Always arguing

LegacyUser

Ive been with my bloke for 5 months and the first 3 were amazing. All we seem to do now is fight. Over the most silly things! But some serious things. I think the issue is that we are just so different. We are both very stubborn, he is more so than i am.
I will admit if i am in the wrong but he most certainly wont. If he makes up his mind hell stick by it no matter what.
Jealousy used to be an issue but iv bettered myself and just ignore it now. He texts ex girlfiends, but i know know that they are just good friends.
I do not keep in touch with exs. he has also had alot more relationships, whereas i have only had one serios one (18months).
I know that the reason I get angry is because i get hardly any attention off him. He just doesnt seem to fulfill my expectations....iknow that sounds bad, but i expect a boyfriend to hold my hand in public, cuddle me in bed and treat me every month or so (nice dinner, surprise etc). I have a very typical idea of romance but he does not at all!!!
Alos, he hardly has any time for me, so i think i seek attention by rowing unnecessarily or...oh god i dont know. Im just very confused. He says he loves me and i think i love him too,,,i would do anything for him but at the moment, he is being so distant and impersonal that i feel totally shut out! I asked if he had anything else on his mind and he siad no. He isnt one to open up though no matter how helpful i try be.
But the bottom line is, i cant do this anymore, but i dont want to break up with him. I just want to figure out how to fix us. We are both clueless it seems...so what other choice have i got??
I am sad alot about this and it is distarcting me from my studies (i am 20) and i know it would be in my best interest to just end it, but the emotional hurt as a result of that would be even harder to deal with!!
I know this is a very long mail but i just wish someone else might have an answer.
I know i am a good girlfriend (without being vain), i always treat him to little pressies, drive him to work and home and i always send him nice texts and e-mails and when we do spend a little time together its always me who strokes his back, kisses him, hugs him....

Oh dear. Any help would be greatly appreciated although typing this helped a little already!!!
thanks guys..

tbh

sounds to me like he's not mr. right, he's mr. right now. You *could* spend some time and talk about your differences, try to figure out why ye are so different, try to understand why he is the way he is, and then try to modify your personalities so that ye become more compatible. Or you could DTMFA and find yourself a bloke who'll treat you the way you need to be treated. In my experience, option 2 is the winner

Seriously, you're only 20, most likely you'll have a good few more boyfriends before you're done, so stop flogging a dead horse. What have you got to lose?

whiskeyman

HB_Carla wrote: »

I am sad alot about this and it is distarcting me from my studies (i am 20) and i know it would be in my best interest to just end it, but the emotional hurt as a result of that would be even harder to deal with!!

It will be less emotional pain if you end it now and not months down the line the way it probably will go.
Break ups are rarely easy, even when you know its the right thing to do. YOu just have to keep re-enforcing in your mind that it *is* the right decision. He's treating you bad, (and you're treating him so well!) and your not happy. Get out girl!! There's much better out there!

Wibbs

OK so he's not affectionate in public, he's not particularly affectionate at all, he doesn't do romantic things for you, doesn't cuddle you in bed(likely translation, wham-bam-snore), he's distant and impersonal, is affecting your studies and you fight all the time. Is that about it?

Now he claims to "love" you and you think you may love him. OK. What is his definition of that? Actions speak louder than words methinks. More to the point why are you sticking around in this? What is your definition of a good relationship and love? FYI this isn't it. At this stage of the game this stuff shouldn't be happening.

Personal opinion? I think you fancied each other and that was about it. Because of that, your projecting your hopes on to him about how a boyfriend should be and when he isn't like that, you're fighting yet at the same time, still looking for an excuse to hang on, as you made this decision to go out with him. He's got no reason to be any different, as you're still around. In any case why should he be different? You just seem incompatible.

Trust me, it's better to be single than in a mediocre relationship(shock horror!). You both need to find yourselves and then find someone that works better with each of you.

Short answer? Split.

ancient faith

Hi,

OP I recently had a thread here about "pushing too hard" my situation started out exactly like yours.

Beruthiel

If the relationship was meant to be, then you wouldn't be having serious rows after only five months.
As tbh said, he's not mister right.