Am i too young to start a family?

LegacyUser

hi
recently i have been thinking about life and i think i want to start trying for a baby in da next yr or 2, im only 24 and feel i am still too young because im still at the begining of my career,and i know my boyfriend would prefer to wait till he is in his 30s to have a kid, but i find myself thinking about it alot.
i know every ones situation is different, but what age do you think the 'ideal' age to have a child is? or does any one regret starting their family young?

Thanks

Lollipops23

believe it or not, physically the "ideal" age to have a baby is the late teens!but if your boyfriend is not ready than you've no choice but to wait. and you need to ask yourself if it fits into your plan for the nest few years, like are you in college?if not are you in a stable job with decent enough money?all this needs to be taken into account.

cazzy

I dont think 24 is too young if that s what you want to do. Better than starting when you're 34 and finding that you're much older than your children. Dont want to look like the granny at the school graduation.
If kids is what you want and you feel like you have done everything you want to do before then (travel etc is harder to do with kids) then I don t think its young.
I also hear from colleages of mine that have grown up kids that they said they found it muh easier to deal with kids when they were in their 20's/early 30's - that after this they got more tired and just found it more difficult - getting up in night, dealing with demands of babies etc.
You want to make sure the bf wants the same though.

moco

You're very young still. I know loads of people have babies at your age and younger and cope very well but I think your boyfriend's right for wanting to wait. Once you have a baby your life will never be the same! Give yourself another few years of freedom, make some more money and make sure you;re financially stable before you start. I think most girls feel broody every now and again but in reality bringing up a baby is very hard so make sure you;re more stable in every way.

Are you not planning to get married first?

PeakOutput

from a different perspective. my parents had me when they were 23/24 and i much prefer the fact my parents are late 40's to late 50's like most of my friends parents are

How Strange

there's no ideal age. My parents and those of my friends were only 20 or 21 when they started having kids. Some people don't feel ready at 24, 29 or 35.

OP, it really is your personal decision but you have to bear in mind that if your bf isn't ready then you may have to wait a few years.

Rb

I'll just echo what everyone else has said.

Your boyfriend isn't ready, you'll either have to wait 'til he is or go find someone else. Forcing the issue will result in you being single and therefore completely unable to conceive, so relax, there's plenty of time left.

JuliusCaesar

cazzy wrote: »

Better than starting when you're 34 and finding that you're much older than your children. Dont want to look like the granny at the school graduation.

Had my first child at 35. When she started school, most other mothers were around my age. The young ones stood out like a sore thumb. Benefits of having kids later: you've more resources - money, wisdom (some!), patience, and you don't feel the need to go out socially as much. You also are much more your own person. Of course it was a middle class area and most of the mothers had college and established careers. Sleep deprivation was a killer but on the other hand I was fit physically. I don't think anyone gets through 2 years of baby/toddler and being woken twice a night without some sleep deprivation.

lezizi

I just had my first baby and i am 22, my boyfriend is 26.
For me i felt it was the right time, i wanted to have kids young, i was fully qualified in what i work as so i always have a job to go back to, my boyfriend is in his 2nd year in college, he went back as a mature student.
We don't own our house but we are finacially able to have a baby without needing to work everyday. I stay at home with the baby, which was my choice they are only small once and i dont want to work full time and have limited time with my son, but when he gets older i will.
There is nothing wrong with having a baby at your age if your ready to make the sacrafices it takes to have a baby, so i say go for it, it's the best thing i ever done and i wouldnt change it for the world, but it is not all plain sailing and it is a huge life change.

empirix

lezizi wrote: »

I just had my first baby and i am 22, my boyfriend is 26.
For me i felt it was the right time, i wanted to have kids young, i was fully qualified in what i work as so i always have a job to go back to, my boyfriend is in his 2nd year in college, he went back as a mature student.
We don't own our house but we are finacially able to have a baby without needing to work everyday. I stay at home with the baby, which was my choice they are only small once and i dont want to work full time and have limited time with my son, but when he gets older i will.
There is nothing wrong with having a baby at your age if your ready to make the sacrafices it takes to have a baby, so i say go for it, it's the best thing i ever done and i wouldnt change it for the world, but it is not all plain sailing and it is a huge life change.

yeah right luv - mistakes happen! glad its working out!

lezizi

empirix wrote: »

yeah right luv - mistakes happen! glad its working out!

