My ex gf

LegacyUser

my ex and i are great friends,we broke up cos i proposed to her but i never told my mother we got engaged and she was furious and broke it off. I still love her truly madly deeply.She was such a big part of my life for 3 years and even though we are great buds i want her to be my wife more than anything.

We are going out sat night to a christmas party and im staying in her spare room cos i live out of town. I had planned to tell her i still love her but today she said something to me that makes me think shes over me, She said"If you pull Saturday night ya can bring her back 2 mine- ill make myself scarse for ye"

Me and her are great friends and even though i didnt treat her well she still treats me like one of her best friends.We only broke up a month ago but she seems to be over it even though shes on my mind all the time.I get a text from her and my heart drops hoping it will say" i still love you"

McSween

her saying "if you pull" could be a test for you. But it may not be. I have been stupid in the past though, women trying to find out which one of their friends I fancied, but they were just doing it to see did I fancy them.

Don't pull for a start!

LadyE

TBH I think she only said that to see your reaction - to see if you sau "Yeah good idea etc. etc. etc."...she wanted to know if you are over her and are picking up girls!!!

highlydebased

McSween wrote: »

her saying "if you pull" could be a test for you.

Its happened to me......! Dont fall for it

LegacyUser

so what do i do

do you think shes over me

MagicMarker

bilolyboy wrote: »

my ex and i are great friends,we broke up cos i proposed to her but i never told my mother we got engaged and she was furious and broke it off.

I'm sorry, what? Can you elaborate on this?

LegacyUser

MagicMarker wrote: »

I'm sorry, what? Can you elaborate on this?

I proposed to her- and she accepted- i got her a ring- and i never told my mother- i knew she would freak and i wanted to keep it from her till i got up the courage to tell her cos my mams a bit ofa physco when shes mad,and she never liked my gf


Anyway my gf found out FREAKD out- assumed i was ashamed of her and dumped me

diamondp

defo a test. she wants you to say you still love her so she can tell you the same. she prob feels she cant say it first because she was the one who broke it off with you and just wants to save face. she prob broke if off with you in a moment of madness because she was angry with you not telling your mum and dosent know how to take it back. if you still love her tell her. offer the olive branch and see what happens. whats the worst that could happen? (u've already split up so it cant get much worse than that) you never know you mightn't be in the spare room sat night after all.

kraggy

Feckin wimmin and their games.

She's testin ya buddy.

Play along and say "cool might do that" and wreck her head in return or rise above her game and talk to her about how ye both feel.

Up to you.

biko

Send her flowers the morning of the party with a letter explaining how sorry you are and that you would like nothing better than to get back together again. She'll have time to read it during the day and think things over. Ring her after work to check you can still come over.

I get the feeling there was something more to her breaking up than simply you hot telling the mother about it?

axer

MagicMarker wrote: »

I'm sorry, what? Can you elaborate on this?

Yes, please do elaborate. How can not telling your mother that ye were engaged be a reason to break up.

LegacyUser

axer wrote: »

Yes, please do elaborate. How can not telling your mother that ye were engaged be a reason to break up.

i did already and the post never came up:(

basically my mam hates her and never approved- i wanted to keep it out of her ears for as long as i could cos shes a physco when shes mad

But the gf found out- assumed i was ashamed of her and dumped me

supertramp

I too, would see her saying "If you pull you can bring her back to mine" as a little teaser, but what I found to be more of a problem, why you let your mothers opinion hold you back like that.

Who are you going to marry? Someone you like, or that your mother likes? I wouldn't lay the blame squarely at your mothers feet. It was your decision not to tell her, and of course your gf was going to be upset by you not doing that.

I hope you do get what you want, put put your foot down, regards your mothers attitude, it's your life!

Dampsquid

What she said about you bringing someone home might not be a test, it might be her way a hinting that she's also going to be bringing someone home.

uberwolf

to be honest, if you didn't love her one month after proposing to her that'd be strange.

You're entitled to love her, and entitled to approach her saying you want to go again. You'd be a fool not to.

