Girls and weight issue?

63587614

Looking for advice on how to explain that a girl is overweight and not exploiting the true potential of her appearance.

Basically, how does one explain to the opposite sex without offending them that they need to get in shape and look after themselves.

Giving up the all wk boozer, college lifestyle and mostly fastfood.

AngryBadger

63587614 wrote: »

Looking for advice on how to explain that a girl is...not exploiting the true potential of her appearance.

YOU obviously don't. If you're concerned on health grounds by a friends weight then that's the road you take. But if you're stupid enough to use the above as your opening line in a request for help then I'd saty well away if I was you.

the dee

I don't think there's a nice or polite way to do that. Most girls are conscious of how they look anyway. Pointing it out will make her feel worse. If she is overwieght, I'm sure she knows it.

All you can do is maybe suggest you get lunch in a healthier place when you're out with her?

laoisfan

agree with AngryBadger.

your opening post is not very helpful or insightful.

did you ever think the girl may be actually happy with her appearance? again...more info would be welcome so people can reply with more detailed responses.

besides...one question you really have to ask yourself....is it really any of your business what weight the girl is? is it?

Femelade

if a girl is overweight..then she probably already knows!

Overheal

set an example.

I was buds with these 2 guys: one of which gave up sugars and replaced it with about 4-5 pieces of fruit a day, and lost buttloads. Another guy went on the doctor-monitored flapjack diet; his stomach shrunk to the size of a potato and he lost 4 stone in a month or something ridiculous like that.

so I spent my last year abandoning sugars (eh, for a while ) and outright avoiding fast food: frozen stuff was cool but dominoes and ohmygod Godfathers! was off the plate. I also took up a manual labor job.
I feel like I've lost a fair bit but I dont scale myself: point of it is im happier about myself than i was 18 months ago.

OP nobody listens about their weight in 'an intervention' (yes, that is the word) - it puts them completely in a corner and - I can't reccomend it. Just set a good example: you may be thin and able for it but dont be going off on junk food and chipper (lovely though it may be) - instead switch yourself over to the 'fcuk that' mindset. Basically, why spend a fiver on a burger and chips when for that much money I can make twice as much food at home, and how I want it, and with none of that bull**** in it. Instead of ordering 2 burgers - buy some chips. They fill you way better, and thats the point. Rice too, but that gets boring quick imho.

If you think it and do it, theres a fair chance your friend will follow. But it will happen gradually and over a period of time so if you care for your friend then you stick with it, too.

Just whatever you no Interventions ok? Its not at all helpful.

Feelgood

63587614 wrote: »

and not exploiting the true potential of her appearance.

?????????? - Its the beauty on the inside that counts and

It's not how you look its how you feel....

biko

Overheal wrote: »

set an example.

+1
Suggest you do sport together and try to eat more healthy when you are having lunch/dinner. Go to vegetarian restaurants instead.

Overheal

biko wrote: »

+1
Suggest you do sport together and try to eat more healthy when you are having lunch/dinner. Go to vegetarian restaurants instead.

agreed but dont throw her into it: I still hate sports

I recommend easing into it by not tossing the routine too much: like, if you've been going to the chipper, keep going and just order less and less, more spud less grease, etc. having said that if you wanna pay a little extra there are some damn nice places to chill/eat around.

again, she will be less responsive to abrupt change (and such changes almost always fail to have a lasting impact).

cowzerp

Feelgood wrote: »

?????????? - Its the beauty on the inside that counts and

It's not how you look its how you feel....

Yeah tell that to the girl who is getting no action because she's out of shape or can only score someone with no taste or standards(usually drunks) but your bit sounds nicer!

witchywoman

op i think that you will not be thanked for broaching the weight issue with her, she probably struggles with her image anyway, due to it. if you are a true friend, youd keep your opinion to yourself.

McGinty

Just to add that that a person will only successfully lose weight for themselves, I was overweight went on a healthy eating plan for myself and lost nearly two stone (10 more pounds to go) but I would not have lost that weight for anyone else even someone I love, so the person you are referring to has to want to lose weight. Having said that if you read up on nutrition and show how awful fast foods are then maybe you can work it that way.

Blazer

witchywoman wrote: »

op i think that you will not be thanked for broaching the weight issue with her, she probably struggles with her image anyway, due to it. if you are a true friend, youd keep your opinion to yourself.