Dont be so condesending when you clearly don't know my situation.
Ya mistakes happen, are you trying to imply that what happened me was a mistake?
Of course it is working out, Im in a stable commited relationship, with a beautiful son who i chose to have, so why wouldnt it be working out.

Marksie

Empirix: deal with the OP issues. You have been on boards long enough to know that

BrandonBlock

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Had my first child at 35. When she started school, most other mothers were around my age. The young ones stood out like a sore thumb. Benefits of having kids later: you've more resources - money, wisdom (some!), patience, and you don't feel the need to go out socially as much. You also are much more your own person. Of course it was a middle class area and most of the mothers had college and established careers. Sleep deprivation was a killer but on the other hand I was fit physically. I don't think anyone gets through 2 years of baby/toddler and being woken twice a night without some sleep deprivation.

Yes there are financial/emotional/etc advantages, but the risk of birth defects and down syndrome kinda overshadows any advantages having a child at that age has.

Down syndrome affects people of all races and economic levels. Women aged 35 and older have an increased risk of having a child with Down syndrome. A 35 year old woman has a 1 in 400 chance of conceiving a child with the syndrome, and this chance increased gradually to 1 in 110 by the age of 40. At age 45 the incidence becomes approximately 1 in 35.

antodeco

Well OP, I was 21 when my daughter was born. Im now just 26, and I wouldnt change it for the world. Yes, sometimes I feel like I would have prefered to sort out a house first, but hey, these things happen. Ive always wanted a child from mid to late teens. If having a child is what you want, then talk to your bf about it. You dont want to keep leaving it, until it builds up too much inside you, and you end up resenting your bf for not giving you a child. As others have said, you will need to have a look at your life plans, and unfortunatley, if you want a child, then you have to make a decision with regards your BF. I love my daughter and Im glad I had her early. Im now a single father, and whilst I can feel "trapped" sometimes because all my mates are out on the lash, I know that I am able to spend good quality time with her, because I am young and I dont have too many financial burderns in my life.

Miss Fluff

wanababy wrote: »

hi
recently i have been thinking about life and i think i want to start trying for a baby in da next yr or 2, im only 24 and feel i am still too young because im still at the begining of my career,and i know my boyfriend would prefer to wait till he is in his 30s to have a kid, but i find myself thinking about it alot.

Surely if it's something you want to do now and your BF clearly doesn't then you need to sit down and discuss it pretty soon?

embee

wanababy wrote: »

hi
recently i have been thinking about life and i think i want to start trying for a baby in da next yr or 2, im only 24 and feel i am still too young because im still at the begining of my career,and i know my boyfriend would prefer to wait till he is in his 30s to have a kid, but i find myself thinking about it alot.
i know every ones situation is different, but what age do you think the 'ideal' age to have a child is? or does any one regret starting their family young?

Thanks

The "ideal" age in biological terms to have children is in your late teens. After that, the decision on when to have children is a hugely personal one. Some people want kids in their 20's, some people are thinking 30's, some people don't want any children at all.

You did say your boyfriend doesn't want kids until he's in his 30's... Unless he compromises you'll have to wait. The "right" time to have a baby (in terms of finances, career, relationship or home situation etc) doesn't exist. You will always have to make compromises of some sort when you become a parent. I'm a mother of 1 - had my daughter when I was just gone 25. It is great and I wouldn't change it for the world, but it is a massive life change and I have had to compromise a lot to give her what she needs.

