Girl trouble (what else!!)

lenovoguy

Hi all

This is the story - Im 23, doing my masters in TCD, not the worst looking bloke youll ever meet. However, I seem to be consumed by this want to have a girlfriend, and yet seem to be completely unable to meet girls. The thought of hitting on a girl in a pub or bar turns my stomach as I think most guys come off looking like total prats and I'm not into going out every night and getting pissed and acting the maggot, but Im a fairly decent lad when it comes down to it.

So between this and the fact that I dont really have time to be going to college society meetings and so on during the week leaves me with scant opportunity to meet anyone. I've been single for about 3 years now, and kind of miss the companionship that comes with having someone. There is definitely an element of "me too" in this, as in I see the couples walking around town and college and I cant help wondering why not me too.

Any thoughts, do share!

magooly

lady interest ~ size of ur wallet

simple really

kowloon

TCD have so many socs. and socials that aren't just sitting around at the bar, you have ample opportunity.
At some point you're going to finish and the singles scene in the outworld is harsh, take advantage of student life.

Kintarō Hattori

magooly wrote: »

lady interest ~ size of ur wallet

simple really

Hmnnn that's not generally true. I think you've been meeting the wrong types of ladies.

OP like yourself I hated the idea of trying to chat the ladies up in a pub or club. I was never comfortable with the idea and I never knew anyone who got together in a meaningful relationship that met in that way.

It's classic advice you'll hear time and time again in PI, try and socialise more. Join a gym or some sort of evening class. Take up a hobby, get involved in stuff in your local area.

I'm with my GF now 3 years and I met her while she was working in the local launderette! Just get yourself out and about and you'll meet that someone special soon enough.

lenovoguy

Yeah I know what you mean. It's just a question of finding something that has the right mix of people, like the people in my class are all guys. which doesnt help. My course has long hours and a large workload and im more used to doing things by myself you know. Im not really the athletic type but enjoy talking to people.

the_syco

TCD has bars. Goto said bars. Also, join clubs & socs, and go from there.

AlanSparrowhawk

Hey, I know exactly how you feel. Just a few pointers, hope I don't sound too patronising.

Finding a girlfriend isn't like finding your car keys. You just have to hope something pops up and you take your opportunity.

I'd imagine you actually don't interact with too many single women in general. If you want to find a girl that you like, and a girl that likes you, you need to increase the amount of girls you interact with.

You also need to change your outlook. If you consider every women you meet to be your next potential long term girlfriend you're going to sending very minor, but significant signals that suggests this. You don't want to scare people off by being too intense.

How do you meet more girls? Nice normal girls? Well you tell us you don't have a huge amount of free time to socialise and you don't particularly like the bar/club scene. But you have to do something. You really should take advantage of the fact you're still in college (and in college full of intelligent and interesting women close to your own age). As everyone has already recommended, I suggest you join a society and a sports club and try go to each once a week. Yoga is full of girls for example. You don't necessarily have to join netball, any sports club with a healthy social aspect will help you get out and about and for want of a better word, and networking with people.

I'm kinda loathe to say it but the internet is getting better and better at putting perfectly normal people in touch with each other not just perverts and nutcases. Put yourself out there a little bit more with facebook, bebo, chat rooms, dating websites etc. You might consider it a bit sad but a lot of people are doing it, especially people like yourself, young, attractive but not connecting with people.

Overheal

yea just keep your head up: you never know who youre going to meet and where - taking the laundrette example, how do you know there isn't some chance between you and say, your cashier lady at Superquinn If you have your head down and your lip shut all the time nothing will ever happen; learn to make conversation with people you meet - start with cashiers and such: they're usually in the mood for a short soundbyte. You don't have to be 'interested' in them - its merely an exercise in learning how to be natural; it'll help make you more confident and outgoing.

lenovoguy

Thanks guys for all your responses. I think part of my problem is that I've encountered a lot of girls with this "attitude" of aloofness or snottiness which has made me wary. Also, I'm not big on smalltalk, again because of past experiences. I generally feel I end up making all the effort and it's annoying.
Im in the college library now, surrounded by gorgeous girls! Help haha

Binomate

Funny that the Trinity Student never fails to mention that he goes to trinity. Taking this in to account, with the fact that you sound pretty vain since you seem to love talking about how good you think you look, I'd say you're a pretty stuck up guy in real life. Maybe if you drop the big headedness and stop looking down on people, you might have more luck with the ladies.

martian1980

is that a chip on your shoulder there, binomate? The OP hasn't been overly going on about how good he looks, just giving a decent account of his situation. Where has be indicated "looking down on people"?

ps I went to trinity too!

craichoe

Im 23, doing my masters in TCD, not the worst looking bloke youll ever meet.

How about not starting a sentance with "doing my maaaaawwwsters in trinity"

What your doing doesn't matter.

Just be yourself ..

Binomate

He practically called pub folk "prats". Entirely condescending. I have no chip on my shoulder. I went to a university ten times better than trinity, but outside of this topic of conversation you don't see me going around bragging, do you?

craichoe

martian1980 wrote: »

is that a chip on your shoulder there, binomate? The OP hasn't been overly going on about how good he looks, just giving a decent account of his situation. Where has be indicated "looking down on people"?

ps I went to trinity too!

Did you do a maawwwwwwwwwsters too

lenovoguy

craichoe wrote: »

How about not starting a sentance with "doing my maaaaawwwsters in trinity"

What your doing doesn't matter.

Just be yourself ..

You're advice on being myself is noted. But mentioning what I'm currently doing with my life? Well it does matter, I mentioned it to allude to the fact that I am under a high workload... And as an aside, apparently both your own and Binomate's opinions of Trinity students are based on outdated and plainly inaccurate stereotypes of them all being posh or upper class(Of which I'm neither).

