Girlfriend becomes sore during sex!

LegacyUser

hi all,

heres the problem:
when me and my Girlfriend have sex or even mess about i.e when i finger her or go down on her, she becomes sore down below... This is really begining to get to me as it never happened with anybody else I've been with. But when it happens, we end up stopping whatever we're doing and my head is just all over the place after it. I ussually try to hide how dissippointed i am when we stop but last week when it happened, She knew something was up with me after it and I told her I feel really bad about it. She told me she loves what i do to her and now she thinks it's her fault for been too sensitive when, realistically it's my fault. I don't think it's because I'm too rough with her as it happens when i use just my tongue.


I just don't know what to do about it. We only get to see each other at weekends because of work and college and because we see very little of each other we don't do stuff every weekend as we don't want to be getting into a routine so to speak. we like to do different things when we see each other (kinda make the most of the precious time we get to see each other). We're going with over a year and this has been happening since we started doing stuff.


Any advice on how to fix this??

Saruman

One word... lube

smooth operater

Saruman wrote: »

One word... lube

Amen

hullaballoo

It could be something else; some sort of medical problem. Get her to see a doctor about it. It could just be a case of using lube, or it could be something like thrush. It's important to get it checked out either way.

Lux23

All women get sore during sex sometimes, the best solution as the other posters have said is lube.

Marksie

Lubricant is certainly an option.
But could you describe rough?
Some women are incredibly sensitive and even a tongue can be used in too hard a fashion.
Have you tried talking to her during lovemaking and asking how it feels, too hard too fast etc?

Start with the gentlest strokes possible, and take it from there (butterfly strokes..extremely light flutterings).
Is it a particular area, in which case move away and explore aniother area.

If she tells you before she gets sore it would be better as you can then be guided by her responses.

The fact that she only notices by the look on your face would indicate that she isnt communicating.
But you may be able to tell by the way her body respnds. and change stroke yourself.
If in doubt ask .

McSween

is it my fault wrote: »

hi all,

heres the problem:
when me and my Girlfriend have sex or even mess about i.e when i finger her or go down on her, she becomes sore down below...

I don't think it's because I'm too rough with her as it happens when i use just my tongue.

contradiction? which is it?

LegacyUser

Saruman wrote: »

One word... lube

We've used Durex tingle gel but as far as i can remember, she still got sore after using that. What's the best lube to use? Is it KY Jelly or the Durex sensation range? other?

hullaballú wrote: »

It could be something else; some sort of medical problem. Get her to see a doctor about it. It could just be a case of using lube, or it could be something like thrush. It's important to get it checked out either way.

I don't really want to suggest to her to go to a doctor over it. she'll feel worse then she already does. I think I'll suggest the lube.

Marksie wrote: »

But could you describe rough?

like going really fast with fingers or tongue or dick. Obviously not straight away. like when she's really wet and really enjoying it. she seems to enjoy it more when i do it and she says she does but she seems to get sore after a while.

McSween wrote: »

contradiction? which is it

when i use both.
what i meant was that I'm really gentle with my tongue but she still seems to become sore even if i just use my tongue

TEH REAL CDP

She could be just very sensitive. I'd advise seeing a doctor, she could be tight - her hymen may be impeeding intercourse. This is a very easy proceedure, just see a doctor together and you'll be having fun in no time.

Best of luck.

Seraphina

i dunno about her, but i have a very sensitive clit and i do NOT like too much direct stimulation. i prefer more variation. some guys see the clit and think there's nothing else to it than rubbing away furiously. seriously, even too much tongue action is irritating some time.

try making sure you're not licking/rubbing the same spot all the time, vary it lots, move around and give her a break every now and again to kiss her/play with her nipples or something. i would also avoid the tingle lube for that reason, i personally didn't like the stuff at all, just get some normal KY or something water based, dont bother with any of the 'sensation' stuff.

Marksie

is it my fault wrote: »

We've used Durex tingle gel but as far as i can remember, she still got sore after using that. What's the best lube to use? Is it KY Jelly or the Durex sensation range? other?