LegacyUser

hi, i found out i was pregnant the day before i got my leaving cert results. it was a shock and a kick up the ass but i dealt with it. i know have a beautiful little 6yr old girl who is the light of my life, i had to work damn hard to get where i am today. i worked full time while i was pregnant, studied at night, worked weekends, sat my first college exams in december pregnant and sat second lot in june with a 2 month old to look after,

it didnt work out with her biological father, we havent heard from him in over 4 years,

but her dad is brilliant, together we have worked hard to own our own home, are saving like mad and planning on getting married. but as for starting a family again, he knows i wont until i have the ring on my finger.
this is because i got burnt badly and as much as i adore and love him i believe that marriage is more than a slip of paper, its a declaration of love infront of family friends and whatever god you believe in of your intentions of love fidelity and honour to each other.

sit down with your bf, there is no right time to have a child, there will always be some financial commitment as a stumbling block, but really talk about how commited you are too each other, do you plan on getting married, when do you see that happening etc. where will you live, rent or buy, can you get approval for a mortgage. these are the things that you need to decide on before bringing a child into an uncertain future.

littlebug

cazzy wrote: »

I dont think 24 is too young if that s what you want to do. Better than starting when you're 34 and finding that you're much older than your children. Dont want to look like the granny at the school graduation.
If kids is what you want and you feel like you have done everything you want to do before then (travel etc is harder to do with kids) then I don t think its young.
I also hear from colleages of mine that have grown up kids that they said they found it muh easier to deal with kids when they were in their 20's/early 30's - that after this they got more tired and just found it more difficult - getting up in night, dealing with demands of babies etc.
You want to make sure the bf wants the same though.

I had my two at 32 and 34.. and believe it or not I look completely normal at the school gates. Most of the other mothers are in their 30s and some are in their 40s.

That said I do agree somewhat with your second point. Energy wise I did feel a HUGE depletion by the time I had my second child and haven't regained it I do sometimes think I would love another one but a) don't think I could handle the lack of sleep all over again (we make notoriously bad sleepers!). If I'd started even two years younger things might've been different but then I hadn't met the right man ....but then the children I have wouldn't be the children I have :eek: ok I won't go down that particular trail of thought..

It's all irrelevant if the OP's BF isn't ready.... if you have decided that you are "life" partners then maybe it's worth seeing if you could agree on a time frame so you don't let this fester at your relationship in any way.

Dreamer 7

I found out i was pregnant in my last of my degree, HUGE shock. Had my son and completed my finals 8 weeks later, my daughter came along 14 months later. So I was a mother of 2 at 21 and boy was it a reality check. It is very very hard on your relationship first of all, it needs to be a stable secure relationship before you even start trying for a baby. now Im 26 my kids are 4 and 5, I couldnt be happier with my man and my little family. I'm so glad I have all the hard stuff over and done with and would hate to get to 30 or so and only starting then. My kids and I have such a laugh together and we are very close, I would recommend having kids young but make sure Dad really is into it too, coz for me family needs Mam and Dad, but thats just my opinion

How Strange

what's with all the 'don't leave it til you're too old i.e. 30!' quotes. I think the average age for having kids now is 30 or 31. I don't necessarily see that as old.

Personally, getting pregnant in my 20's would have been horrific for me and I know for certain that I would have had an abortion. I had things I wanted to achieve and a child wasn't one of them. I'm in my early 30's now and I still haven't heard that ticking clock yet but if I got pregnant now I'd have it simply because I'm financially more secure to raise a child.

I think it really doesn't matter what age you are - there are lots and lots of children and adults who have mothers who gave birth over 40 because they got caught out when they thought they were past it.

The most important thing about becoming a parent is that you are selfless enough to put that child before your own needs and to be capable of loving it with all your heart. Age is irrelevant. Some are better in their 20's and some aren't ready until their 30's and some decide its not for them.

Dudess

OP, why exactly do you want so much to have a baby? I would think it's quite unusual for a 24-year-old to be so adamant about becoming a mother. Maybe I'm wrong. Are these feelings symptomatic of anything else - e.g. compensation for your own family life as a kid (not making assumptions, just putting it out there)? As others have said, if your boyfriend's not ready, what more can we say? It's up to you to discuss it with him. But if he doesn't change his mind, there's nothing you can do, short of telling him you're on the pill when you're not - and obviously that's completely unethical.
24 isn't too young to start a family if that's what you want though. My mum was that age, but those were different times too (early 70s). Just be sure you've achieved everything you want to achieve that cannot be done once you become a parent. Having a baby is wonderful - I see the joy it's bringing my mate - but obviously such hard work.

cazzy wrote: »

I dont think 24 is too young if that s what you want to do. Better than starting when you're 34

Yeah cos 34 - wow that's so OLD!!! It's pretty much the same as 74 - there's only a 40-year gap! :rolleyes:

and finding that you're much older than your children.

