Believe you can. Write down your problems and tackle them one by one. Small wins is what you need.

Ask one of the lads to join you for the walks etc. If you feel good then have a chat. Don't bottle it up.

Go on then, get the runners

Well done

how are you?

i went through bouts of depression and mild social phobia.

EXERCSE changed all that.it will be hard at first but u will never look back!!!!!






GO 4 dat run/walk!!!!!!

Mulan

Well done to you.
A healthy body helps the mind.

Regards

skelliser

OP you gotta nip this in the bud now because believe you me it will only get worse.
from your post im sensing your a bit depressed and anxious, hence your withdrawing away from the outside world, because you dont want to face these anxious feeling.
go to the doctor and tell him whats goin on, maybe suggest if he knows a counsellor.
and yes gets some exercise.
each journey starts with small steps
if ya want to pm me feel free

gerry99

i agree with wat both the last 2 people had 2 say !!!! healthy body does wonders 4 the mind , and also your self esteem !!!! when u feel like u hav overcome this lil bout of darkness try and chat with 1 of the housemates and explain that you've been thru some difficulties!! if they are as u describe them im sure they will understand!!!!!