Adoption in Ireland

martinf

Hi all,

For those of you who have been involved in the adoption world either as an adoptee/ adoptive or birth parent I'm wondering how have you felt adoption is treated as an issue in Ireland. Does it affect you much on a daily basis, rarely or not at all? Have you noticed any changes in attitude in recent times. If you've tried tracing from any perspective how have you found that you were treated? Are there any areas that you think people need support in that are not current catered for?

This ia n area of interest to me as I'm one of a family of eight children who were all adopted after birth (we all ended up in different families). Having met 3 of the seven I'm very interested in hearing other peoples stories and views.

Best wishes

Martin

Moonbeam

Hi Martin,

Welcome:)

I take it that it was outside of Ireland?
8 children is an amazing amount to have had adopted but situations are also unusual!
Generally I have found that the worst bits about adoption here are the lies from the agencies they literally made stuff up and told it as the truth and it was normal.
I have never noticed that I have been treated differently by people generally.
I think as a small child in a way you are envied cause yes secretly you could be a princess or a prince or the long lost kid of ...:)

Rach

martinf

Hi Rach,

Strange though it may seem my story is in fact an Irish one. I have met 3 of my seven siblings at this stage and hopefully will meet them all eventually. I assume that we were all adopted within Ireland as the ones we know about so far were originally but who knows where they are now.

Much of what happens in terms of adoption is caught up in secrecy where there are various safety nets set up to keep the truth from emerging. Given that there must be one or two "rational" people affected by adoption is it likely that we'll all rush to one anothers doors for a confrontation if we found out how we were linked through our birth families? I certainly wouldn't turn up on someones door unless I was happy that there was a chance of a positive outcome.

I'd be interested to hear what others have to say about their experiences from anyside of the adotion scene.

best wishes

Martin

MaryMagdalene

I think that this type of attitude found on the Parenting thread entittled "Giving up rights to a child" is stero typical of society's attitute towards birth mothers!!! Many though don't put it quite so harshly but nonetheless..................

"Ok, here are my undiluted views on this issue.

Abortion is murder.

Adoption is an easy way out.

Giving up the rights to your own child. Is the easy way out."

angelbabyk

martinf wrote: »

Hi all,

For those of you who have been involved in the adoption world either as an adoptee/ adoptive or birth parent I'm wondering how have you felt adoption is treated as an issue in Ireland. Does it affect you much on a daily basis, rarely or not at all? Have you noticed any changes in attitude in recent times. If you've tried tracing from any perspective how have you found that you were treated? Are there any areas that you think people need support in that are not current catered for?

This ia n area of interest to me as I'm one of a family of eight children who were all adopted after birth (we all ended up in different families). Having met 3 of the seven I'm very interested in hearing other peoples stories and views.

Best wishes

Martin

Hello Martin

Well as someone who is adopted i think in recent years it has become a much less taboo subject.. I think the fact so many people who cant have a child biologically are going the route of adoption has put a positive spin on it. I think before people thought badly of adoption because sex before marrage was such a bad thing and if you did get pregnant it was (in most cases) kept a secret from people outside your family.. I personally would love to adopt a child when i am financially stable and in a committed relationship.. I feel i was given such a blessing with the Family that adopted me and i couldnt have asked for a better family.. I just hope i can do the same for someone someday.

jocmilt

I think it is shameful that adopted children do not have an absolout right to know their parents, at least when they are 18 years old. They were never party to the adoption agreement which means the identity of the parents can remain secret unless the parents agree to contact. I think it is inhuman that so many adoptees are not allowed to know their family story. Politicians should bring in a law repealing all previous rights to secrecy and allowing adoptees to all information on their parents. The parents can choose not to meet if they like but at least the child would not have to wonder. I am not an adoptee but I am a human and I think the old laws should be repealed.

piperpat

ive been lobying governments for the last25 years and it seems that im geting no where. I managed to get my orignal birthcert but i had to use tact and cuning. I havr managed to trace my roots and still im entitled to nutthing in this backword country.

The_Conductor

Hi Martin- long time no see!

Personally I think that society has done a massive injustice towards adopted people on several different levels-

1. We do not have the same rights as any other citizen to know who our parents are.
2. We do not have the right to information pertinent to our wellbeing- such as medical information
3. We do not have the right to know who our extended families are
4. Adoptive parents were seen to be 'rescuing' us from untenable situations- which in many cases were fairy stories from the hyperactive imaginations of nuns, social workers and others who had a vested interest in adoption as a cottage industry
5. Adoptive parents were actively encouraged to bring up adoptive kids in a different manner from their natural kids- in many cases religion as atonement for the sins of our parents- featured.......
6. Adoptive kids who voiced an entirely natural curiousity about their birthparents were often made feel ungrateful towards their adoptive parents/family
7. Society at large attached a stigma towards adoption and adopted kids in general- which often manifested in kids in school being viewed as different- which not infrequently resulted in bullying incidents etc
8. Adoption was used as a tool for kids in industrial schools to strive towards- or for adopted kids as a threat- if adopted kids misbehaved- look at the kids in (insert name of whichever industrial school they may have heard of here)- perhaps a suggestion that kids minds only too happily ran away with.
9. The secrecy- need I say more- adoption was viewed as dirty laundry- not to be aired in public, and kids were enrolled in this conspiracy
10. With all these insecurities placed on kids- many rebelled, many became compliant little people who did whatever they were told, many succeeded- but always with questions...........

The media today like to hold up examples of kids who've successfully traced (and note- we're always called children- regardless of what age we are). There is no indication whatsoever that the happy reunions that the media love to fawn over, are very much the exception rather than the rule.

I could go on and on- I really get depressed sometimes when I see how politicians have absolutely no grasp of how destructive their comments are, how the happy stories in the media mask the tears of despair many of us go through, how society despite its claims to have progressed past our hidden history- really hasn't moved on at all..........

You know I've been advised that if I get a court order that Bessboro will tell me what time of the day I was born at? I was actually in hysterics of laughter at that. I've better things to do- and if they're going to be so small minded as to point me to the district court- well, I've better things to do........