Dont want to look like the granny at the school graduation.

Yeah that's SUCH a good reason for having kids younger. I mean you'd be in your EARLY FIFTIES at the graduation!!! How horribly decrepit you'd be...

PeakOutput wrote: »

from a different perspective. my parents had me when they were 23/24 and i much prefer the fact my parents are late 40's to late 50's like most of my friends parents are

Why? My mum and dad are in their early 60s and there's actually a HUGE difference (about 30 years) between them and my 90-year-old grandmother.

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Had my first child at 35. When she started school, most other mothers were around my age. The young ones stood out like a sore thumb. Benefits of having kids later: you've more resources - money, wisdom (some!), patience, and you don't feel the need to go out socially as much. You also are much more your own person.

That's the way I feel - I'm not even gonna THINK about having kids til my mid 30s.

Sleep deprivation was a killer but on the other hand I was fit physically. I don't think anyone gets through 2 years of baby/toddler and being woken twice a night without some sleep deprivation.

Oh no! If you have a kid at 21 and you have loads of broken sleep it doesn't make any difference to you because you're so young - you just leap out of bed full of energy - unlike if you were a decrepit 36-year-old... :rolleyes:
In fact the older you get, the less sleep you need - elderly people only need about two or three hours' sleep so I don't know where this gem that older people need more sleep comes from.

empirix wrote: »

yeah right luv - mistakes happen! glad its working out!

:eek: Vicious...

How Strange wrote: »

what's with all the 'don't leave it til you're too old i.e. 30!' quotes. I think the average age for having kids now is 30 or 31. I don't necessarily see that as old.

Of course it isn't old, it's just the usual sexist, ageist sh*t that's constantly thrown at women - in particular by other women.

Personally, getting pregnant in my 20's would have been horrific for me and I know for certain that I would have had an abortion. I had things I wanted to achieve and a child wasn't one of them. I'm in my early 30's now and I still haven't heard that ticking clock yet but if I got pregnant now I'd have it simply because I'm financially more secure to raise a child.

+1. I'm certainly not going to cave into society's narrow-minded demands.

I think it really doesn't matter what age you are - there are lots and lots of children and adults who have mothers who gave birth over 40 because they got caught out when they thought they were past it.

Yep. My friend's mum went to the doctor feeling unwell when she was 44 - nine months later, my friend's sis was born.

The most important thing about becoming a parent is that you are selfless enough to put that child before your own needs and to be capable of loving it with all your heart. Age is irrelevant. Some are better in their 20's and some aren't ready until their 30's and some decide its not for them.

Well I'd draw a line at the recent cases involving women in their 60s having babies - simply because they're going to die too early in their kids' lives - but yes, up to the early 40s seems fine to me. We're living a lot longer and are a lot healthier.

ali.c

everything dudess said +1

Just on the %increase of down syndrome, the figures are somewhat similar in teenage mothers (i.e. they are more likely to have a child with down syndrome that someone in the 20-34yr old age bracket), i recall from genetics lectures something to do with a higher incidence towards the beginning of sexual maturity and the end of fertility in a woman.

Either way, i think the decision to have a child comes down to whether or not both you and your partner are ready. Personally i would wait to have the right partner than have a child purely as i am a getting old.

OracleOfTruth

I was expecting you to say you were 18-21 or something but 24 is more than old enough.

Society has made it seem a bad thing if you have a child and you aren't a wrinklking pot bellied 35 year old. Much better to have your children young and when you are fit and capable.

Dudess

No, society has made it seem a bad thing if you are a 30-something woman, not to mind a single/childless 30-something woman. You get treated as if you're a 90-year-old - for example, what you said.
24 is NOT "more than old enough". It's not too young, but it CERTAINLY isn't "more than old enough". That's ridiculous. It's not 1965 any more. Today's 24-year-olds aren't much more mature than teenagers.