Mulan

Pick up the phone now and tell her that you love her. Whats the worst that can happen, She said that she'd marry you a couple of months ago.

Go for it
Go on I dare ya!

dRNk SAnTA

Mulan wrote: »

Pick up the phone now and tell her that you love her. Whats the worst that can happen, She said that she'd marry you a couple of months ago.

Go for it
Go on I dare ya!

I agree! You were in love and it would be terrible for it be ruined by the thing with your mother. It's only a month, its not too late. But whats the point in hanging around? Fix it.

CoffeeAndTV

Don't go expecting anything.

I was in a similar situation, sans the marriage bit and with a bit more time in between. Realised that I wanted her back, was told by everyone that she wanted me back. She ended up using me for a shag and has ignored me since - really really messed me up. Just be careful - by all means tell her how you feel, but do it when totally sober!

Ishindar

hi OP, it does sound like your ex is testing u but if i was u i would go out on saturday with the intention of having a lot of fun and leaving all my worries etc at home. I would not be tempted by other women but i would try to have really good fun with her and the circle of people around ye. be lighthearted and entertaining at the end of the night tell her that u want to bring someone home with u and that person is her remind her of who you really are and make her fall in love with u all over again.

3 years is a long time and i guess she really is wishing u will be her knight in shining armour and sweep her off her feet, even if she doesnt realise this yet!
in the long term i think u two really need to work on your communication a bit. she doesnt seem to realise what your relationship is like with your mother or support u in this. its important to know how your partner feels about the important people in their lives.

ixus

The best thing you can do is leave the work party early, and sober, and go back to her place. When asked why you left early...because you weren't enjoying yourself, you're unhappy without out her etc etc.

If this doesn't work, then the relationship is probably over. If that's the case, well, at least you know for certain & can move on.

Would your mother be flipping out because your very young?

Caryatnid

To the OP: It's obviously a test. Additionally, you talk about being 'great friends' - you have only broke up with her one month, correct? And you are still in love with her? Are you sure this is really a great friendship? Also, really, if this girl was prepared to marry you, there's no way she's over you after only one month.

To everyone else: Imagine you were a girl who's bf had went to the trouble of buying you a ring, proposing to you, and so on, and if we were engaged - imagine this guy, right, you're with him three years, and you find out he's too scared to tell his mammy. Is this really the type of guy you want to marry? I think this is setting the scene for the future. Imagine the other complications of being married into this guy's family, if he can't even tell his mother he's engaged. It's just so shocking, and so immature. I'm sure most girls would want a man who has a bit of backbone, and can stand up to his mother when it really counts. I think the OP's fiance was dead right.

Overheal

Sounds like a defensive to me but that may be sullied advice by my own personal experience

IMO its possible that she's saying it:

1) because she's over you, and a spiteful cow.

2) she's not sure how she feels about you and is pushing herself away.

3) she still has feelings for you and wants to try and soften the blow for herself by inviting you to break her heart: possibly trying to get over you.

4) Its a test and if you pass you get a golden monkey.

5) Not so much concerned with how she felt, she decided to gauge your reaction to see where you stand.

Personally I doubt its 4 but could well be any of the other possibilities.

EDIT: it would help in bounds if you can win over your mom and have her talk to your ex.

Mulan

Caryatnid wrote: »

To everyone else: Imagine you were a girl who's bf had went to the trouble of buying you a ring, proposing to you, and so on, and if we were engaged - imagine this guy, right, you're with him three years, and you find out he's too scared to tell his mammy. Is this really the type of guy you want to marry? I think this is setting the scene for the future. Imagine the other complications of being married into this guy's family, if he can't even tell his mother he's engaged. It's just so shocking, and so immature. I'm sure most girls would want a man who has a bit of backbone, and can stand up to his mother when it really counts. I think the OP's fiance was dead right.

Hold on there now or we'll end up talking about inlaws and outlaws etc. We all know people with that kind of trouble but the question is, where does the fault lie. Its not his fault.
Ya, I suppose he should get things sorted with his mam but wouldn't a supportive shoulder of a partner or fiance or wife be a great thing to have.
Call her today
You know it makes sence.

davyjose

I would be inclined to thik you've no hope, but then I got to thinking: What if you did pull and brought her back to your former fiance's house for some Nookie? There is NO Fooking WAAAY!!! this would be cool. So yeah, I think it's a test.

