cheated on my girl

LegacyUser

i had a bad saturday night, got very VERY drunk (to the point where i do not remember any of saturday night).

woke up sunday morning to find out that on saturday night i had been calling my girlfriend by the wrong name, and that unknown to her i had kissed one of my other mates. from what i can tell (what iv been told) it was nothing but a very short kiss, but it was a kiss. i then proceded to leave the club and go home without as much as a goodbye to anyone.

i am absolutely in bits. i love my girlfriend and would never ever knowingly cheat on her, thats just not me. but the fact is that drunk me did this, and she is already pissed off with me because of the name thing, i dont know what to do about the kiss. if i dont tell her it is highly likely that she will hear it somewhere else, and finish it with me, and i couldnt deal with that.

i feel like scum and dont know what to do

Karen_*

I think you should tell her. It will be far better coming from you and if she's going to find out anyway then put yourself out of the agony now. Make a promise to her to lay off the drink for a while and tell her how sorry you are. What else can you do? You can't go around living like this worrying.

You sound like a decent bloke but you just got way too drunk.

muppetkiller

Where you calling her the name of the girl you kissed ?

Either way you should tell her. Tell her that you're freaked out about the night as your behaviour wasn't you (if it wasn't). Tell her you kissed 'girl x' for a second and then just left the club like a crazy person. She'll probably be more worried about your behaviour than the kiss itself. Try and place more emphasis on the amount you drank and that you were scared of how it effected you..then say that you'll never drink like that again.

If you're very lucky she wont dump you..

Oh and don't drink that much again

diamondp

Totally agree with karen33. good advise there. Tell her yourself. You never know she might take it a lot easier coming from you and it says a lot for you that you had the guts to come clean. but if someone tells her out of spite it will hurt her a lot more, forgiveness dosent come easy if your humiliated. Go and do the right thing. As karen33 said you sound like a decent bloke and being able to admit to a stupid mistake will show your girl how much you think of her, not treating her like a fool and keeping her in the dark. lot to be said for honesty. if it were me id forgive you but only because you told me yourself. (but thats just me) Good luck.

Lollipops23

i agree,tell her. It would be far worse if she found out off someone else. I'm sure she's already embarrassed about your behavior/name thing and for her to hear that you'd kissed the girl off another person would be ten times worse!!

But yeah, these things do happen.Everyone gets gee-eyed drunk once in a while, and perhaps if you're that freaked about your behavior you should give the sauce a break.

Good luck man!!

padser

Good advice so far

feel like scum wrote: »

if i dont tell her it is highly likely that she will hear it somewhere else

Rock and a hard place so.

Your only real alternitive is to pretend you don't know about it. Given the amount to drink thats probably not unbelievable.

AdrianII

Dont tell her - i wouldnt

we all have secrets, and telling her this possibly would end the relationship

RandolphEsq

Don't tell her. It will only hurt her. Although it does depend on how serious you are about her and how serious you want to be

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies

i wasnt calling her the name of the girl i kissed, no. i was calling her emma, which i really dont understand, because i dont know any emmas apart from acquaintances.

i cant figure out where my head was at that night.

i figure im gonna tell her just because i hate having it on my mind, and because id hate her to hear it somewhere else.

would trying to pass it off as nothing more than a drunken kiss, and no more than i would give to any of my buddies be a bad idea?

i really am crazy about her and would hate to lose her over my being a stupid drunk, and i plan on seriously laying off the sauce for quite some time!

Cathmandooo

feel like scum wrote: »

would trying to pass it off as nothing more than a drunken kiss, and no more than i would give to any of my buddies be a bad idea?

Yes that would be a bad idea, sounds like you always cheat on her!! Be straight with her and accept all blame, despite being drunk it was still your fault, you got yourself in that state so saying 'it was the drinks fault' wont go down well with her.

Apologise for it, tell her you're easing off the drink now and that it'll never happen again and that you hope she can trust you again.

Nothing much else you can do. Prepare yourself for the worst, I hope it doesnt come to that.

craichoe

feel like scum wrote: »

thanks for the replies

i wasnt calling her the name of the girl i kissed, no. i was calling her emma, which i really dont understand, because i dont know any emmas apart from acquaintances.

i cant figure out where my head was at that night.

i figure im gonna tell her just because i hate having it on my mind, and because id hate her to hear it somewhere else.

would trying to pass it off as nothing more than a drunken kiss, and no more than i would give to any of my buddies be a bad idea?

i really am crazy about her and would hate to lose her over my being a stupid drunk, and i plan on seriously laying off the sauce for quite some time!

