Too much stress.

LegacyUser

Hi all. This is more a rant than anything else but I just really need to get it off my chest. I'm currently living out of the country but am moving home on Friday. I've been here for 4 months. Since I came I've only seen my family and boyfriend once and now that I'm so close to going home I've gotten really homesick, which I think is understandable.

I'm also under a lot of stress but when I say it to my friends, family or boyfriend they just say 'Oh don't be silly, you're going home in a few days, why are you being so stressed?'. Well let's think shall we? I have to move from one country to another, by myself. It took two people to get me here and now I have to face getting back on my own. I have very little money and that's worrying me. I am seriously in debt, owe my parents money and have to pay my rent on another flat when I get home. I've also been sick for the past 2 weeks and the doctor's can't figure out what's wrong. I'm facing spending my last few days here in hospital. I've found the past four months here very stressful and while that isn't my family's fault I just someone to say 'Yes, I understand why you're stressed, don't worry it'll all be ok' instead of 'oh, don't be stupid, you have nothing to be stressed about, I had to put the Christmas decorations up today - now THAT'S stress'.

I know I sound like a moany cow but I'm just so sick of everyone telling me I'm stupid for being stressed and homesick. I'd like to see them dealing everything I had to deal with. I was diagnosed with depression right before I got here and had to forgo counselling to come here but everyone's keen to forget that little fact too. I just want some sympathy that's all. I just want them to say that I'm not stupid and they appreciate why I'm upset.

LegacyUser

hey there, I can understand why you are so stressed out, you sound like you are going though a lot, both in the past 4 months and this week with the move etc. I know you just want your family to give you a little support, and are annoyed at how they are responding, but I rekcon they are just trying to cheer you up but not saying the right things. IMO, they are trying to cheer you up with things like "you'll be home soon try not to worry", which they probably think is going to give you hope and a sense of relief that your move home is so soon. I know all you want is a simple "I get how stressed you are, the move will be a hassle, I know you're sick, and missing everyone, and these last few days must be tough on you".

I think people just try to "solve" people's problems rather than just listening to them when they need to vent, and offering sympathy. They do have your interests at heart, and are trying to cheer you up with reminders that you will be home soon.

You're not stupid for being stressed and homesick. Far from it, most people would be in your position. Next time someone tells you to stop stressing, maybe just say to them that youd prefer if they could just listen to you getting it off your chest rather than telling you to buck up and stop stressing, that it'd mean more to you that they just provide an ear for you to vent a little. I think it's just in people's nature to try to make light of a situation and spur you on with thoughts of "you'll be home soon", to try and make you feel better, when all you want sometimes is to rant a little and have someone say "I get it, I get why you are stressed, and I am here for you to talk to about it, you need to vent, but don't worry, it'll work out soon".

make sure when you do get home that you follow up on treatment for your illness, and also try to get some counselling for your depresion, don't leave it slide. Things will seem brighter when you're back home among familiar faces, but for now feel free to rant a little, even if it's only here on this forum. :-) Good luck with the move, I hope you get through it without too much hassle, it must be tough to be facing such an upheaveal.

thecleverone

now that I'm so close to going home I've gotten really homesick, which I think is understandable

Absolutely, that is so understandable. Once you are home, that feeling will go away which is one less thing to worry about.

but when I say it to my friends, family or boyfriend they just say 'Oh don't be silly, you're going home in a few days, why are you being so stressed?'. Well let's think shall we?

Instead of thinking about it, why not outline why exactly you are feeling stressed. Unless they know why you're stressed, they will not be able to help.

I have to move from one country to another, by myself. It took two people to get me here and now I have to face getting back on my own

Would you not say this to them and see if someone could possibly help you move back home? If not, try to get rid of any unnecessary possessions that you are possibly "hoarding" as that may lighten the load.

I am seriously in debt, owe my parents money and have to pay my rent on another flat when I get home.

