Partners Occupation Affecting Relationship

LegacyUser

Ok, I am sure there are lots of couples out there who have the same daily routine where they come in from work and its "tell me about your day" time. Which is all very well and good but I am beginning to think that my girlfriends job is taking over her life. She has a very busy and stressful job. I can of course understand the need to vent and I am all ears but she talks more and more about it. Part of the problem I think is that she is very dedicated to her job, taking work home with her, getting up early to go into work early etc. I pretty much feel like I personally know most of the team of people she works with from the stories I hear. But the flip side is that I feel that it is impacting on our relationship. I cant seem to communicate well with her anymore - if I want to talk about something in depth I find myself almost nagging her for a response, yet when the subject of her work comes up, she could talk for hours on it. Important stuff about us is dismissed as "we can talk about that some other time" etc. Sex life is pretty much non-existent - she seems always tired. I've tried to talk to her about it and she has told me that she is unhappy in her job but not sure if I see anything improving!
Anyone in the same boat?

IamBeowulf

Ask her which she loves more---you or the job. Then tell her that you feel you're being pushed to the side. If she's not willing to change, find a girl who isn't a workaholic selfish person.

Cathmandooo

Suggest a weekend away, tell her she's been non stop talking about work and you think a weekend away would do you both the world of good.

Or sit her down over the weekend, turn off the tv, hand her a glass of wine or something, and tell her to forget about work for the evening and concentrate on what's going on outside of work. Try having a chat with her then and see what happens.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Going un-reg for this.

Your post sounds exactly like what I'm going through.

I don't know what advice to give you. Because I'm nearly at breaking point in my relationship of 7 years. I work too and when I get home from a 12 hour shift it's like she's sitting there waiting to start the onslaught of "you won't believe what happened in work today". She will be ranting and raving and full of gusto about it. Then an hour later she gets tired and goes to bed.

Sex is becoming an issue now aswell. But I'm not going into this.

All I can say is. My missus has been to hospital for stress related fatigue, but the doctors could not find anything wrong with her physically. And when a doctor suggested it may be a good idea to speak to a councillor(spelling). She went of the walls saying "I'm not mad".

She has been in her job a long time. And the only way I see things changing is if she leaves her job.

Hope it helps that someone is in the same boat.

I never post on PI, so you really hit the nail on the head with me OP.

LegacyUser

IamBeowulf wrote: »

If she's not willing to change, find a girl who isn't a workaholic selfish person.

Ah now, steady on lad.

I do think the solution is a change of job to be honest, but as well as that maybe she needs to realise a few things. As far as I can see the reason is she put under pressure is the fact that she will do the job she is asked to do. She will do this even if it means staying in late. Then at the same time, I hear "oh most of the guys leave at 5 on the dot" etc. I think her manager sees she does a good job and then gives her more work because she knows it will get done. Maybe its time she spoke up and had a bit of a heart to heart with her manager. Although easier said than done - I am aware of the whole staying on people good sides argument, but if it were me I'd be taking a walk into the manager office. At weekends she does switch off a bit more so I get to see her in a less stressed state.
I guess it really is up to her to make a decision what she wants to do.
Thanks for the replies guys.

Wibbs

Yes she needs to start prioritising her life, both in and out of work. Easier said than done though. It also depends a lot on the type of person she is too. Some people no matter what job they do always seem to have some problem or other, or get walked on all the time. In that case you may have to just grin and bear it or work around it.

What was she like in her previous job(s)? Has she gone from one job to the next or does she stay in the same place? If the former, then it may take a lot of effort on her part to figure out if her chosen career is the right one for her. This is especially the case if it's impacting her relationships. It's all a question of degree too. Everyone has bad days, or jobs that they've been in that didn't work out. It's when it's constant it gets damaging for all concerned.