What age are you, you come across as a bit young

Binomate

You don't need to feel like scum. What you did was perfectly natural. Gorillas go around riding everything. If you want to cheat on your current girl friend you should do so guilt free and you are perfectly justified to do so. I also wouldn't advise telling your girl friend. It could mess things up. What you need to do is buy a crappy new phone with a new number which you can use as a secure line to hook up with your mistress when ever you feel like you want some hot sex. Even if your girlfriend finds that phone, it's pin protected and she wont know the pin. Make sure you switch it off when ever it's not in your direct vacinity.

OP, you are a hero among men.

craichoe

Binomate wrote: »

You don't need to feel like scum. What you did was perfectly natural. Gorillas go around riding everything. If you want to cheat on your current girl friend you should do so guilt free and you are perfectly justified to do so. I also wouldn't advise telling your girl friend. It could mess things up. What you need to do is buy a crappy new phone with a new number which you can use as a secure line to hook up with your mistress when ever you feel like you want some hot sex. Even if your girlfriend finds that phone, it's pin protected and she wont know the pin. Make sure you switch it off when ever it's not in your direct vacinity.

OP, you are a hero among men.

AH hahahahhahahhahahha ..........

Quagmire .. sad and lonely at 40 years old

axer

Binomate wrote: »

You don't need to feel like scum. What you did was perfectly natural. Gorillas go around riding everything. If you want to cheat on your current girl friend you should do so guilt free and you are perfectly justified to do so. I also wouldn't advise telling your girl friend. It could mess things up. What you need to do is buy a crappy new phone with a new number which you can use as a secure line to hook up with your mistress when ever you feel like you want some hot sex. Even if your girlfriend finds that phone, it's pin protected and she wont know the pin. Make sure you switch it off when ever it's not in your direct vacinity.

OP, you are a hero among men.

Wow, I am hoping that you are just being really sarcastic.

OP: was it a kiss with tongues or just on the lips? If it was on the lips then tell her you kissed her friend on the lips. If there was some tongue action then that is a different story.

At least you have learnt that alcohol for you is a problem and are taking the right steps in cutting back big time.

Aura

You really should tell her in my opinion. It's not your decision to make how she takes it. Honesty is always the best option I've learnt, even if it hurts the people you love at times.

I'd explain to her what happened exactly as you did here and hope she sees the bigger picture with this and can try, given time, to build up the trust in the relationship again.

Just be sure you can truthfully say to her and indeed yourself that it will never happen again.

Best of luck to you both,

A.

Beetlebum

Binomate wrote: »

You don't need to feel like scum. What you did was perfectly natural. Gorillas go around riding everything. If you want to cheat on your current girl friend you should do so guilt free and you are perfectly justified to do so. I also wouldn't advise telling your girl friend. It could mess things up. What you need to do is buy a crappy new phone with a new number which you can use as a secure line to hook up with your mistress when ever you feel like you want some hot sex. Even if your girlfriend finds that phone, it's pin protected and she wont know the pin. Make sure you switch it off when ever it's not in your direct vacinity.

OP, you are a hero among men.

I take it you're trying to be funny, clever or you want to rile people up to get a reaction. How transparent. Ha ha..you've failed miserably.

Binomate

I was giving honest advice. I'm sure the OP would appreciate it if you got back on topic and stopped trying to intentionally derail his thread.

Beetlebum

Binomate wrote: »

I was giving honest advice. I'm sure the OP would appreciate it if you got back on topic and stopped trying to intentionally derail his thread.

Have you been cheated on by all your girlfriends? Thought so..

Marksie

get it back on topic all of you.
Deal with the OP's issues

Mighty_Mouse

Relax FFS!
Happens to loads of people.
Just dont do it again/get so drunk.
Plus- dont tell her.
(nothing to be achieved by it except relieving yer own guilt.)

NextSteps

Tell her - and as soon as you possibly can. Say it as you said it here. Tell her you feel like scum. Bring flowers. Whatever you do, DO NOT put it on the long finger - it will be 1,000 times worse if she hears it from someone else.

If this was my boyfriend, I would just about forgive it if he told me immediately; if I had to go through the shame of finding out any other way - or if I found out in six months that he'd kept it from me - that would be a different story.

And ease off the drink!

~Rebel~

Id have to agree with the 'tell her' camp. I think this whole thing of "dont tell her as its only to alleviate your own guilt" is bollox to be honest. Seems more like making an excuse to feel ok about lying. If you are as mad about your gf as you seem, i think its only fair that she know. She deserves to know, and under the circumstances you probably have a good chance of coming out of it ok, but i have to agree with others that you def don't get that fcked up again, at least not for a LONG time!