Explain to your parents that until you are settled back into a job here that you may not be able to pay them back. Alternatively, maybe spread the payments out over a few months to alleviate some of the stress.

In relation to paying rent on another flat when you get home, would it be a possibility that you could stay with your parents for a couple of months until you are financially stable?

I've also been sick for the past 2 weeks and the doctor's can't figure out what's wrong. I'm facing spending my last few days here in hospital.

As awful as staying in hospital is, at least the doctors may be able to figure out whats wrong with you while you are in hospital. Being so stressed could aggrevate any illness that you may/may not have so i would suggest instead of worrying about all these things, you try to relax while in hospital which will get you in a better frame of mind to deal with any stresses dealing with moving home.

I just someone to say 'Yes, I understand why you're stressed, don't worry it'll all be ok' instead of 'oh, don't be stupid, you have nothing to be stressed about

Again, if you let them know why you are feeling so stressed, they might not be so dismissive.

I was diagnosed with depression right before I got here and had to forgo counselling to come here

Make sure you look into counselling when you get home again. It would be well worth it and will help you cope with everything that is stressing you out. Stress could be contributing to your depression.

I hope all works out for you. I really do. Keep your chin up chick and if you need a sympathetic ear, just hit the PM button.

Cathmandooo

+1 for what 'goodluck' and 'thecleverone' has said.

We can totally see that you're under stress and every little thing that is happening is just adding to all your problems.

I travelled home from a holiday in Florida a few weeks ago and I was really really nervous about it because i thought I'd have to collect my baggage in my stopover airport and manage it myself. As it turned out I didnt have to but I can only imagine what it's like to bring 4 months worth of stuff home with you by yourself! Can you get some of it shipped over instead? I know this might be expensive though

If you explain everything as a whole, like you've done here, to your boyfriend and family then I'm sure they'd understand you much better.

Make a big effort to get any outstanding problems you have fixed the minute you get home, that's very important for your own sake. Hope you feel better soon and best of luck with the move.

Miss Fluff

You sound completely overwhelmed OP. Now just try and take a step back and deal with every problem one by one. If you have lived there on your own I can assure that travelling back on your own will be a walk in the park. If money is worrying you, can't you ask you family/BF/friends to wire you with enough to leave you comfortable for your trip home? You will be fine. Are you still in hospital?

Lollipops23

you poor thing.I'd be just as stressed as you if i had to cope with all that alone.I'd say your family are A) really missing you and just dying to see you and trying to keep on the bright side.Like maybe they're afraid you'll get really upset as soon as they sympathise with you.

But try and see what an opportunity moving home could be. It could be a brand new beginning for you, a new place, new job etc

Also, please see someone about your depression. This can't be swept under the carpet and you can't deal with it on your own. I'd say that the reason for people's lack of discussion of it is because they maybe hoped that moving away and the new job would take your mind off it and let you move on.Try not to be too hard on your family and BF, they're probably dying to see you and have missed you like mad!!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your kind replies. I ended up getting very annoyed at my boyfriend on Saturday over all of this and we had a long conversation about the way I'm feeling. At the moment I'm trying to just keep telling myself 'everything will work out' over and over. I also went to the doctor on Monday who figured out that I had run out of antidepressants earlier in the week. The abrupt stop sent me into withdrawal which is why I had no physical symptoms for feeling sick. It's also why I had such high anxiety. I am back on my medication and feeling a lot better. I just wish I had been able to see a doctor sooner and bypass all of this! Thanks again for all your kind words.

NextSteps

I moved countries before, and it's seriously stressful. Especially lugging stuff through airports, and trying to finalise every little thing. I find making lists (and crossing things off) keeps me on the level. Good luck with it. Have a cuppa now and then!

cowzerp

toostressed wrote: »

I also went to the doctor on Monday who figured out that I had run out of antidepressants earlier in the week. .

Did you not realise this yourself? serious question-:eek:
great to hear your feeling better.