Aren't true friends supposed to be honest with other friends?
I put on loads of weight after giving up cigarettes and friends started giving me nicknames..made me mad/depressed for a while until I realized it was my own fault and did something about it..dropped 3 stone and name calling stopped.
Yes the name calling hurt my feelings but it gave me the kick up the ass I needed to get into shape. If they hadn't said anything I've still be a fat bastard.
Who wants to be fat? No one does..and anyone that says yes is a liar.
(For the people that are going to taking offense at my last sentence and possibly start giving moral lectures to me don't bother..you're probably fat and know this..you're deluding only yourself.)

Jack B. Badd

Mathew Reilly wrote: »

Aren't true friends supposed to be honest with other friends?
I put on loads of weight after giving up cigarettes and friends started giving me nicknames..made me mad/depressed for a while until I realized it was my own fault and did something about it..dropped 3 stone and name calling stopped.

Ah yes, we should all be as sh*tty as possible to our mates until they conform to our standards :rolleyes:

OP, while I don't agree with the whole "my god, you can't so much as imply that any girl may be anything other than a size 0!!!" I do think tact is probably a good policy. Telling her she may not be realising her full potential is a nicer way to put it than calling her a fat cow. It may also have the desired result too.

embee

Mathew Reilly wrote: »

Aren't true friends supposed to be honest with other friends?
I put on loads of weight after giving up cigarettes and friends started giving me nicknames..made me mad/depressed for a while until I realized it was my own fault and did something about it..dropped 3 stone and name calling stopped.
Yes the name calling hurt my feelings but it gave me the kick up the ass I needed to get into shape. If they hadn't said anything I've still be a fat bastard.
Who wants to be fat? No one does..and anyone that says yes is a liar.
(For the people that are going to taking offense at my last sentence and possibly start giving moral lectures to me don't bother..you're probably fat and know this..you're deluding only yourself.)

Good friends should be honest, yes, but that doesn't mean that they have to go out of their way to deliberately hurt someones feelings.

OP - I don't advise going down the route of telling her she's overweight - I'm sure she knows that already. As other posters have suggested, try to set an example. Perhaps also instead of getting take away food all the time you could suggest doing things like staying in and cooking - stir fries are great for you and cost a fraction of a burger and chips from the local chipper.

cudman

Im not sure if you are talking about a friend or a girlfriend.
If its a friend and her health may be at risk because of her weight then maybe "arrange" to come across a tv program about obesity etc. If she is not dangerously overweight Id recommend saying nothing.

If it is a girlfriend just try to incorporate activities into your relationship-walks-jogs-gym membership-cook her healhty meals or even go for bike rides.

JuliusCaesar

63587614 wrote: »

Looking for advice on how to explain that a girl is overweight and not exploiting the true potential of her appearance.

Maybe she's happy with herself? Maybe you're trying to force her into some stereotypical way of being so that you can bask in the reflected glory of having a tabloid-perfect girlfriend?

Chiaki

if a woman is a normal size, the media make her feel she needs to be 2 sizes smaller. this woman is either happy with her weight or not. either way a member of the opposite sex stating the obvious is not going to help. also if she is trying to lose weight she wont exercise with people she knows (friends dont see us jiggling). point is your not going to help the situation so just stay away from being direct. bring up things like "whats your new yrs resolutions" and see if she mentions eating or exercising, then volunteer to do it togther to keep motivated or something.

Overheal

Mathew Reilly wrote: »

Aren't true friends supposed to be honest with other friends?
I put on loads of weight after giving up cigarettes and friends started giving me nicknames..made me mad/depressed for a while until I realized it was my own fault and did something about it..dropped 3 stone and name calling stopped.
Yes the name calling hurt my feelings but it gave me the kick up the ass I needed to get into shape. If they hadn't said anything I've still be a fat bastard.
Who wants to be fat? No one does..and anyone that says yes is a liar.
(For the people that are going to taking offense at my last sentence and possibly start giving moral lectures to me don't bother..you're probably fat and know this..you're deluding only yourself.)

tis ture: made fun of yer lad that went on the flapjack diet for years before he took action - much happier afterward.

Susannahmia

63587614 wrote: »

Looking for advice on how to explain that a girl is overweight and not exploiting the true potential of her appearance.

Basically, how does one explain to the opposite sex without offending them that they need to get in shape and look after themselves.

Giving up the all wk boozer, college lifestyle and mostly fastfood.

You don't unless you want a smack in the chops! They will just have to realise it for themselves.