OracleOfTruth

Today's 24-year-olds aren't much more mature than teenagers.

They are the same as 24 year olds have always been. If you can have a child at 5 years old then surely 19 more years is plenty old to have a family.

Quality

wanababy wrote: »

hi
recently i have been thinking about life and i think i want to start trying for a baby in da next yr or 2, im only 24 and feel i am still too young because im still at the begining of my career,and i know my boyfriend would prefer to wait till he is in his 30s to have a kid, but i find myself thinking about it alot.
i know every ones situation is different, but what age do you think the 'ideal' age to have a child is? or does any one regret starting their family young?

Thanks

I think this should be a joint decision for you and your boyfriend, But if he is in agreement.

Go for it,,,

If it is meant to be it will happen...

I had my first child when I was much younger than you. She is the best thing to happen to me... It is the only thing in life worth doing...

ali.c

OracleOfTruth wrote: »

I was expecting you to say you were 18-21 or something but 24 is more than old enough.

and what nevermind the fact the op's bf isnt ready to have kids???

OracleOfTruth wrote: »

Society has made it seem a bad thing if you have a child and you aren't a wrinklking pot bellied 35 year old. Much better to have your children young and when you are fit and capable.

Ah yes because once you hit 35 you become unfit and incapable??

Just because you are physically mature enough to have a family, doesnt mean that you are plenty old too!

sjaakie

this is doing my head in: "young mothers stick out like a sore thumb at the schoolgates"

and: mothers in their 50's look like granny's at the schoolgates.

oh my god! how narrow minded some people are.

UNBELIEVABLE.

anyways op: its a decision you and your partner make together, if he wants to wait then you both should wait.

It is one of the most personal decisions you can make so think hard and deep about it.
Your life as it is "together" will never ever be the same once you have children.

gl

Dudess

OracleOfTruth wrote: »

If you can have a child at 5 years old

What the fuk?

How Strange

OracleOfTruth Quote:If you can have a child at 5 years old then surely 19 more years is plenty old to have a family.

Quality Quote: I had my first child when I was much younger than you. She is the best thing to happen to me... It is the only thing in life worth doing...

Steady on there. Broad sweeping statement or what. In your opinion yes that may very well be true but not necessarily for anyone/everyone else.

OracleOfTruth

Dudess wrote: »

What the fuk?

yep (note some sensitive types mighnt like this link)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lina_Medina

Quality

Ok In my opinion having my two children are the only thing in life worth doing...

When I am on my death bed (many years from now please God).. I dont think I will be thinking about what car I drove or what I worked at Or my house ....

I am sure I will be thinking of my children...

I was young having my first child. It was an unplanned pregnancy, I do not regret it for one moment.... My kids mean the world to be,,,

The OP is obviously having maternal feelings at the moment and can associate with what I am saying therefore I am on topic.

sjaakie

when you are on your deathbed you should think about how much love you spread around and how you lived your life, not: i had two children............... so what?

Quality

Can you not read,

I will be thinking of my two children!!

sjaakie

yeah, and?

Dudess

OracleOfTruth wrote: »

yep (note some sensitive types mighnt like this link)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lina_Medina

I know that story - it's an abnormal case.

But anyway, emotional maturity is what we're focusing on here. Nobody's questioning that 24 is too young to have a baby from a biological perspective - of course it isn't.

Nevyn

sjaakie wrote: »

yeah, and?

Any more off topic and confrontational posts and people will start getting banned.

OracleOfTruth

Dudess wrote: »

I know that story - it's an abnormal case.

But anyway, emotional maturity is what we're focusing on here. Nobody's questioning that 24 is too young to have a baby from a biological perspective - of course it isn't.

Emotional maturity is a made up pop psychology.

Nevyn

50 years ago 24 was more then old enough to be starting a family, hell for some people it was considered waiting.

This has changed over the intervening years. If you are read then 24 is fine, but clearly your bf is not. I think the two of you should sit down and talk about what you want to do with your lives over the next 10 years and spell it out and start planning.

