Need help!

LegacyUser

So here is the story. I've been with my boyfriend for two months now and everything is reat apart from in bed. I'm only 19 and I have to say I love sex. Just not so much with him. I could spend all day messing about in bed messing about by myself. But with him, it's just not good. I've tried to talk to him but he just says ok and the sex stays crap. I know it takes two to tango so to speak but I've never had this problem with my previous boyfriend. According to my boyfriend our sex is wonderful. Somebody, Anybody, please help!

Marksie

OK you have talked to him. I take it he is your age and therefore not that experienced.
Sometimes talking is not good enough. He may simply not realise what turns you on and does it for you.
Its a truism that we are responsible for our own pleasure and that the other is there to facilitate that.

So in its simplicity you have to show him.

A lot os people assume that their partner, male or female automatically knows what to do.
Everyone is different and no-one is automatically an ecstatic lover. Skills have to beleraned and if he doesnt do it for you then you have to show him.

There is one quote i always use and that is "if you want your partner to become an ectatic lover, become one yourself".. blow his mind then teach him how to blow yours

LegacyUser

He's 24, and has had at least ten sexual partners(apparently) that i know of.

Marksie

doesnt mean to say hes experinced though really does it?. Plus you should nopt compare to an ex in your mind.

Be present and teach. If you go in waiting for him to l;earn as if by magic, it wont happen.

Is he asking you at any given time that a particular thing is working or ploughing on regardless. and mor importanatly are you showing hime what you want and communicating this. Or are you just letting him get on with it?

LegacyUser

I've tried showing him what turns me on a couple of times but he shrugs it off and does it his way which is if i'm honest quite unpleasent. Sometimes I feel like he is just using me for sex because sex between us seems to be about pleasuring him. I've spoken to him about this too and he jsut shrugs it off. I've told him how i feel about this and his attitude to sex is that it will never be as good as when he lost is virginity. I can't help comparing him to my ex as with my ex it was completely opposite, the sex seemed to get better and better.

Marksie

With more information OP we can piece together whats going on here its a bit more in depth than when you first strated now and paints a slightly different picture of whats happening.

If he believes sex doesnt get any better than when he lost his virginity then he has low expectations and seems to be failing to live up to even those.

His attitude is wrong for starters and he has a closed mind.

has he refused completely to listen, and have you now stopped him from doing something unpleasant?

milkerman

It's a bit like learning to drive, you have to listen to the instructor.
I think if I compared sex with my current partner to sex with a previous partner and said the previous was better.... well my wife would lodge her foot sideways up my ass and further sex would be off the menu.
His attitude is worrying tbh. In your early 20's sex should be getting better & better with practice. Is he still thinking about a previous gf?

PeakOutput

need2bsatisfied wrote: »

his attitude to sex is that it will never be as good as when he lost is virginity.

this guy has NO idea what he is missing. man i never heard that one before.

the only bit of advice is maybe show him how great it can be by just having one night were you are going to blow his mind then maybe he can see the possibilities and get his head out of his ass and appreciate a girlfriend who loves sex and return the favour IN KIND.

im younger than him so i could be wrong and inexperienced myself but are you sure he has been honest about how many people he has been with? also i thought 99% of guys knew at this stage to ask how the girl likes it so they can do it right? i cant imagine anything worse than having to pretend or being with someone who is pretending you are doing it right. bite the bullet ask the question take any advice / criticism on board and get better. /rant off

Wibbs

Yea there's something amiss here, for me at least. I can say(and I suspect the vast majority of men would agree) losing my virginity was utterly crap. The more I did it the better it got. Now having sex with a woman I love doesn't have to be porn star good for me to really really like it. My worry is that it wasn't the sex that made it good for his first time, but the woman he was with. His selfishness is also a bad sign. his unwillingless to listen to you and try to give you pleasure is another very bad sign. maybe I'm wrong but my spidey senses are tingling here.

LegacyUser

I've stopped anything unpleasant of course. I'm not gonna pretend anything and give him delusions about himself which I really do think he has. Didn't realise how I felt about this until I started typing and it started pouring out.