And as for Binomate saying I sound vain? How about him sounding like a judgemental twat? I said I think I look alright, once. Do I have to be completely without confidence or a healthy body image to post in here? Seriously, get a life, say something relevant and stop making stupid generalisations and inferences from *posts on a forum*

craichoe

lenovoguy wrote: »

You're advice on being myself is noted. But mentioning what I'm currently doing with my life? Well it does matter, I mentioned it to allude to the fact that I am under a high workload... And as an aside, apparently both your own and Binomate's opinions of Trinity students are based on outdated and plainly inaccurate stereotypes of them all being posh or upper class(Of which I'm neither).

And as for Binomate saying I sound vain? How about him sounding like a judgemental twat? I said I think I look alright, once. Do I have to be completely without confidence or a healthy body image to post in here? Seriously, get a life, say something relevant and stop making stupid generalisations and inferences from *posts on a forum*

It was a joke :P calm down ..

Man ... I'm under a MUCH heavier workload than any student doing a masters, but when i go out i talk about me, not my job. I hate when people as "so what do you do for a living" its a bit pretentious and usually i tell him i'm on the dole or something for a bit of fun. Saying your going to Trinity does not convey any sort of message except that you "Go to trinity"

I lived in Dublin for a while and its pretty much like any other big city, everyone is into self image etc.

It doesn't sound to me like you have any sort of a problem at all, college student or otherwise, theres people in all sorts of jobs/walks of life with the same problem.

Go out and meet people, who gives a cra* if you get the cold shoulder from some pretentious cow.

lenovoguy

Aye I know your comment was a joke :-) But it's not my problem if people are going to judge me because of where I go to college. The problem is clearly theirs and not my own, I don't go around wearing it on a badge and Im not going to be apologetic for it. But you're right, I should probably just say I'm a student ;-)

Kintarō Hattori

Binomate wrote: »

Funny that the Trinity Student never fails to mention that he goes to trinity. Taking this in to account, with the fact that you sound pretty vain since you seem to love talking about how good you think you look, I'd say you're a pretty stuck up guy in real life. Maybe if you drop the big headedness and stop looking down on people, you might have more luck with the ladies.

Binomate, c'mon you should know better than to go off topic in PI of all places. You've taken the thread off course as a result.

Marksie

Right. Chill a little folks and get it back on topic

Binomate dont take this further off topic in thread. If you want to take it to PM

Ishindar

OP reading your post it feels like, u kind of want a relationship to come in the post, or the "relationship guy" will knock on your front door with yours and your sorted. As u say ...

"So between this and the fact that I dont really have time to be going to college society meetings and so on during the week leaves me with scant opportunity to meet anyone "

so where is the time here for a relationship?

the reason u dont have a relationship imho is because its too low in your active priorities. for example u probably think about this, when u are sitting on a bus or waiting in a queue, but thats not proactive and gives u the false feeling that u are actually doing something about it when in fact u are just dreaming.

take a look at how u dress, maybe take a little more pride.
that girl u noticed that looked hot in a certain lecture, move on there and make her notice u.
that girl in the local newsagent maybe she wants some of your attention.
are u that sexy guy at the bus stop?

u have to put yourself out there and wake up that sexual beast inside u.

lenovoguy

Yeah maybe so! Ah i think I dress well enough :-)! sort of smart casual. There are no girls in my class so no moving in lectures haha thanks for the suggestion. I guess I just dont feel I have any starting point with girls ya know. I am going to join a couple of societies in college and see how that goes maybe

Placebo

obviously not well enough
change style, go out more. Not sure student bars do the trick for PHD/MSC'rs, lots of places in town. BTW relationships, not what theyre cracked up to be.

lenovoguy

Well you see this is the thing, my social circle has sort of disintegrated over the past year or so, not seeing my friends much any more, and i cant really say that I have a friend I can truly depend on so short of going out to places on my own like a sad git, I dont see any real way to solve this problem!!

muboop1

lenovoguy wrote: »

doing my masters in TCD

ok... first mistake...

only playing dude, honestly, you talk about having no time to even meet a girl... but dude, if this is the case how would you have time to be with one? its something you will have to solve first, you need to create time to go out and meet new people! only with this can you meet a girl...

if you cant even create space in schedule to meet them... then its a realy bad time to be looking for one...

MagicMarker

Try online dating.

seraphimvc

lenovoguy wrote: »

And as for Binomate saying I sound vain? How about him sounding like a judgemental twat? I said I think I look alright, once. Do I have to be completely without confidence or a healthy body image to post in here? Seriously, get a life, say something relevant and stop making stupid generalisations and inferences from *posts on a forum*

OP,forum is a nice place of getting suggetion/opinion/whatever...if you can ever talk something like this easily in an internet forum(*obviously you knew Biomate is joking and i see your kinda new to boards?less than 20posts in total),can i say that in daily you are mostly doing the same? *i have no intend to continue this argument as we dont know OP in person,read on*

for the topic of getting a girl friend,probably just an issue of loneliness(check others threads here about gf/bf,you will be surprised how much of them) but OP you sound like :"why is that no girl want me?i am not bad at all".so,i think it is a real 'personal issue' that only can yourself tell,or ,my suggestion is,ask your friend,boys or girls ,about how they think about you etc,ask your close friend,you need some honest answer.If you are perfectly fine,then it's fate that you dont have a gf:D

you WILL meet someone in the right time,while at mean time,see what can you do to for improvement ,like improve yourself in someways,actively getting know more people ,joining hobby clubs etc,i am sure you wont a problem to sort that out!then have faith ,be patient!good luck mate!;)