Boyfriend's behaviour

LegacyUser

I'm with my boyfriend almost a year and I feel like we've hit a brick wall. I love him but don't know if I should still be with him...

At the start things were great, he was crazy about me and showed me this on a regular basis. We got together on valentines day, very romantic! He used to do really sweet things for me and was so thoughtful and considerate. I gave the same back, we were really good together.

But over the last few months he just doesn't seem bothered. Its always me who has to organise dates, and he hates having me over at his. Of course this really got to me and I confronted him, and he says he loves me, doesn't want to break up, etc. But I dont understand why he keeps me at arms length.

He used to be really affectionate but now I pretty much get nothing. I dont understand whats changed. He knows I'm not happy, I've questioned him on whether he really wants to be in a relationship and he really doesn't want us to break up. I cant keep living off scraps though. We only see each other once a week (twice if I'm lucky!) and when I told him I'd like to spend a bit more time together he got really uncomfortable. He thinks once a week is enough.

Why is he sending out these mixed signals? And should i stay with him and give things a chance to improve, or cut and run now?

Colonel_McCoy

He is seeing somebody else

Catari Jaguar

^^^ Don't be jumping the gun, there's no proof he's cheating :rolleyes:

OP, What's the point in being in a relationship if you're unhappy? You've been together for less than a year, and 3 months were lousy. So it's not even a long term thing. Most relationships are very intense, "I can't live without you!" rose tinted ridiculousness for first while, then grow into something more meaningful and have a deeper connection but it's more laid back. Obviously this hasn't happened with your bloke = he's just laid back!

Cut your losses and run. Get someone worth your while. It'll be less painful in long run. Good luck

Mr. Incognito

Once a week? For bed-time. BAM! Booty call.

LegacyUser

No, thats the thing Setanta. Its usually just a normal date, go for a few drinks or something. I'll usually meet him for lunch about once a week as well. The bedroom stuff kinda goes hot and cold.

The idea of spending a whole weekend with me seems to freak him out big time, even though we've been away together and he's enjoyed himself. Its like he just cant relax.

I really want to give it a go and so does he, but since I talked to him nothing has changed. I need more, I just dont know if he can give it to me

Wibbs

He probably can't give you any more or at least not in the way you want it. Some people male and female are great in the honeymoon period, but cool off when it gets to the everyday stuff. Common enough I was with a woman like that before. Major pain. I discussed it and even suggested we break up. Each time she got a little better and then settled back into her old ways. Waste of a year for me that one. Start as you mean to finish I say.

Seraphina

could be a number of possibilities

A) he's cheating - no proof, just wild speculation
he wants to break up but is too chicken and wants you to do it instead
C) he's just like that

i'd say it's prob option C. he's comfortable and settled and not too bothered any more. if you're not happy with this, just dump him. i know its easy to say, but realistically its unlikely he's going to change if thats the way he likes things. if you're not happy you cant hang around forever hoping one day he'll cop on and start being all romantic and affectionate like you want.

spinandscribble

if its a sudden change and doesnt like spending the weekend with you like he did before my money's on that he's got another woman on the go.

MagicMarker

whatswrong wrote: »

No, thats the thing Setanta. Its usually just a normal date, go for a few drinks or something. I'll usually meet him for lunch about once a week as well. The bedroom stuff kinda goes hot and cold.

The idea of spending a whole weekend with me seems to freak him out big time, even though we've been away together and he's enjoyed himself. Its like he just cant relax.

I really want to give it a go and so does he, but since I talked to him nothing has changed. I need more, I just dont know if he can give it to me

If he wanted to give it a go he would try and do something about it. From what you're saying he makes absolutely zero effort what so ever even though he knows how you feel. If i were you i'd get rid of him before wasting any more of your time.

Lollipops23

This boy needs a good auld kick up the arse!!!

seriously, if he wanted to break up he would have jumped at one of the many chances you gave him.but it sounds like he's done a complete turnaround, ie you've been away together before and yet now he's uncomfortable with it?weird. has something maybe happened in the last few months to maybe change his mind about relationships?only you know the answer to that one.

But if this persists and you've given it your all, then take some seasoned advice and get out. He may have genuine reasons for his behaviour,but otherwise he's just ****ing with your head and you don't need that.

Mr. Skeffington

IMO the best way to sort this out is to go easy on him, dont give him lectures, leave him to it. If he only wants to see you once a week, let him on and dont let him see its bothering you. Start to make some of your own plans and enjoy the bit of free time you have. Even tell him that you have made other plans on occasions when he wants to see you.

When he sees that it is not getting to you he will either go mad and start running after you. Guys sometimes need to be treated badly some times to keep them on their toes. If like other people are speculating he does not want to be with you and he is with some one else on the side he wont be bothered either! If this is the case then why bother with him anyway.

Best of luck.

chris85

Some people get like this when they are getting really close to someone.

Some people find themselves getting too close and then back off as they are scared of being hurt by getting too close. But they cant break up with the person because they know deep down they really need the person.

Complicated i know but this could be whats going on!!!

estar

its ridiculous the amount you are compromising

dump.

dump now. you communicated, there was no change, its early
on when it still should be romantic, so move on

k-a-t-e

Get rid of him. You're obviously not happy or you wouldn't be posting here. A relationship has to be equal and it doesn't sound like it is. Find someone who is more on your wavelength.