LoanShark

To the OP.. Dont say a word...
How well do you know the others that you were with?
What I mean by this is do you really think they will tell?? If they are real friends Male of Female, They will turn a blind eye...But Just dont make a habbit..
The guilt will dissapear in time,Its Just a way of showing you how much you love her!!
There has been others on here saying that if their fella did it, and told them they would forgive him and move on... (Bull,If we all thought it was that easy we would all be at it!!)
Say nothing, Put it down to experience and move on..

LivingDeadGirl

I definitely think you should tell her, she deserves to know, at least show her that much respect. I think she's much more likely to forgive you if you stand up and face the music like a man and take responsibility for your actions. Telling her will prove that you care for and respect her enough to be completely honest. If you are truly sorry you should be okay. As someone else said, don't blame it all on the drink, comes across as an excuse, a bad one at that.

Best of luck and I hope it all works out for you.

drand

I would suggest not telling her only if you are willing to accept that if she ever does find out about it you will be in a much worse situation than if you told her now...

MagicMarker

I advocate telling her.

OP: I'd be one of those people that would say ''dump him/her'' usually. But even i admit that if my girlfriend did this to me and i believed her completely. Then i would understand that she was drunk beyond all comprehension. I would be annoyed but glad that she told me as soon as she could. I would be more annoyed that she'd be so stupid to get herself into that kind of state in the first place.

But in future, you need to work on knowing your limits. Lay off the drink for a good while and do a bit of growing up.

King of Kings

don't tell her.
if you tell her it will appear to be a bigger scenario than it is.
she'll assume you did cheat.

MagicMarker

King of Kings wrote: »

don't tell her.
if you tell her it will appear to be a bigger scenario than it is.
she'll assume you did cheat.

He DID cheat. If she finds out from someone else then it WILL be a bigger scenario than it is.

*Angel*

If you respect her you should tell her. Plus imagine if she found out from someone else, that would show you couldn't even admit to what to you had done and really can't be trusted.

LegacyUser

hey

look just wanna say thanks to everyone who posted genuine advice.

i told her everything last night, and eh, i at one point i ended up gettin more upset than she did! she saw how upset/bothered/freaked out that i could get so drunk that i wasnt myself and do something like that, and that i was genuinely sorry it had happened.

obviously its not instantly forgiven and forgotten, fact is that it happened, but i think we're gonna be ok. i know, and i hope she does too, that im not gonna let that happen again. im not gonna risk losing her over a stupid mistake letting myself get carried away with drink.

again, thanks to everyone who gave time to gimme advice, greatly greatly appreciated.

Cathmandooo

Fair play, well done on being honest and I hope it all works out for you both.

axer

Cathooo wrote: »

Fair play, well done on being honest and I hope it all works out for you both.

+1

~Rebel~

Well done OP!

diamondp

have to agree with the others. well done and your relationship will prob be stronger for the fact that you had the bottle to tell her before someone else did.

Mighty_Mouse

IMO wrong decision.
What about every "weekend away with the boys" from now on?
Every non-girlfriend booze-up from here-on-in will have that nagging element at the back of it all.
Only for something that didnt matter.

Anyways, Spilt milk.

ps
if it was role reversal, I wouldnt want to know for the same reason.
ie. if it really was a nothing-banana's-drunk-can't-remember-3-second-kiss by GF

axer

Mighty_Mouse wrote: »

if it was role reversal, I wouldnt want to know for the same reason.
ie. if it really was a nothing-banana's-drunk-can't-remember-3-second-kiss by GF

Would you be ok if someone came to you to say that they saw your girlfriend kissing some guy last night?

xXxnaoisexXx

Tbh i think you should tell her.
Chances are she will find out especially if it was one of her friends.
If my boyfriend was in that situation i would like to know because if i didn't i would find it hard to trust him again if i was to find out from someone other then him. Just explain to her what happened and with luck you can sort it out and you will be guilt free and feel so much better.

Lollipops23

fair play for being honest-that took some serious stones.

also, don't expect her to be fine and dandy(oh god did i really just say that?!) for a while.If she considers the whole episode cheating, then she's going to need to build up her trust in you. So yeah, a lads weekend etc,in the next while will probably be a problem. Just grovel for a little bit!

Again, well done for being a man about the situation.

LoanShark

Fair Play to you for telling her it really took some "Big Kahonies!" to do it..
Hope all works out for you both..