Oww think about what durex tiungle actually does... it increases sensitivity!!!!!! i am not surprised
juts a neutral lube.

is it my fault wrote: »

like going really fast with fingers or tongue or dick. Obviously not straight away. like when she's really wet and really enjoying it. she seems to enjoy it more when i do it and she says she does but she seems to get sore after a while.

Now there we come to it. Going really fast is excatly what i thought you would say and the pressure?
Now I would stroke slowly and i mean slowly and lightly at the beginning.

Its not a race. I may make gentle vibrating strokes but the whole aim is not to sensitise too quickly or else you will get juts what you have described.

I have found its entirely possible if you know her responmse and are willing to explore the areas that the clitoris does not get versesnitised and multiple clitoral orgasms are the ersult.

UI am assuming now you concentrate on teh clitoris...what about eh groove in between that and the vagine, the labia and also a finger l;ightly run out side the vaginal opening, but not inside.
Pont ios speed doesnt necessarily do it.
yoiu have to guage.

is it my fault wrote: »

.
what i meant was that I'm really gentle with my tongue but she still seems to become sore even if i just use my tongue

But fast...

is it my fault wrote: »

This is really begining to get to me as it never happened with anybody else I've been with.

Now this is something else i think should be addressed.
You will be surprised how many men (and women) say that.

Its important to realsie that ever partner is different and that every woman is unique in her response.

Go right back and look again at that. What works for the others doesnt work here. Thats a basic principle... learn about your lover as if she was the first one you ever had

Oryx

Is she just sore while youre touching her, or is she a bit raw after too?

If its the latter, definitely check out causes like thrush.


Otherwise, what Marksie said.

LegacyUser

I've been having the same problem with my girlfriend and was going to start a thread about it. My girlfriend gets sore from anything really and stays sore for about a day- she says it's sometimes unbearable and hard to sit down the next day- this applys to fingering and licking.

The differance is though it's not like that after sex- she doesn't feel sore the next day and sometimes she'd really want sex just to get rid of the pain of fingering or licking from the night before.

I don't think the solution is lube or that she is too tight- she is always really wet and has said she has been like this with every partner.

I'm definately not being rough as the OP expressed also, if anything i'm being too gentle and only using one finger as i don't want to make her sore.

She said she want's to see a doctor and i told her it might be a good idea. Does this sound like it's Trush?

Susannahmia

Saruman wrote: »

One word... lube

+1

However she might be dry and sore because of thrush, happened to me before so get that checked out if it is you have to be treated too as you will give it back to her.

Also are you using condoms? She might be allergic to latex or the spermacide. I'm allergic myself and it gets really sore really quick. Try switching to non latex or if you are committed and trust that she will be responsible you could consider going for an sti test together and switching to the pill maybe?

Dryness wouldn't really be a problem if you were using your tongue though. Are you focusing too directly on the clit? Its better to stimulate around it not the tip of the clitoris that isn't covered by the foreskinny bit. NEVER TOUCH THE TIP! It hurts. It could be making her really oversensitive.

Pythia

If you have bad thrush, sex is just a nightmare. So painful and raw.
Make sure you both get treated for thrush as it can be on your penis as well, so if you don't clear yourself, you'll reinfect her.

Thrush products can be bought over the counter.

Dudess

I wouldn't just say "lube" and leave it at that. Foreplay is what I would place an emphasis on - tons and tons and tons of it. The naturally occuring lube that is a result of arousal is far better than just lobbing on/in a bit of jelly when she's not aroused! She may not be relaxed enough either. What about having a couple of glasses of wine before sex (when you can). I'm not advocating getting pissed or anything, but just a glass or two to help calm her.

stratospheres

Having similar problems I'm grand when my bf goes down on me but if he tries anymore its too painful and we still haven't had sex because of this
If anyone has a solution let us know?!
Anyway I'm hoping that when he's living here we'll have more time to try and maybe then go to the doctor if necessary...