I think if you want her, you're gonna have to pull something special out here though buddy. Like telling your Mam that you're gonna ask her to marry you, and bite the bullet and just go for it. You're really gonna have to put your balls on the line if you've got any chance, that much is clear. And you still may not have any hance!!!

davyjose

Caryatnid wrote: »

To everyone else: Imagine you were a girl who's bf had went to the trouble of buying you a ring, proposing to you, and so on, and if we were engaged - imagine this guy, right, you're with him three years, and you find out he's too scared to tell his mammy. Is this really the type of guy you want to marry? I think this is setting the scene for the future. Imagine the other complications of being married into this guy's family, if he can't even tell his mother he's engaged. It's just so shocking, and so immature. I'm sure most girls would want a man who has a bit of backbone, and can stand up to his mother when it really counts. I think the OP's fiance was dead right.

I see what you're saying, but imagine loving someone so much that you are willing to pledge your life to them, only to be deterred because they didn't mention it to a third party?? Who, I might add, could be a malicious psycho with an irrational hatred for her son's erstwhile fiance, and whom he has nobly tried to protect her from. I'm painting an exaggerated picture here, but there is always a reason for everything, and I don't think the OP took the decision not to tell his mother lightly.

muppetkiller

davyjose wrote: »

I see what you're saying, but imagine loving someone so much that you are willing to pledge your life to them, only to be deterred because they didn't mention it to a third party?? Who, I might add, could be a malicious psycho with an irrational hatred for her son's erstwhile fiance, and whom he has nobly tried to protect her from. I'm painting an exaggerated picture here, but there is always a reason for everything, and I don't think the OP took the decision not to tell his mother lightly.

I agree with Davyjose here...If she broke up with you because you didn't tell your mum it's fair to say there's more to it than that.

tbh

Overheal wrote: »

Sounds like a defensive to me but that may be sullied advice by my own personal experience

IMO its possible that she's saying it:

1) because she's over you, and a spiteful cow.

2) she's not sure how she feels about you and is pushing herself away.

3) she still has feelings for you and wants to try and soften the blow for herself by inviting you to break her heart: possibly trying to get over you.

4) Its a test and if you pass you get a golden monkey.

5) Not so much concerned with how she felt, she decided to gauge your reaction to see where you stand.

Personally I doubt its 4 but could well be any of the other possibilities.

EDIT: it would help in bounds if you can win over your mom and have her talk to your ex.

6) she's over you, and this is how she chooses to tell you. She's worried that you'll be expecting to sleep with her when you stay at her house.

giggles

I think you should just tell her how you feel and discuss it with her. If she feels the same then great - you may have a future together. If she doesn't, then it will help you move on.

My guess is that she said that to see what your reaction would be - she's testing to see if you have moved on.

How long ago did you break up?

Wibbs

tbh wrote: »

6) she's over you, and this is how she chooses to tell you. She's worried that you'll be expecting to sleep with her when you stay at her house.

If that is the case and well it might be, then the OP is well rid, as anyone that can get over a long term thing where marriage was on the cards and accepted is not someone emotionally stable enough to warrant a lifetime commitment.

Mr. Incognito

OJC......... How old are you mate? Ten?

Why do I think that you're still living at home?

Your mother's approval or your choice of a wife is irrelevant. in my experience parents can freak over everything anyway so just stay true to what you want.

The first person you must talk to here is your ex- after three years you really should be playing these type of **** games. And if you want to build a marraige you'll have to have a relationship based on open, direct, honest dialogue and trust. Ask her how she feels, tell her how you feel. No beating around the bush cuz you only get one shot at this mate. If you both feel that you want to get married, then do. Have a long engagement, perhaps 2 years and that gives everyone breathing space and your mother time to come down from the clouds.

No-one knows what's going on in your ex's head except for ther. Ask her.