LegacyUser

first off thank you for all your replys, it seems from reading this its a mix view from ppl.
First off ill answer some of your questions. i am 24 nearly 25, my parnter is the same age!, me and partner have been going out 5 yrs and live together so it is a very stable, open relationship, and i respect his decision 100%,
i said in my previous comment that my bf mention he would like kids in his 30's this way as a passing comment and we didnt not discuss our plans or feeling.. we talk about having kids and marriage so i know its something he wants in the future.
This is something i would not rush any1 into, purely because i know if it wasnt a joint decision our relation ship would not work..
We both have a fulltime job and we've been working for 3 yrs and we both have a degree and done various certs and exams to further our careers(this i think will be difficult to continue after having a baby but still not impossible!).. i have also done all the travelling thing for a yr. we can still go on family holidays!! we both have new cars which are paid off in full and we have a deposit for a house..just holding to see what will happen da market(totally different story!). so financially we could afford a baby together, even with the price of child care in dublin!
i guess i was just looking for your opinions on my age b4 i sit my bf friend down and tell me what i would like to happen over the next few yrs, and get his view on things..
i would definitely want to get married first, but again its something i dont want to put pressure on him..i want it to be his decision too..

the reason i want a child young is because i adore children and i always have and i would like to be a youngish mum so i could be there for most of there life and be there for their kids if that happens, also i would like our parents not to be too old to see there grandkids grow up..

i do appreciate why ppl would want to wait until their in there 30s b4 starting a family but for me i think i want to start in the next yr or 2, but if thats not what my partner wants then i will wait and enjoy it when it does happen..

Dudess

OracleOfTruth wrote: »

Emotional maturity is a made up pop psychology.

Course it is, love.

Thaedydal wrote: »

50 years ago 24 was more then old enough to be starting a family, hell for some people it was considered waiting.

That was even the case 25, 30 years ago.

wanababy wrote: »

first off thank you for all your replys, it seems from reading this its a mix view from ppl.
First off ill answer some of your questions. i am 24 nearly 25, my parnter is the same age!, me and partner have been going out 5 yrs and live together so it is a very stable, open relationship, and i respect his decision 100%,
i said in my previous comment that my bf mention he would like kids in his 30's this way as a passing comment and we didnt not discuss our plans or feeling.. we talk about having kids and marriage so i know its something he wants in the future.
This is something i would not rush any1 into, purely because i know if it wasnt a joint decision our relation ship would not work..
We both have a fulltime job and we've been working for 3 yrs and we both have a degree and done various certs and exams to further our careers(this i think will be difficult to continue after having a baby but still not impossible!).. i have also done all the travelling thing for a yr. we can still go on family holidays!! we both have new cars which are paid off in full and we have a deposit for a house..just holding to see what will happen da market(totally different story!). so financially we could afford a baby together, even with the price of child care in dublin!
i guess i was just looking for your opinions on my age b4 i sit my bf friend down and tell me what i would like to happen over the next few yrs, and get his view on things..
i would definitely want to get married first, but again its something i dont want to put pressure on him..i want it to be his decision too..

the reason i want a child young is because i adore children and i always have and i would like to be a youngish mum so i could be there for most of there life and be there for their kids if that happens, also i would like our parents not to be too old to see there grandkids grow up..

i do appreciate why ppl would want to wait until their in there 30s b4 starting a family but for me i think i want to start in the next yr or 2, but if thats not what my partner wants then i will wait and enjoy it when it does happen..

Well you sound like you'd make a great mum. Best of luck. Hope it happens soon for you.

MagicMarker

OP: Good luck to you. You're in a better position than most to have a child. There's nothing wrong with having it at your age and in your position if you're bf also approves.

Most people posting in this thread who had kids early probably didn't plan them and more than likely weren't ready for them. Of course they're going to say that they wouldn't change a thing now! They're parents, they had no choice but to adapt to the environment they put themselves in.