Carrigart Exile

63587614 wrote: »

Looking for advice on how to explain that a girl is overweight and not exploiting the true potential of her appearance.

Basically, how does one explain to the opposite sex without offending them that they need to get in shape and look after themselves.

Giving up the all wk boozer, college lifestyle and mostly fastfood.

health side aside, something I have learned as I got older is to look beyond the obvious. Women can be drop dead sexy at size 18 just as easy as they can be a turn off cold fish at size 8

CamillaRhodes

Adding to the 'set an example' advice, you could try to get her interested in going for a run with you (or whatever exercise you normally take). If you were to talk to her about going to the gym (or whatever) and how much you enjoy it, and then invite her along, she might (a) take the hint that you're concerned for her about her weight and (b) join you, and end up actually losing the weight, with the support of a friend?

63587614

What if I told you I was the other half in a relationship. I think that most Irish need to deal with there blaze attitude to diet and general fitness and health. There is a culture of accepting obseity and lack lusture approach to over indulgence.

ali.c

63587614 wrote: »

What if I told you I was the other half in a relationship.

Well your by no means the first on her to ask about it,

63587614 wrote: »

I think that most Irish need to deal with there blaze attitude to diet and general fitness and health. There is a culture of accepting obseity and lack lusture approach to over indulgence.

True, but i think if someone wants to lose weight they will do it for themselves they wont do it for anyone else. By all means you can be supportive, but you can be the driving force behind it IMHO. and trying to be is unlikely to do you a whole lot of favours!

Reg'stoy

Why is it that we gloss over the whole size issue in Ireland, we straight away hop off the person who puts their head above the trench and says it as it is, being over weight is as bad for you as smoking and the abuse of drink and will if left unchecked kill you!!
We blame everyone else from the fastfood chains to advertising on tv, yet we never confront the individual. It kills me to see children barely able to walk after their equally fat parent with out breaking into a sweat.
Nobody gets fat by mistake, granted a very small number may have medical reasons for it but 99% of overweight people ate themselves into that state pure and simple. If we molly coddle them like that program on C4 my wife loves "How to look good ....." something or other, by saying hide the problem don't worry about being fat, we will end up with a nation of very fashionable dead fat people.
The average dress size is going up and up because we are allowing it to go up and up. Someone once proposed that smokers should pay extra for their healthcare and rightly so, as an ex smoker I know the problems it causes and equally so overweight people who are 'happy' (as another poster said they might be) with their size should also pay extra why should I pay for someones knee/hip replacement, insulin injections and heart treatment because they would rather stuff their faces with crap then eat decent healthy food.
Sorry, to answer OP's question (it just gets my goat when people sidestep our nations health) yes tell this person you are worried about their weight creeping up, tell them you value their friendship and what it to continue for a long while. If they were drinking to excess you would most certainly do something about it, why should their weight not be taken as seriously.

WhiteWashMan

Femmy wrote: »

if a girl is overweight..then she probably already knows!

bang on.

feelgood wrote:

Its the beauty on the inside that counts

and the rest of us live in the real world where we take the whole package into consideration. beauty on the inside crap is only spouted by fat people to boost their own self esteem.

on the other hand

feelgood wrote:

It's not how you look its how you feel..

that is completely true, but has nothing to do with having an overweight partner

blah

This is a really bad idea.

You've got someone who isn't happy with how they look, and the one person she trusts, who's supposed to see past it, points it out.

Bad bad bad bad idea. Don't do it. You'll regret it.

AngryBadger

63587614 wrote: »

What if I told you I was the other half in a relationship. I think that most Irish need to deal with there blaze attitude to diet and general fitness and health. There is a culture of accepting obseity and lack lusture approach to over indulgence.

Fair enough, there is a lacklustre attitude to a lot of things in irish society I agree with you on that. But your opening comments were very poorly chosen, and indicate that you're less concerned about health implications and more concerned with cosmetic ones.

What kind of weight are we talking about here anyway?

lizzyvera

63587614 wrote: »

Looking for advice on how to explain that a girl is overweight and not exploiting the true potential of her appearance.

Basically, how does one explain to the opposite sex without offending them that they need to get in shape and look after themselves.

Giving up the all wk boozer, college lifestyle and mostly fastfood.

