How do you define your sexual partners?

LegacyUser

Just curious about this after some recent "do you tell your partner how many sexual partners you've had" etc.. type discussions.

if a bf/gf asks you how many people you've been with, do you answer as in the number of people you've had full intercourse with, or give the number of people you've had full intercourse with *plus* the number of people you've fooled around with, i.e, had oral sex etc with?

You see I've only slept with 4 people, but I've done everything else (e.g oral) with about 12 people.

So if someone asked me how many people I've been with, would it more accurate to say 4 and leave it at that, or tell them it's more in the region of 16 ?

What do you define as a "sexual partner" someone you've had intercourse with, or do you include those you've done pretty much everything else except full intercourse aswell?

Rb

You could try telling them to mind their own business.

Go with the amount you've slept with, if anything it looks better (or worse, depending on the type of person you're telling it to).

Tar.Aldarion

Slept with, makes me look better.

Victor

Synthesia, I have deleted part of your post. If you want to post something liek that, go to After Hours or Sex & Sexuality.

Synthesia wrote:

if a bf/gf asks you how many people you've been with

rb_ie wrote: »

Go with the amount you've slept with

Do you mean slept with or had sex with?

Rb

Victor wrote: »

Do you mean slept with or had sex with?

The latter

defiantshrimp

The obvious answer is to tell them you've slept with 4 people and done everything else with 12 people. Simple, no?

LegacyUser

Just to clarify;

I only want general feedback on this.

Personally I'd never ask anyone this, I really am not interested, in fact if anything, I'd probably rather not know. On the other hand I do not being asked either, and whenever I am I always give an honest answer.

I'm merely only asking this question because when I see or hear of people asking others "How many people they've been with/slept with" I always wonder whether the figures people give relate to only people they've had full blown sex with, or do they include people they've had sexual contact with such as masturbation, oral etc..

If you were to ask the albeit it vague question; "How many people have you been with / how many sexual partners have you had in the past" - which answer would you expect to receive - The amount of people they've had intercourse with, or would you be expecting to hear the total number of people they've had sexual contact with.

Conversely, if you to be asked the question, how would you answer, which figure would you give and why?

All feedback appreciated

Richie860504

Yeah I agree with defiant shrimp here. I was with a girl once that when I asked how many people she'd been with she said 4 or 5. Then eventually found out that's how many she'd has full intercourse with. But the number for fooling around was alot higher. It really turned me off her and actually made me physically sick. It felt as bad as being cheated on to be honest. I think people are better off telling the whole truth so each person knows where they stand.

pretty-in-pink

I really don't see why it should affect someones perception of you- or why its particularily their business. You're with them now, and that should be all that matters.

finbarrk

If everyone was to tell their partners the truth here, there would be a lot of broken relationships. Better off telling whatever you think your partner would like to hear.

Dudess

finbarrk wrote: »

Better off telling whatever you think your partner would like to hear.

Or being a tad more forceful if someone were to be so unreasonable - i.e. "eh... why the hell do you want to know? Does it matter?" Yep, answering such a question with questions would be my recommended strategy.
I personally don't keep a log of everyone with whom I've engaged in sexual activity, so come to think of it, my answer would be "I don't know" followed by "how is it any of your fuking business anyway?" That said, if someone did ask me such a lame question, I'd wonder what I ever saw in them.

PeakOutput

Richie860504 wrote: »

It really turned me off her and actually made me physically sick. It felt as bad as being cheated on to be honest.

your going to need to get over that tbh its not her problem.

i do ask the question if im with someone for long enough but i dont know why really its not a jealousy thing

ah dudess lighten up a bit these questions can be asked in a lighthearted spur of the moment way jsut as much as they canbe asked in a sit down i need to know NOW way

Marksie

and could you tell me how this is a personal issue rather than a general question?