the doubts

avalanche

ive been with my girlfriend for nearly five years now and things have been pretty serious. the only thing is that recently ive been finding her rather unattractive at times and this has sown the seeds of doubt in mind. the thing is i do love her. we have been through a lot together and i cant imagine being without her its just at times i look at her and think she isnt that attractive. other times i think the opposite but the overall effect has left me confused. I find myself looking at other girls and comparing them to my girlfriend in my mind but only on a physical basis as im sure i have a really great girl who loves me with all of her heart. I sometimes wish i had a girl who looked after herself more. does this make me a bad person? :(has anyone else been in this position?any advice?

vorbis

I get these from time to time as well. My gf has put on a small bit of weight (not too much) but enough to be a little pudgy around the waist. I think its natural to find that unattractive sometimes. You have to take the entire relationship as a whole though and see if theres enough good qualities to make it worth it.

Personally, I try and encourage my gf to take up activities that would involved exercise. (for example she expressed an interest in learning hip hop dancing so I'm encouraging her to take classes). Don't be too phased about the "doubts". Sexual attraction is mainly visual in guys so your SO becoming less attractive is an issue.

Lollipops23

ha,if had a penny for everytime my bf did something unnatractive!:D

but seriously,after 5years you're probably just too comfortable in each other's company. Y'all just need to spice it up a bit. Maybe if you re-juvenate things your gf will feel the need to make a bit more of an effort.

pookie82

Has she actually let herself go of late or put on weight/stopped dressing up/making an effort or has this come from no change in her appearance but a change in your attraction to her alone??

Some girls (and guys) do let themselves go a bit when they get comfortable in their relationship. If it's that then you need to address it with her.

If it's you then you'll need to decide whether or not the attractive bit of skirt in the pub is worth leaving a loving relationship for. Personally I've seen alot of guys fall into this trap and realise too late that they left someone they really loved and will never get back for a fling with somone skinnier/prettier/ultimately less rewarding.

Overheal

is it such a bad thing? i mean, really?

take it from Quentin Tarantino through the voice of Butch's g/f: its surprising the difference in what we find pleasing to the eye and pleasing to the touch.

learn to enjoy it. Extra hip? think of it as 2 more boobs its all lovely and soft just the same.

if youre still feeling shallow about it get down to more shagging (and get over it!) - its a great workout anyway - which ultimately means once you get over it it will go away.

vorbis

um, Overheal are you a guy or a girl?
Just curious. For most guys, what they visually find attractive will remain relatively consistent throughout their lives. Extra fat is not a good thing.

As pookie82 said, the OP needs to clarify just what has changed.

Overheal

Guy. Point being i find it hard to see how a few extra pounds is going to shake up a 5 year relationship.

JuliusCaesar

vorbis wrote: »

For most guys, what they visually find attractive will remain relatively consistent throughout their lives.

Well, thank heavens that's not true! Or 50 year old men would still be turned on by 15 year old girls......(ok, we know there are some :mad: ) But most 50 yr old men tend to go for middle aged women - if the men really have grown up, just as most middle-aged women aren't panting after 18 year old boys!

dudara

Nothing need change in a long-term relationship in order for doubts and uncertainty to develop. Familiarity breeds contempt as the saying goes.

I'm in a very long term relationship (longer than the OPs) and you have to be proactive to keep the attraction there. The love is always there but the physical manifestation can wane.

The fact that you're thinking about things is good. At least you're not burying your head in the sand.