I haven't a clue if he has been honest about how many women he has been with. He hasn't been in a relationship for about 2 years. That I know. I've noticed over the last two weeks that he has a bad attitude to a lot of things. I was thinking maybe he had just become used to being by himself that he'd become kinda selfish for want of a better word. I just don't know what to do. Sex isn't meant to be a problem this early in a relationship. Perhaps it's a sign.

Lollipops23

Ok i have never heard a guy claim that his first time was his best.....quite the opposite actually!
and if he's not trying at all to pleasure you, then you might have a bigger issue.If it's as simple as he's too nervous/thick to even try then it might be forgivable,but if he just doesn't give a damn then you may have a problemo.

Marksie

Given teh subject Wibbs it is probably the only thing tingling.

need2bsatisfied wrote: »

According to my boyfriend our sex is wonderful.

need2bsatisfied wrote: »

his attitude to sex is that it will never be as good as when he lost is virginity.

I am just wondering at these two comments, they dont sit easily with me.

You know you are two months into a relationship. If i was at that stage i would be 24/7 learning very curve and response you had to provide the springboard for much bigger things.

Its almost liike you are back in the good old brace yourself Mary days.

Now the blowing his mind is a good idea, but he really will have to learn that its a two way thing

need2bsatisfied wrote: »

Sex isn't meant to be a problem this early in a relationship.

Oh, it can be OP. But usually people work on it and it improves immesureably

need2bsatisfied wrote: »

Perhaps it's a sign.

Well maybe it is at that. Maybe he has lost the knack of what a realtionship and good lovemaking is and what its all about.

But if I was single for two years i would damn well make sure i learned. He runs the risk of getting dumped again (you could always try spelling that one out and see if he gets it then)

PeakOutput

i know its not much help to you but id imagine getting dumped and being told its coz your **** in bed would be enough to snap him out of whatever buzz he is in

Rattlehead_ie

Peak, a bit harsh.....but fair
OP, My honest feeling about that is that if he is not listening to you about what turns you on and what you enjoy its not a good sign, it should be a bit of give and take in any relationship especially in that way. I would talk to him (if you havent) tell him your not enjoying it, your not satisfied and that your not sexually being pleasured....... to be honest if a partner told me that, not only would my jaw drop but I would take the day off leaning what she wanted. It should be important to him. Anyway good luck and hope it all goes well.

Lollipops23

PeakOutput wrote: »

i know its not much help to you but id imagine getting dumped and being told its coz your **** in bed would be enough to snap him out of whatever buzz he is in

Haha,that's brilliant!and true....although I can't imagine why any man would want his gf to think he's rubbish in the first place.surely they wanna walk around thinking "I'm the man,my women is sat-is-fied!!!"no??

PeakOutput

Lollipops23 wrote: »

"I'm the man,my women is sat-is-fied!!!"no??

eh..........yes!! im loath to slag him off as there must be something deeper to this we dont know about(and also id get banned:D)

Dizzyblonde

In my opinion this problem goes way beyond just sex. If he's dismissive of your needs in bed then he'll be just as dismissive of your needs outside it too. Considering your relationship is in the 'honeymoon phase', I shudder to think what it'll be like when it gets to the comfortable stage.

Dragan

need2bsatisfied wrote: »

He's 24, and has had at least ten sexual partners(apparently) that i know of.

Some people are just a **** lay.

Try and teach him a few things you like and if he won't listen then move on.

biko

If he won't listen in bed chances are he won't listen anywhere else either.
Dump him and explain why. Better luck next time.

Beruthiel

I would be of the opinion, that any bloke who is only two months into a relationship and isn't interested on bending over backwards to rock your boat, is a bloke that should be given his walking papers. He may still be crap but if he's not at least willing to make an effort at this early stage that doesn't bode well for a future relationship.

gcgirl

I would be deffo giving him the P45 your only going with him a short time and he is selfish he won't listen to what your telling him to do Spiltsville is the only option!

LegacyUser

so I had a chat with my boyfriend last night...I took the advice of blowing his mind first. Sly I know, but I figured it might get him to listen. He said he was just nervous when we were in bed because he wanted to impress me but then he knew I wasnt enjoying it and then that made it worse and he was getting anxious and embarrassed. He definatley listened to what I had to say. I think he was just really immature about it all. Thanks for all your replies.