Personally, i'm 24 and just couldn't imagine having a child right now. There's just too much i want to do with my life then be tied down to something like that and i feel nothing but sorrow for other people around my age who i see pushing buggies around tbh.

estar

wanababy wrote: »

hi
recently i have been thinking about life and i think i want to start trying for a baby in da next yr or 2, im only 24 and feel i am still too young because im still at the begining of my career,and i know my boyfriend would prefer to wait till he is in his 30s to have a kid, but i find myself thinking about it alot.
i know every ones situation is different, but what age do you think the 'ideal' age to have a child is? or does any one regret starting their family young?

Thanks

when you can support one emotionally and financially with your partner
as part of a committed relationship

although many children are raised without some of these variables and
as long as they have emotional support and a certain level of financial then
it works out

l3LoWnA

MagicMarker wrote: »

Most people posting in this thread who had kids early probably didn't plan them and more than likely weren't ready for them. Of course they're going to say that they wouldn't change a thing now! They're parents, they had no choice but to adapt to the environment they put themselves in.

Absolutely!!! I have a 3.5 year old, completely unplanned and yes, a mistake. :eek: There, it's said. Yes, the best thing to come into my life since sliced bread, yes, I love her to the ends of the earth and back and yes, she changed my life for the best in LOTS of ways and blah.

But I have regrets, oh yes I do!!

I hadn't travelled. I wasn't financially secure. I wasn't in a stable relationship. I wasn't in a position to own my own home (or even rent) etc. I had always said I'd make sure I had done all of those things before I started a family, and I didn't, so I do regret the how's and the whens of my daughters arrival and if I could turn back time and put it off for 5 years I would most certainly do that! However, I was 22 when I had her and I was more than capable of being her Mother, and a good mother at that, regardless of circumstances, at the end of the day, what a small baby/child needs more than anything is a stable environment, lots of love and guidance, to hell with money! My daughter hasn't suffered as a result of the circumstances either, and she damn well never will....it's just personally, I find it a constant struggle (financially mainly!)

OP, from what you say, you're in a terrific position to start your family. I really hope your boyfriend feels the same way as it would be great for you to be starting your family at a time when you're so enthusiastic about it. 24 is definately not too young, as long as you are satisfied that this is what you want and there'll be no regrets. You've travelled, you've got your career off to a great start, you're financially fairly comfortable and you're in a healthy relationship with your boyfriend, couldnt be better..... (one of my friends got married in 2003, like you she'd been living with her fella, she had her career sorted, they had their own home and were very happy.....she was just gone 23 and now has her little boy and her little girl born just this year and they couldn't be happier! She's young, lively, full of energy and "wide" to the world that her kids are growing up in too which is always a bonus!)

If your boyfriend really doesn't want to rush down the road of marriage and babies in the next year or two, I have one litle bit of advice, get yourself a little puppy, you can mother it as much as you want while your waiting! But do find out why exactly your boyfriend doesn't want to get married and/or engaged. I suppose what I'm trying to say is, dont wait around for him if there's any niggling doubt in his mind about your future together.

[edit: Just one other thing OP - You say your career is going well and your boyfriends....do you both work long hours including a commute or would you be living close to your jobs? You'd have to consider that you might not want to leave your child/children for long hours with a creche/childminder....would one of you take a career break or cut down your hours or do you have family-friendly working hours? Just a thought....I see mothers (mainly - don't know where the fathers are - probably still at work) who drop their child/children off at 7:30am and don't return to collect them until well after 6pm and I feel very sorry for those kids and their parents to be honest, because they're missing out on so much not spending more time with one another. Personally, I'd much rather struggle financially, in order to spend more time raising my daughter and giving her what's vital in a childs life, a mothers love. I do understand, however, that some peoples unavoidable situations lead them to having no choice but to have their kids in childcare from dawn until dusk but if you're planning the future...you should consider this]

sjaakie

had my first at 22 second one at 24 ( both planned thinking: i be a healthy bubbly young parent etc. )...

marriage broke down after 10 years. was single parent for years , that was very very difficult.

Met a new partner, had another baby at the age of 39 , i am 41 now and 40 weeks pregnant with baby nr. 4.

as you can read: things happen, things change. its all a bit of a gamble.

listen to your heart and then think logical.

NextSteps

You sound very sensible and grounded. Best of luck talking to your boyfriend!