Whatever about her feelings if she doesn't stop she'll be dead before she retires. Her looks aren't the most important thing here- she's in for a life of not being able to cach the bus, high blood pressure, piles, diabetes etc. She just needs some basic health tips and to be reminded of the importance of good health, leave her looks out of it completely because that's insulting and may seem shallow or chauvenistic to her.
She probably has other problems too like she can't run far and gets tired... general malnutrition stuff, you can point that out to her but DON'T say anything about her looking disgusting because if it's an emotional thing, that'll make her worse.
I find people lose weight better when they're motivated by something positive like "feeling better" and "having more energy" than looking better because the latter is a daily reinforcement of the notion that they are too fat to be attractive.

lizzyvera

Reg'stoy wrote: »

If they were drinking to excess you would most certainly do something about it, why should their weight not be taken as seriously.

Totally agree. I think it's because most of the health problems asociated with obesity don't appear til middle age so young people ignore them. It's a pity because it's much easier to lose weight when you're 20 than when you're 45 as anyone who's ever gone on a diet with their mam knows.

ali.c

Reg'stoy wrote: »

yes tell this person you are worried about their weight creeping up, tell them you value their friendship and what it to continue for a long while. If they were drinking to excess you would most certainly do something about it, why should their weight not be taken as seriously.

The OP mentioned nothing about health whatsoever more to do with not exploiting her appearance whatever the hell that is meant to mean, he has given no indication as to how much weight we are taking about her. It could be a few pounds or could be a few stone so we dont know.

vorbis

Reg'stoy wrote: »

The average dress size is going up and up because we are allowing it to go up and up.

Bingo! I live in Boston with my Thai gf. She's put on a few pounds of fat over this year. Its noticeable but she's still quite slim. Interestingly though she told me that if she went back home, that extra weight would be gone within months as her friends, mother, acquaintances would be slagging her about being fat!

Instead in America, you'd have to get to 300lbs before anyone would say something. Its true to a lesser degree in Ireland. If someone wants to be significantly overweight then thats their own personal choice and no one should say anything to them. I think we try to protect peoples' feelings too much.

clawsthefirst

I'd way rather my other half told me he thought I was getting fat rather than just think how repulsive he was beginning to find me. Plus it's easier than waking up some morning and realising that you've put on so much you've to loose a couple of stone. Nah I'd just tell her, if she's in any way mature she'll see the sense in it.

tunney

Feelgood wrote: »

?????????? - Its the beauty on the inside that counts and

It's not how you look its how you feel....

Ah the sound of a fatperson making themselves feel better.

Overheal

Reg'stoy wrote: »

Why is it that we gloss over the whole size issue in Ireland, we straight away hop off the person who puts their head above the trench and says it as it is, being over weight is as bad for you as smoking and the abuse of drink and will if left unchecked kill you!!
We blame everyone else from the fastfood chains to advertising on tv, yet we never confront the individual. It kills me to see children barely able to walk after their equally fat parent with out breaking into a sweat.
Nobody gets fat by mistake, granted a very small number may have medical reasons for it but 99% of overweight people ate themselves into that state pure and simple. If we molly coddle them like that program on C4 my wife loves "How to look good ....." something or other, by saying hide the problem don't worry about being fat, we will end up with a nation of very fashionable dead fat people.
The average dress size is going up and up because we are allowing it to go up and up. Someone once proposed that smokers should pay extra for their healthcare and rightly so, as an ex smoker I know the problems it causes and equally so overweight people who are 'happy' (as another poster said they might be) with their size should also pay extra why should I pay for someones knee/hip replacement, insulin injections and heart treatment because they would rather stuff their faces with crap then eat decent healthy food.
Sorry, to answer OP's question (it just gets my goat when people sidestep our nations health) yes tell this person you are worried about their weight creeping up, tell them you value their friendship and what it to continue for a long while. If they were drinking to excess you would most certainly do something about it, why should their weight not be taken as seriously.

True but think about how long we had drinking and smoking in society before it became socially unacceptable. We've had tobacco for centuries and it hasn't been on the decline until the last decade.

My personal opinion? Its as much a personal choice as everything else but it doesn't excuse the vendor from their moral obligations. Its the same with drink and smoke.

And how do we get people off drink and smoke? Sometimes Interventions; but more often than not the set example works best.

funloving

in Italy as well if you're a size12 you would be considered overweight and they think acceptable is being8/10.
When I moved to Dublin I thought it was very nice that people could easily get nice clothes of any sizes because in Italy most of the labels only have sizes up to12...

how we look is not all that matters but if we are honest we must admit that we first choose a person because we find him/her phisically attractive and when there's no attraction but we get on very well we become friends